Jokes......

[kevbone]

OK, so this man becomes a monk, moves into a monastery, and takes a vow of silence: he’s only allowed to say 2 words every 7 years. For seven years he toils about the monastery and does everything that’s expected of a monk. After seven years the Abbot calls him in to speak his two words. “Too cold,” the man says. Seven more years pass before the Abbot calls him in again. “Bad food,” the man says. For another seven years the man lives and works in silence before the Abbot calls him in again. “I quit,” he says. The Abbot explodes “Fine! Go! You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

[underworld]

"bad joke"

[kevbone]

A man walked into the Dr. office and asked for an opinion. The Dr. told him he needs to stop masturbating. The man asked "is that a problem"? Why do I need to stop? The Dr. replied…..so I can examine you…….

[underworld]

A man walked into the Dr. office and says it hurts when he goes to the bathroom. The Dr. told him to loosen his grip.

[cheamclimber]

whats the most sensitive part of a boy while jerking off?.....his ears, waiting to hear his mom coming up the stairs

[Doug]

A guy walks into a bar. He says ouch.

[Doug]

A Priest, Rabbi & Shaman walk into a bar. The bartender says what is this, some kind of a joke?

[Hendershot]

An englishman, scotsman and an irish man are drinking at a bar. A fly lands on the english man's drink. He says "bartender, I need a fresh beer, a fly landed on this one".

The fly touches the scotsman's glass, he waves it away and finishes the drink.

the fly goes to the irish man's drink. The irish guy grabs the fly by both wings, gets up in his face and says "spit it out motherfucker"

[sobo]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop."

[ivan]

what's wrong w/ bush's brain?

 

there's nothing left of the right of it and there's nothing right with the left of it

[Dechristo]

nosegay

[Doug]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey why the long face?".

[cheamclimber]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey why the long face?".

it should say ' Hay, why the long face'

[sobo]

Why do kamikazi pilots wear helmets?

 

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

 

How do you know it's new and improved dog food?

 

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

 

Why do tornadoes always touch down in trailer parks?

 

Why do school busses always stall out on railroad tracks?

 

Why do they put Braille pads at drive-thru ATM machines?

 

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

 

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

 

Does "virgin wool" come from sheep that glassgowkiss hasn't caught yet?

[sobo]

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I don't wanna go around in circles anymore."

 

"Shut up, kid, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

[sobo]

FOR SALE: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

[ivan]

praire home companions pretty good joke show joke engine

[sobo]

From the "Bad Joke" category ^^

 

Bumpersticker: Joan of Arc is alive and medium well

 

I had to laugh...

[sobo]

Jumbo Joke website

[Hendershot]

 

Bob works hard at the plant and spends

two nights each week bowling and

plays golf every Saturday.

 

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she

takes him to a local strip club.

 

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

 

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

 

'Oh no,' says Bob.

'He's in my bowling team.

 

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if

he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

 

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she

know that you d rink Budweiser?'

 

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

 

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

 

A stripper then comes ove r to their table, throws her arms around Bob,

starts to rub herself all over him and says,

 

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

 

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out

of the club.

 

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

 

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

 

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him

for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

 

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4

letter word in the book.

 

The cabby turns around and says,

 

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

 

The funeral for BOB is on Friday

[archenemy]

6.5012897 - natural logarithm of the beast

665.999998734 - number of the Pentium beast

[cheamclimber]

Bob works hard at the plant and spends

two nights each week bowling and

plays golf every Saturday.

 

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she

takes him to a local strip club.

 

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

 

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

 

'Oh no,' says Bob.

'He's in my bowling team.

 

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if

he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

 

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she

know that you d rink Budweiser?'

 

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

 

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

 

A stripper then comes ove r to their table, throws her arms around Bob,

starts to rub herself all over him and says,

 

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

 

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out

of the club.

 

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

 

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

 

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him

for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

 

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4

letter word in the book.

 

The cabby turns around and says,

 

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

 

The funeral for BOB is on Friday

 

hahaha, laughed for 5 minutes

[RuMR]

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I don't wanna go around in circles anymore."

 

"Shut up, kid, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

EBAY ad for french assault rifle

 

Assault rifle in good condition. Never fired, dropped once...

[sobo]

[StevenSeagal]

Q:Why do Canadians do it doggy style?

 

A: So they can both watch the hockey game.