Lyger Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 After a romantic dinner and too many bottles of wine, Longpause, Cook, adn I decided that the song does not actually have 50 ways to leave your lover and as a result, compiled a list of legitimate ways to leave your lover (Kindly remember that we were sufficiently snockered): 1. Lasso a new one Newman 2. Leave Steve 3. Kill 'em Migellen 4. Pop one off Geoff 5. Get yourself clear, Mirra 6. Hop on the horse Morris 7. Take a hike Mike 8. Jump out the window Melinda 9. Buy a slave Dave 10. Pretend to take a piss Liz 11. Bury her under a hill phil 12. Use the bat Kat 13. Let them be eaten by rats Matt 14. Smother them with your butt Russ 15. Lose her in the mosh pit josh 16. pretend your names Persephone, Stephanie 17. Send her to hell, Thelma 18. Know when to say when Gwen 19. Just try to evade her Darth Vader 20. Bite her in the leg Craig 21. Give her scabies baby 22. Give her giardia, Gerard 23. Keep on your pants constance 24. Get a new job Rob 25. Live in your van Dan 26. Poo in front of your man Lou 27. Get a new writer Gary Snyder 28. Don't be true Lou 29. Ride off ona blue steed Lou Reed 30. you don't need to do much right now Adam 31. Let her fly Tighe 32. Send him to his death Elizabeth 33. Stangle him with a hose rose 34. Take lots of meth Elizabeth 35. Don't give a damn Sam 36. Sleep with all the rest Elizabeth 37. Make her trip and fall Charles de Gaulle 38. Push in front of a train Wayne 39. Take her to the faggery Greogory 40. Hit her with a tube Betty big Boobs 41. Hit her with an egg Meg 42. Stab her in the face Mace 43. Send her in a space ship Kip 44. Go live with the dinosauras Laura 45. Slap her with a fish Mitch 46. Make a bad belay Ray 47. Give her some elderberry wine Lineus 48. Stab her inthe heart Mark 49. Give her some ether Esther 50. Get ona bike Mike, and just peddle away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 thanks for #50 and somebody has some free time go die on a funeral pyre, Lyger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cook Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 # 20 is for you Gyselinck # 19 is for you Darth Vader  Layton, that was a good one. I met you the other day at Lyger's . We should drink again sometime  #52 Bury her in the grain Wayne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Cook, i've begun without you.   here is a list i found of 33 ways to impress your lover. i once saw a list of 50, but can't seem to find it. 1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed  to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)  2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep  and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.  3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so  that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.  4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this  right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.  5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments  before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the  back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,  the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.  6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)  7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the  neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.  8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty  wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However,  you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must  gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.  9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you  oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek.  It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.  10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.  11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull  back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.  12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you  start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The  force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.  13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before  you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.  14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to  do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.  15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls,  tap the head of your cock on her forehead.  16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you  attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it  can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.  17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is  forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are  available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.  18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use  of the tongue.  19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.  20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.  21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure  as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all  over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).  22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that  when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.  23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while  laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.  24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her  ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed  winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.  25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and  discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you  stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry  smothers your face.  26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who  has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.  27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then  proceed to titty fuck her.  28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal  probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple  knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either  on one finger or on multiple).  29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from  behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to  anythingwhen she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside  so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.  30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners  face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.  31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while  getting head.  (Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible,  but it is definitely worth a try.  32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's  on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.  33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in  the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Search: 99 ways to impress your lover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gyselinck Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 If all thats on your mind Layton, i dont ever want to drink with you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cook Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 Layton, I'll still drink with you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 if your drinking right now, then you are drinking with me. maybe we could show gyselinck some of the more adventuresome ones on that list Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 I can't believe it doesnt give the Hot Carl the proper name. What cheap site did u cut and paste it from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 yeah, i'm really sorry. i was pretty dissapointed myself. i can't seem to figure out how to find 99 ways to impress your lover. maybe Wayne can hook us up. Â p.s. sorry gang for ruining your thread, but that's what things get...ruined Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 yeah, i'm really sorry. i was pretty dissapointed myself. i can't seem to figure out how to find 99 ways to impress your lover. maybe Wayne can hook us up. p.s. sorry gang for ruining your thread, but that's what things get...ruined thats not ruined that is all new epic adventure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyger Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005  p.s. sorry gang for ruining your thread, but that's what things get...ruined  you didn't ruin the thread, its all I ever hoped it would be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cook Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 you didn't ruin the thread, its all I ever hoped it would be! Â Â and even more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 (edited) how bout 33 ways to leave the coffee shop, stop studying, checking email, and go climbing instead?  #1. drop outta school, fool #2. sell your computer, M.Peabody Van Pooter #3. move outta Portland, Morton   multiply by 11, and we've got something   GUESS WHAT # on my previous list of how to impress your lover i'm attempting, or finishing up??? Edited June 12, 2005 by michael_layton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraken Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 i'm trying to figure what kind of melted chocolate peanut-ridden candy bar that is. I'm going to take a guess and say a Hundred Grand bar? Am I right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Divot Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 damn! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Divot Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 i mean really ....damn...lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Divot Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 sorry......i just had a beer and this post caught me off guard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 It's Longpause's Corn Nutty poop. damn thing gave me scabies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dechristo Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 GUESS WHAT # on my previous list of how to impress your lover i'm attempting, or finishing up??? Journal reference: Wilderness and Environmental Medicine (vol 16, p 92:Â ...also, it is apparent that climbers addled by oxygen deprivation are mistaking partially digested feces for discarded Clif Bars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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