112 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I tried to find Kevbone's older post regarding child abuse (to capture all your previous comments), but I was unsuccessful. If someone could add a link to that thread I would appreciate it. For the record I believe I was both physically and mentally (cocncurred by a therapist) abused growing up and that is part of the reason I have trouble making lasting relashionships (I have am single with few good friends and it is the same deal for my siblings!), but yeah it is good for you! Spanking is only expedient in the short-term! Why Spanking Doesn’t Work Paying someone to listen to my gripes is unappealing, so I just deal with it. Thanks dad! Quote
Coldfinger Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 cocncurred by a therapist I sincerely hope that's a typo. It just sounds like...... Quote
tvashtarkatena Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Study after study shows that parents who go for spanking also (surprise!) have a tendency to lose it and take out their life frustrations on their kids. Given their comfort for the use of violence to get what they want, these parents also tend to have more life frustrations to tweak them out than more together folks. Spankers/abusers (same same) often denigrate more peaceful parents as being 'too soft'. In reality, spanking is just a child in an adult's body indulging themselves at the expense of their defenseless, weaker children. It's a gross abuse of parental responsibility, a violation of familial trust, and, thankfully, also a crime in many instances. Quote
ivan Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 jesus, who of our generation didn't get whaled on from time to time? seems like one of those capital punishment type discussions - sure, in the extreme its bad, but jesus, some kids are just asking for it! Quote
tvashtarkatena Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Spanking isn't the answer, Ivan. Now quietly driving away from a remote rest stop whilst the wee angel tinkles, on the other hand.... Quote
rob Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It's not kevbone's resistance to spanking that people were making fun of, it was his insistence that it's bad to make children do things they don't want to do or force them to follow rules. Quote
Doug Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I just spent the better part of a week with my oldest brother and some extended family. We had great stories to tell about our misadventures and the punishment received for said misadventures. Almost to a person we all agreed that the occasional belt across the ass or hand to the back of the head was pretty damned effective in teaching us both right from wrong and was a pretty fair consequence for our various transgressions. We also took the opportunity to use those stories to tell the next generation (our kids) how good they have it or had it. Quote
ivan Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 my big bro took a steel brush to my dad's new car - scoured both his name and mine (albeit in much smaller letters) into it, over n' over - still not certain why my father didn't kill him Quote
tvashtarkatena Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I just spent the better part of a week with my oldest brother and some extended family. We had great stories to tell about our misadventures and the punishment received for said misadventures. Almost to a person we all agreed that the occasional belt across the ass or hand to the back of the head was pretty damned effective in teaching us both right from wrong and was a pretty fair consequence for our various transgressions. We also took the opportunity to use those stories to tell the next generation (our kids) how good they have it or had it. It's the daily hours of rage that gets old. Quote
kevbone Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 it was his insistence that it's bad to make children do things they don't want to do or force them to follow rules. Huh? It was? Quote
Doug Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I just spent the better part of a week with my oldest brother and some extended family. We had great stories to tell about our misadventures and the punishment received for said misadventures. Almost to a person we all agreed that the occasional belt across the ass or hand to the back of the head was pretty damned effective in teaching us both right from wrong and was a pretty fair consequence for our various transgressions. We also took the opportunity to use those stories to tell the next generation (our kids) how good they have it or had it. It's the daily hours of rage that gets old. I've got it down to 13.6 minutes a day now Pat. Getting much better! Quote
112 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 cocncurred by a therapist I sincerely hope that's a typo. It just sounds like...... Yes, typo. Funny thing is to justify my upbringing I would often say: "At least I wasn't raped!" Like that is a good standard from which to measure. Regarding others being spanked, the article stated 90% parents spank. So, I am not unique, nor seeking sympathy; I am just being honest, and maybe the one who know me can understand some of my idiosyncrasies. I just thought it was a good article. And, often abused children suppress the abuse. I know I thought reporting it would just make it worse. So, I took it. Like a lot of things in my life. Did you ever laugh after getting your bare ass spanked? I did and he just hit harder. My take: your going to cry fucker... Quote
denalidave Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 my big bro took a steel brush to my dad's new car - scoured both his name and mine (albeit in much smaller letters) into it, over n' over - still not certain why my father didn't kill him Quote
denalidave Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 My parents occasionally spanked me but it was in now way a show of venting their own personal frustrations by "whaling" on us. Spankings were the last stop in a long line of lesser punishments. When we were a bit older, spankings were no longer effective so the turned to "restrictions" - ie grounded from play, toys, whatever. Sure, I'm sure you can find plenty of case studies where spanking is certainly abuse. I just don't believe it is a cut and dry scenario, rather, plenty of shades of grey between the black and white. I've spanked my kids when they were younger, again, as a last resort after other attempts have failed. I don't do it anymore, now that they are 6 & 8 years old and I am able to reason with them on a more verbal level, as well as taking away privileges and/or toys. I can also look at the opposite end of the spectrum where parents did not care enough about their kids to do ANY type of discipline and that has wreaked havoc on kids socialization too. I certainly do see the hypocrisy... "Don't hit your brother" - SMACK! Quote
denalidave Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Seems the big delineating factor is a parent that does use abuse to vent and a parent that truly does care and is just trying to do what is best for the child in the long run. Not ALL spankers are abusers (IMO). Every spanking I ever got or gave was precluded and followed up by a calm conversation something like "If you continue to do XXX, I will give you a spanking (after lesser "threats" have not worked). Ok, now you know this is going to hurt me just as much as it does you, but you cannot do XXX and continue to get away with it. I know you don't understand yet, but we spank you because we LOVE you and want you to learn to do what is right." Same, same after the spanking... After kiddo calms down, put them on the lap and remind them "We love you, I'm sorry we had to give you a spanking"... Yes, I did feel like a hypocrite when spanking and really don't like the idea. No, the system is not perfect, but neither is life. Go ahead and flame on, Trashie... Then, there is the parent that just flies off the handle and smacks or verbally abuses a child at random or whenever the child makes a mistake. Clearly, there is a lot of room for a variety of levels of "abuse" vs "punishment". I'd argue it would be pretty easy to see the difference from a parent that hits to abuse/vent vs a parent that occasionally and sparingly dishes out a little pain on the ass to straighten a wayward child. Spanking is a tool, one that should be used as sparingly as possible. This does not justify abusing children in any way shape or form. One could easily argue that not disciplining a child is equally as damaging. Quote
denalidave Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm too lazy, prolly cause I got spanked when growing up (not to mention spanked on the 5.11 route last week) but I bet there are a lot of "studies" put out on the other end of the spectrum supporting corporal punishment (not to be confused with abuse). Quote
Coldfinger Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It seems, from a legal perspective, that the big difference between what is abuse and what is not is what neighborhood it occurs in. No this is not a trailer park joke. Ethnicity, religion, education etc. I don't buy that spanking is abuse per se, abuse is hard to define but very easy to spot if you see it and even easier if you feel it. It's a hard balance between abuse and neglect. Quote
tvashtarkatena Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm too lazy, prolly cause I got spanked when growing up (not to mention spanked on the 5.11 route last week) but I bet there are a lot of "studies" put out on the other end of the spectrum supporting corporal punishment (not to be confused with abuse). No, actually, there aren't. Quote
Coldfinger Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 As for the title of the thread, I remember with great amusement the last time my dad spanked me; he ended up with a hurt hand and I was laughing my ass off. Even as a twelve year old I had a rock hard butt. Quote
denalidave Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It seems, from a legal perspective, that the big difference between what is abuse and what is not is what neighborhood it occurs in. No this is not a trailer park joke. Ethnicity, religion, education etc. I don't buy that spanking is abuse per se, abuse is hard to define but very easy to spot if you see it and even easier if you feel it. It's a hard balance between abuse and neglect. Quote
ivan Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 As for the title of the thread, I remember with great amusement the last time my dad spanked me; he ended up with a hurt hand and I was laughing my ass off. Even as a twelve year old I had a rock hard butt. sadly, my cavalry officer father had a horse-whip close at hand reckon the old testament god wasn't such a fan of this study? Quote
denalidave Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm too lazy, prolly cause I got spanked when growing up (not to mention spanked on the 5.11 route last week) but I bet there are a lot of "studies" put out on the other end of the spectrum supporting corporal punishment (not to be confused with abuse). No, actually, there aren't. Sure bout that? New Study Finds Why Spanking is Good Googlez Quote
denalidave Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 As for the title of the thread, I remember with great amusement the last time my dad spanked me; he ended up with a hurt hand and I was laughing my ass off. Even as a twelve year old I had a rock hard butt. sadly, my cavalry officer father had a horse-whip close at hand reckon the old testament god wasn't such a fan of this study? My dad was president of his college fraternity and still has his old wooden paddle with all the names of pledges he whacked. Nine times out of ten, all he had to do was pull that old, taped up wooden frat paddle and we usually straightened right up. The other 1 out of 10, he used it with love. Quote
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