gapertimmy Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 yarrr matey, it be high time we allz talk like pirates! yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Quote
gapertimmy Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 (edited) RIChaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard Simmons! Edited July 29, 2004 by gapertimmy Quote
gapertimmy Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 yarrrr methinks mountie man has himself in eye patch under those blue blockers yaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Quote
gapertimmy Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 yarrrr, me be thinkin of classic spray! Girl: Hi Boy: hello Boy: who is this? Girl: just a someone? Boy: A someone I know? Girl: nope Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me? Girl: well sorrrrrry Girl: I just wanted to chat with you Boy: why? Girl: nevermind your an asshole Boy: Hey wait a minute Girl: yes? Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid Girl: paranoid? Boy: yes Girl: of what? Girl: me? Boy: No. I'm in hiding. Girl: LOL Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me! Boy: This shit is serious! Girl: What are you hiding from? Boy: The cops. Girl: gimme a fucking break Boy: I'm serious. Girl: I don't get it Boy: The cops are after me. Girl: For what? Boy: I'm wanted in three states Girl: For??? Boy: It's kindof embarrasing. Boy: I had sex with a turkey. Boy: Hello? Girl: You are fucking sick. Boy: Send me your picture. Girl: why? Boy: so I know you aren't one of them. Girl: One of what? Boy: The cops. Girl: I'm not a cop i told you Boy: Then send me your picture. Girl: hold on Boy: Hurry up. Boy: Are you there? Boy: fuck you, cop! Girl: Hey sorry Girl: I had to do something for my mom. Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me. Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities. Boy: Weren't you!? Girl: thats not it Boy: Then what? Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty Boy: Most cops aren't Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD! Boy: Then send me the picture. Girl: fine. What's your e-mail? Boy: Just send it through here. Girl: alright *PIC* Girl: Did you get it? Boy: Hold on. I'm looking. Girl: That was me back in may Girl: I've lost weight since then. Boy: I hope so Girl: what?!? Girl: that hurt my feelings. Boy: Did it? Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now. Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture? Girl: yes Boy: Alright let me find it. Girl: kks Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC* Girl: this isn't you. Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't! Girl: You don't look like that. Boy: How the hell do you know? Girl: cause your profile has another picture. Boy: The profile pic is a fake. Boy: I use it to hide from the cops. Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy.... Boy: Not to mention all the groceries. Girl: Go fuck yourself Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week. Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture. Girl: You've done nothing but slam me. Girl: you hurt me. Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me? Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me! Boy: Why would I do that? Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap.. Girl: FUC YOU!!! Boy: You'd break both of his legs. Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole. Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me Boy: Ok. I'm sorry. Girl: No you aren't Boy: You're right. I'm not. Boy: HAARRRRR! Girl: I'm done with you Boy: Aww. I'm sorry. Girl: I'm putting you on ignore Boy: Wait a sec Boy: We got off on the wrong foot. Boy: Wanna start over? Girl: No Boy: I'll eat your pussy Girl: You'll what? Boy: You heard me. Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy. Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy? Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes Boy: Well I'm not like most men. Boy: I get excited in different ways. Girl: Like what? Boy: Do you really wanna know? Girl: I don't know Boy: You have to tell me yes or no. Girl: I'm afraid to Boy: Why? Girl: cause Boy: cause why? Girl: well lets see Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you? Boy: Nope Girl: well its strange to me Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to Girl: I didn't say that Boy: So is that a yes? Girl: I guess so. Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though. Boy: Are you willing? Girl: What do you need me to do? Boy: I need you talk like a pirate. Girl: ??? Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!" Boy: ok? Boy: Hello? Girl: You can't be serious Boy: Oh yes I am! Boy: It's my fantasy. Girl: this is retarded Boy: Do you want it or not? Girl: Yes I want it. Boy: Then you'll do it for me? Girl: sure Boy: Ok. Here we go. Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs. Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy. Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit. Girl: mmmm yeah Boy: uh oh ...going limp. Girl: Har Boy: You gotta do better than that! Boy: Your picture was really bad. Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke. Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth. Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose. Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity. Girl: mmmmmm you are good Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder Boy: going limp Girl: HARRRRRRR Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands. Boy: You begin to sway back and forth. Boy: going limp Girl: this is stupid Boy: ...still limp Boy: Do it! Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole. Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass. Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole. Girl: WTF?!?!? Boy: They stink really bad. Girl: OMG STOP!!! Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg. Boy: I ram it up your ass. Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!! Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head. Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple... Boy: I kick you in the face! Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!! Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin... Boy: Your parrot flys away. Boy: ...going limp again. Boy: Hello? Boy: Say it! Boy: HAARRRRRR!! Quote
bunglehead Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 What's a pirate's favorite animal? An AAAAARDvAAARK! Quote
iain Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 I was hoping it was a post like catbirdseat thread. Quote
iain Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 yaaarrrrr unless ya measure da crack with a caliper for optimum gear placement you'll be callin' saaaaarrrrrrrr. yaaarrrrr Quote
fenderfour Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Did you hear about the sequel to "Pirates of The Carribean"? It's going to be rated Aaarrrrrgh. Quote
gapertimmy Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, me be lookin for some iCougarrrrrrrrrrs Quote
iain Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 well ya come to da right place laddy cause there be iCougars aplenty in the hold to swab yer poopdeck here. HARHAHAAAARRR Quote
bird Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Did you hear about the sequel to "Pirates of The Carribean"? It's going to be rated Aaarrrrrgh. Ahoy matey. This joke be aaarrrrrrrrrrful. Quote
fenderfour Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 I found one of my GF's thongs in the dryer. I put it over my head like an eye patch and asked her "Aaarghh theeese Yooours?" No points scored... Quote
iain Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 bwahahahaarhahaharharharhaaaHAAAAAARRRRRR YAARR!! Quote
fenderfour Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 what is a pirate's favorite drink? What-Aaarghhh... Quote
Greg_W Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 I found one of my GF's thongs in the dryer. I put it over my head like an eye patch and asked her "Aaarghh theeese Yooours?" No points scored... That's classic. Can I use that one? Quote
Greg_W Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 MORE CLASSIC SPRAY:: Minx: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like? Trask: I'm 6'2" and about 210 pounds. I wear glasses, and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner - it smells a little funny. Minx: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Trask: OK. Minx: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Trask: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat. Minx: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Trask: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. Minx: I'm moaning softly. Trask: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Minx: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. Trask: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and I accidentally rip a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry. Minx: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. Trask: I'll pay for it. Minx: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder. Trask: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Minx: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back and undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Trask: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Minx: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Trask: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Minx: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Trask: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit. Minx: What? Trask: I'm so sorry. Really. Minx: I'm wiping your spit off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Trask: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop. Minx: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool. Trask: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Minx: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Trask: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling on your ... umm ... wait a minute. Minx: What's the matter? Trask: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Minx: Are you OK? Trask: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Minx: Can I help? Trask: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Minx: In the cabinet, to the right of the sink. Trask: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that’s better. Minx: Come back to me, lover. Trask: I'm washing the cup now. Minx: I'm on the bed, aching for you. Trask: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom. Minx: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Trask: I found it. Minx: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly. Trask: Me too. Trask: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing against each other. Trask: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Minx: Why don't you take off your glasses? Trask: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. Minx: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Trask: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Minx: Hurry back, lover. Trask: I find the bathroom. It's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Minx: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Trask: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! Minx: What's the matter now? Trask: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Minx: Mmm, yes. Come on. Trask: OK, now I'm going to put my ... you know ... thing ... in your ... you know ... woman's thing. Minx: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Trask: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. Minx: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide it in! Screw me now! Trask: I'm flaccid. Minx: What? Trask: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. Minx: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face. Trask: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. Minx: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet, nasty blouse. Trask: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. Minx: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. Trask: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Minx: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Trask: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.