Dr_Flash_Amazing

Cripes! Do they actually do that? (Hopefully that doesn't get filed with the stupid things you've heard.)

Which reminds the Doctor of the time he was lurking with some hardpersons over near Churning at Smith, and the group's attention was drawn to a pair over at the Peanut. They were toproping one of the 5.8's, and the belayer, rather than standing in one place and taking in rope, had the brilliant, groundbreaking idea to simply lock off the device and walk backwards in a plumb line down the hill, thus reeling in the rope. DFA recalls the moron being subsequently mobbed by disbelieving onlookers, and thoroughly chastised for being a threat to public safety and Smith's trail system.

DFA thinks that must make you the smartest; opposites attracting and so forth. Clearly such a stunning collection of stupid encounters brands you as a fantastic genius!

Bugger off, you tosser.

The mid 90's, a young Dr. Flash Amazing on spring break takes a trip to Red Rocks with a few chums. While checking out the Sandy Corridor at the Sandstone Quarry pullout, we encounter several gumbuses attempting to lead a mixed-pro route. They have a few draws and one large Stopper (#12 or so). They are unable to place the piece due to it being several sizes too large, and one of DFA's group finishes the route for them, saving them certain death. We encounter them later, apparently done toproping a route. Two of them are at the anchor, and they elect to rappel race back to the ground. This entails one moron on each half of the rope, rapping at top speed trying to beat the other to the ground. Apparently they are unaware of what will happen when one person finishes rapping while the other gets hung up halfway up the pitch. Upon arriving at the ground at fortunately (?) about the same time, meathead one looks over and asks loudly, "wanna give it a rip?" That quote lived on for years in memory of those fellows' fantastic stupidity.

quote: Originally posted by Dru: Bonus to anyne who tells me what the original headline said! "Pope Tells Youth Trad Climbing is Hella Evil" [ 08-07-2002, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Dr. Flash Amazing knows this "Darius Azin" only in name, and has never met the man, thus he cannot help you. Lo siento mucho, hombre. Bueno suerte.

quote: Originally posted by trask: this place is going sporto? fuck, what a bummer. Balls! Sportism is the way of the future (much like kickboxing, for those John Cusack fans keeping score at home)! Even lauded mountaineer and adventurer Reinhold Messner was recently seen hangdogging limestone at Ceuse, clad in Prana shorts and La Sportiva slippers, hollering for crux beta. Submit, damn you!

You blasphemous heathen infidels had best learn to behave. The iron fist delivers a firm, disciplinary spanking to the unbelieving. Dr. Flash Amazing ate crag.com for breakfast, and is in the midst of polishing of smithrock.com. Don't think your little e-alpine playground here is safe from AmazingCo., Inc.'s nefarious tentacles. Now, who would like to pay homage to the bolt, the quickdraw, and the Gri-Gri?

quote: Originally posted by trask: I'm not a snob, I hate everybody. Hey, dammit! DFA lives by that line (or at least variations thereupon). He was even going to try for a vanity license plate reading "H8 EVR1." Perhaps one day, when he has money to squander on such trivialities. [ 08-06-2002, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Funny thing; DFA too respects those of you who go out, freeze balls (or comparable girl-parts), and run it out on barely-frozen-together choss while wearing a pack. But he'll stick with the relaxing atmosphere of Smith, and the endless sequence puzzling and hang doggery of sport climbing.

trask - Nothing else to do. And it's not the alpineness DFA hates, it's the snobness, alpo. tex - Dr. Flash Amazing will never submit to your twisted worldview. Sportism all the way! [ 08-06-2002, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Mr. Tex, Dr. Flash Amazing's cockiness, as you see it, is a product of his alpine-snob surroundings, and is wholly reflexive. He doesn't fancy himself or his sportness any better than anyone else, but when some frostbitten lout starts spraying about sport climbing's inferiority or about dumb sportos, DFA is compelled to respond in kind. Plus it's kinda fun stirring up some shit now and again. Yours in cragging, Dr. Flash Amazing

Huh? Crack Babies is a fun route, you're right! A little epoxy here and there, but it's like Red Rocks climbing! Oh, oops. That'd be in response to Trask, there. [ 08-06-2002, 03:28 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Ah, well. Bring in the B-52s, then (although they haven't had a hit song in years--HA HAAAAAA!!!).

1. DFA has been purveying his spray in the third person since long before that hack Master Beta came on the scene. 2. While a sport enthusiast, DFA does not carry or use a stick clip, therefore GregW will have to substitute another object for his Dr. Flash Amazing anal fantasies--sorry, sport! 3. Glenn Danzig is a fuckin' troll. Can you actually listen with a straight face to him singing about how he "killed your baby today?" The guy's gotta be pushin' 50 ... 4. Richard Noggin is hereby entitled to free treatments at the Amazing Clinic, as well as free admission to all AmazingCo., Inc. sponsored events. [ 08-06-2002, 02:55 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: Originally posted by Dru: im all in favor of voluntary war. all willing combatants propceed to antarctica immediately - i will chip in to pay for your guns and ammo... You monster! What about the penguins and all of the ... snow?

Let's see, here. You're probably one of those climbers that kvetches about ill-prepared wanks mobbing your favorite route and buggering up your backcountry experience, no? Why encourage Dr. Flash Amazing, avowed projecter (as opposed to "projector," as in movies or slides) and sports climbing afficionado to come visit your mountains? Anyway, when DFA said "weeks," that's in weekend warrior terms, not literal weeks (although some projects have stretched over enough weekends to fill a few weeks). The Doctor is referring to several weekends' worth of work. Plus, while you're interested in taking in some lovely wilderness scenery (a fine pursuit, in DFA's opinion, but one he typically engages in from a boat or his boots), Dr. Flash Amazing is interested in climbing more hard routes. Believe it or not, solving sequences and mustering up the endurance to keep pulling while you're too pumped to think straight is actually pretty fun. Imagine that! [ 08-06-2002, 01:48 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Au contraire, mister mountaineer! He was wearing the new La Sportiva "Club" slipper, which he helped design for the many toeless alpine climbers who are flocking to the exciting and convenient arena of sports climbing. From La Sportiva's product literature: "...in fact, the Club was developed by famed alpinist Reinhold Messner. Its special rectangular last is designed to fit the feet of mountaineers who have lost their toes to frostbite, and, coincidentally, those with clubfoot."

Mr. Puget, The verb "projecting" is actually derived from the noun "project," as in, "Dyno Dave has been working on his project for months, dude!" It has nothing to do with the verb "to project." Thank you for your interest in sports climbing and its attendant terminologies. Regards, Dr. Flash "Vocab" Amazing

True! Cc.com is now a wholly owned subsidiary of the megaconglomerate AmazingCo., Inc. This means you're all subject to the unpredictable, iron-fisted whim of Dr. Flash Amazing, malicious mastermind and terrifying tycoon. Cower, unwashed dogs!

For best results, purchase a pack of stencil letters from your neighborhood office or art supply store, get some spraypaint (pick a color), and spell out "I AM MARK TWIGHT, FEAR MY TORMENTEDNESS" on your lid. Sure to instill fear and admiration at any crag.

Cripes! It took DFA four hours to hike in! Well, maybe not quite four hours, but close enough ...

The hell with a new "speed" forum! What this joint needs is a damn "sport" forum. How the hell can you cats have a "spray" forum and no one even drops names, numbers, or talks about that wicked lockoff on the sloping gaston at the fourth bolt? [ 08-06-2002, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Oh, it's merino wool, is it? Well, look who's got an encyclopedic knowledge of textiles, Mr. Prancing Nancy. Do tell, is it one of those natty sweater vests?