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Wrap that tape around an Armenian cucumber and revel in the difference.

Don't take it out on her breasts. They never asked to be implanted in the body of an idiot.

That's tin foil. Her breasts remain uncorrupted by government transmissions.

Politeness Man was kidnapped by Truther Man.

I'm reminded of an episode of "Underdog" whereby an evil mastermind punched a giant hole through the earth, creating a loud whistling sound that drove everyone crazy. Why he did this remained unclear, but the point is that NASA is building the largest rocket in history to put Bush on Mars; one certainly capable of bagelizing our precious blue orb. I strongly suggest investing in companies that manufacture sound attenuators.

Anyone have that Mufflish > English dictionary handy? Uhm, the approach to Givler's is less than 1/2 a mile. One aspect of climbing you may not be aware of is that, if you're going to be a wind bag, it pays to know what you're talking about. For example, if you're going to pontificate about how 'gym climbers' can't find their way out of a paper bag or how little they know about climbing, it might help to be able to navigate a few hundred yards to a 5.7 (dificult) climb that is fully visible from the road. Just a suggestion...hunny.

Oh yeah? Well, it just so happens that I AM an expert at global warming. Allow me to demonstrate. Take fifty $100 bills, fold them lengthwise, then lengthwise again, then shove them up your ass. THAT's how much it's going to cost each man, woman, child, and taun taun on earth to air condition the arctic, thanks to Bellevue soccer moms who are too damn lazy to walk to their breast implant appointments.

"Dr. Stroeve’s team found that since 1953 the area of sea ice in September has declined at an average rate of 7.8 percent per decade. Computer climate simulations of the same period had an average rate of ice loss of 2.5 percent per decade." - NYT 5/3/07 Arctic Sea Ice Melting Faster, a Study Finds

My chemistry teacher and I were very close.

Gyms also have excellent climbing programs for kids, something that didn't exist in the pre-gym era.

Which is the recommended method of belaying Ivan as well when he's leading at his limit Blake. I found that clipping an engine block to my harness helps when belaying Ivan, although it's a little less dynamic.

The following metals are flammable: Lithium (Li), Sodium (Na), Potassium (K), Rubidium (Rb), Cesium (Cs), Magnesium (Mg) Come on people, I was stoned during high school chemistry too, but at least I woke up for the exams.

This self parody comes complete with batteries...no assembly required.

with a geriatric cameo from Yeoman Rand....

A 2 person Tarptent Squall, pitched with a ski pole, complete with vestibule and bug netting, weighs 2 lbs total.

Nothing.

You can greatly increase the rap friction for a thinner (or single) rope by rigging a runner (or two) from your harness to the rap device instead of rapping right off your harness. This narrows the combined angles at which the rope passes through your device to your breaking hand, increasing friction accordingly. In balmy weather, this eliminates the need to carry rap gloves, and increases your control when rapping in icy conditions.

You know, not all rock and rollers take drugs... Pat Boone Plays The Island Resort and Casino

As a [font:Impact]CLIMBER[/font], I've put my life on the line at wilderness death zones like Smith, Vantage, and Mt. Erie countless times. I do it all: trad (WHERE'S MY GODDAMN RED CAMALOT?!), R rated bolt routes (WATCH ME HERE!), even...even multi-pitch (JESUS, I LEFT MY MOCA GU IN THE CAR!!!!!) Risk is my middle name...just ask me! In fact, every time I get within 10 feet of a rope I'm a hazard not only to myself, but to everyone around me.

Talkin' 'bout da MILF weed....

Dying from falling into a bottomless crevasse TAOD factor: High. Dying from falling into a bottomless crevasse filled with garbage: Not so high.

My plans for next winter are to snowmobile out to my chosen ice climb with my skis and snowshoes strapped to my back. Oh, and I'll have whiskey. Then, I will die a spectacular death. No horse involved. Remember, don't take any water.

Dying of thirst on a survival course in front of a bunch of other people: Fault factor (yours/theirs) OFF THE CHARTS Uniqueness of method factor. HIGH Spectacularity factor. LOW Embarrassment (Darwin) factor. EXTREME Newsworthiness factor. HIGH Sympathy factor. NONEXISTENT 'Overstayed welcome' factor. Unknown Numbers (just you? others, too?) factor. HIGH Coolness of contributing factors factor. (Ex: Trailer propane tank or solid rocket booster explosion?) LOW Location, location, location factor. MEDIUM

TAOD Snowmobile Avy death scoring: Fault factor (yours/theirs) YOURS Uniqueness of method factor. LOW Spectacularity factor. MEDIUM Embarrassment factor. HIGH Newsworthiness factor. MEDIUM Sympathy factor. LOW 'Overstayed welcome' factor. HIGH (from a skiers standpoint) Numbers (just you? others, too?) factor. MEDIUM Coolness of contributing factors factor. (Ex: Trailer propane tank or solid rocket booster explosion?) MEDIUM Location, location, location factor. MEDIUM Not a great score on this one.