I believed blindly at such times that by some miracle, by some external circumstance, all this would suddenly open out, expand; that suddenly a vista of suitable activity -- beneficent, good, and, above all, ready made (what sort of activity I had no idea, but the great thing was that it should be all ready for me) -- would rise up before me -- and I should come out into the light of day, almost riding a white horse and crowned with laurel.