I'm not going to debate the attitude of the people you have talked to, but my observation is that most people's lives haven't changed a bit. Taking off your shoes to fly in airplanes doesn't count. Speaking for myself and most people I know, 9/11 hasn't affected the overwhelming majority of our daily activities with the exception of our political griping. We do the same work, we engage in the same leisure activities, we spend our money the same way. Really, the only people that I know whose lives are substantially different are those who are in the military and their families, and they are a very small fraction of this country.
Excellent. Isn't the point of the terrorists to change our lives? If we haven't done so, they have failed.