DeChristo, you're just being your usual, intolerant self. How do you expect Mr. Jones to be anything but pissy with the better part of a broom handle lodged firmly up his anus?
I was as PC/safety-conscious as possible: selecting a straight, tight grain, sanding in stepped increments to 320 until uniform in smoothness, raised the grain with first application of love oil, sanded again, finished with liberal coatings of innocuous love oil speech, and penetrating gently, but firmly.