ivan

i guess i'm a monster, but my most "natural" instinct when listening to babies shriek is to throw them out the window infanticide is plenty common in nature too (lions, gorillas are 2 animals that come to mind), and in ancient human history (dude, didn't you like, see "300?") babies - they're what's for dinner!

"those guys are fags!!!"

dude - bill coe has got too much goddamn time on his hands and my thread gotz 2000 views now - now where is my double goddamn flamey-thing bitzes?!

no - they are all equally worthless

this is how i discovered they're printed on certified jimmy-o grade high-powered jesus-fuck-me-in-the-cerebral-cortex quality lsd by the time i was to uprising the far side of the gorge was melting man, melting!!!

is this gonna pay me more than teaching? i could use a change (and jugging practice)

surely one'a'you photoshop masters can put a nice phat cum-shot on her glasses?

sprayo, ergo sum?

i think someone may have put in a beautiful bolt anchor at tree ledge, but it was pitch black and i was no more sober than an irishman on sunday morning old larry had a funny story about jim on saturday - somewhere around 330 it started going nuts, saying it was going be sundown in 15 minutes, then providing a countdown for the next 30 minutes while harranguing all about him to "get the fuck down!" i would have enjoyed being in brighton august 2nd - those are some cheeky looking bastards!

nope - gotta use a highlighter instead i was suprised to notice i've done less than half the climbs at beacon, though this is no doubt due in part to a number of them being very, very ghey

U.S. Marshalls and National Park Rangers dont count. no, to them i'm more like "infamous" and you can add state park rangers to the list now as well

flat, i believe, ala the pimped out new young warriors base

jesus god, the rock wall at the summit looks fawking hawt - i assume ya'll just did the ice floes though?

wait, emumclaw's in OREGON?!?

i saw that good work you started on there, geoff - nice! it really was a shitty place to try to stand around and get geared up...

how'yre toes feeling now, john?

looks misty "free" climbing (for kevbone)

hmm, not entirely a free move on the .11a crack - there is crazy air under you as you step out to start this, the 3rd pitch

nice, and ttk moves w/n 1 of tying for the tr-count lead!

i applied for a summer job cooking bbq when i was 20 - the meth-addicted crazy intense chef looked at my app, then said only "what's your favorite spice?" i'd never thought about it before, mostly b/c i was still eating ramen and had only red robin seasoning at home - "paprika?" - "ak! paprika is a bitch-spice - it adds nothing, only makes noticable what is there! i can't believe i'm hiring you."

well, it wouldn't be a beacon TR w/o something to argue about what i mean is, as you notice, it difficult to climb up to the gap on the ridge w/o touching parts of all 3 of the routes listed below - it's more like 1 route w/ a number of variations possible then 3 totally indepedent lines - i have the same problem w/ the winter delight/sufficiently breathless area above the first tunnel - i usually end up mixing and matching as to adding bolts/pins - if the fa said it's cool, then it's fine w/ me - the pro is pretty goddamn sketchy along the way (thus my rambling over the parts of all the routes in a constant search for something positive) and there are several parts of the lines i ignored precisely b/c there's no pro and nasty fall consequences - there is still one fixed pin that marks a very fun traverse and young-warrior-esque strenous sidepull around a corner to get a yellow alien in

there's no oak on route fo shizzle - pretty certain we stayed out of it on the top out too

awesome - been wondering were in the hell it had gone - how did joe get it? you looked might cold waiting down there to start up free for all dave! you gotta talk nate into dragging your ass up this climb man - very cool setting and novel views - you just need an army of coolies to scrub the hamburger sized lichens out

yeah, i've never understood how they could have justified squeezing so many lines into 1 narrow area - i could have mentioned that the first true pitch of jensen's is the dirty, shitty, stupid 5.0 thing around the corner, but i'd imagine most folks would want to start right off the ground on some real climbing your anchor at the notch kev is the only decent bolt belay on the whole climb, but it was diminished somewhat by the fact that a hurricane force wind was being funneled through the gap

Trip: Beacon Rawk - Jackanapes on Jensens Ridge (5.11a or 5.10 A1 III 5 pitches) Date: 11/15/2008 Trip Report: today was the 33rd anniversary of the raging tempest that sunk the emdmund fitzgerald - it was a fitting day to be at beacon, where despite the gay promises of weekend sun, the reality of brisk, windy weather was that i wore 3 layers all day, my face ended storm-kist, corneas shredded by wind-born lichen on this skanky-dirty route the sound track for this tr - for your personal listening pleasure [video:youtube]v=99rOzMVtcx4 the route - jensens ridge is the dominant and sickeningly soaring sw ridge of beacon rock - i'm sad to realize this TR has little hope of achieving the erstwhile fame of my late silver crow/axe of karma debacle b/c it lacks a certainly contreversialness - you can see the scandoulous panel of silver crow on the upper right corner of this route phote though - this is the arena of terror - this is the fucking edge! me on the thin, dirty, scarey first pitch - geoff took the pix while waiting for jim n' company i fell right around here on grassy, slick, cold rock mike following near the top of pitch 2 - this is a fun one - it's very short, but i had to tension into the super-steep, exposed finger crack - the route is plagued by thick, hoary, abudant lichen, which makes its presence know w/ authority on this pithc i'm hoping miker throws in his photos for the cum-shot pitch, the core reason for taking on this rarely touched classic - it's got what you want - extremely difficult, overhanging thin crack w/ horrific exposure followed by a godawful "mindbending offwidth" that weighs in at 11a, but for me was more like 5.10 A1 - it easily takes 3 #3s and #4s camalots, plus 2 #5s - this was my 2nd lead of this pitch, and i can't help but think i'd do it faster w/ proper aiders - as it was i had to use several slings as stirrups as the incredible lichen-factor and steepness make free climbing essentially impossible for non-wheatie free-basers the incredible 4th pitch - we climbed the right side crack system - very steep, very pumpy and a lot of small gear to start w the the real threat of ledging out on a fall - it gets very cool when you suddenly can start stemming intot he left crack - a 30 year old pin marks the inverted Y interstection recently cleaned by jeff thomas, yet still totally obscure, west face climbs on beacon rock an unusual beacon rock climbing view - the impressive talus field below the west face the anchor at the top of pitch 3 - 2 80's era smc 1/4 inch rusted ass bolts - 3 small cams in the crack above top roped the second though looking down on joe healy from the top of pitch 3 - joe's at the top free for all maybe? - of interest are the bolts, center-frame, for silver crow/axe of karma, which would come up from the bottom of the frame - a blackberry shrub appears to threaten the pipeline headwall exit onto the anchors looking back at mike at the belay for pithc 4 - i walked down the ledge top to look at silver crow's topout - notice the old bolt, center frame, in a sea of thick ass lichen - i ripped off an ancient scrap of webbing and excavated several inches of moss/pine needles/dirt to unearth the bolt - not certain of its purpose - perhaps to protect a climber comign up from silver crow for jensen's last pitch? looking up from the lonely bolt - very interesting aid lines to the right of the jensens exit - the left side crack is a 6-8" chimney - the right crack is thinner, but has a series of giant stacked blocks atop it that might suck the awesome exit roof crack on the two lanes to the right of the pitch 4 of jensens looking down on pitch 3 of jensens - the "mindbending off-width" is in the center - the top of the first pitch is in the sunlight below mike arriving at the sketacular belay at the top of pitch 4 - my ass cheeks splayed either side of the divide, ready to go whichever way necessary to stop The Great Descent - 1 pitch above this (our 5th on the route) brought us through poison-oak less terrain (i fucking hope!) of moss, mank and brush to the railings of the trail and a whole herd of twittering tourists, none of whom were hawt dammit the pale setting sun over the western columbia river gorge - fierce winds on the this day, the anniversary of the november storm that sunkt he edmound fitzgerald looking down on the river from 500 feet up - notice the sharp contrast between the extremly turbid, churned up and silt-laden water created by the recent intense rains - the shorelines are calmer as the sun set, mike and i finished out the day by escorting old larry up to his bivy at the paryt ledge - i reveled in my relative light-weightedness and led all the pitches of the se corner in the blustery dark - a most titillating rap down the dutchman on a single strand rounded out the day Gear Notes: total, for the whole route, assuming your mortal like me 2-3 blue, green, yellow, red aliens 2 .75, 1, 2, 5 camlots 3 3, 4 single set of nuts 15+ draws Approach Notes: never seen so many shrooms!