Dan_Harris Posted December 8, 2003 Posted December 8, 2003 "People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December. " - Ogden Nash Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 9, 2003 Posted December 9, 2003 "About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they’re serving rum balls." - Anonymous Holiday Eating Tips Quote
iain Posted December 9, 2003 Posted December 9, 2003 Veni, Vidi, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. Quote
lummox Posted December 9, 2003 Posted December 9, 2003 Across the world, malaria kills three children a minute. Quote
allthumbs Posted December 9, 2003 Posted December 9, 2003 "You'll shoot your eye out, Ralphie!" Quote
iain Posted December 9, 2003 Posted December 9, 2003 Christmas Rum Cake 1 or 2 quarts rum 1 tbsp. baking powder 1 cup butter 1 tsp. soda 1 tsp. sugar 1 tbsp. lemon juice 2 large eggs 2 cups brown sugar 2 cups dried assorted fruit 3 cups chopped English walnuts Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It must be just right. Be sure the rum is of the highest quality. Pour one cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat one cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of tugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure the rum teh absolutely highest quality. Sample another cup. Open second quart as necessary. Add 2 orge laggs, 2 cups of fried druit and beat untill high. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, just pry it loose with a screwdriver. Sample the rum again, checking for toncisticity. Next sift 3 cups of baking powder, a pinch of rum, a seaspoon of toda and a cup of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter). Sample some more. Sift 912 pint of lemon juice. Fold in schopped butter and strained chups. Add bablespoon of brown gugar, or whatever color you have. Mix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees and rake until poothtick comes out crean. Quote
Jim Posted December 9, 2003 Posted December 9, 2003 I bet this would cure Sisu's flu symptons, or at least make him forget about 'em. Quote
nonanon Posted December 9, 2003 Posted December 9, 2003 “When I get in there you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane!” -Charlize Theron in Reindeer Games (The better Bad Santa, imo.) Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 10, 2003 Posted December 10, 2003 "Christmas is weird. Not a unique, avant-garde, nonconformist, eccentric, freethinking, unorthodox, quirky, bohemian, revolutionary, perpetually creative kind of weird, but a sort of freakishly hyper-decorated, dementedly elaborate, emotionally incapacitating, disturbingly over-enthusiastic, ominously bloated, annihilate-the-ecosystem-it’s-great-for-the-economy kind of weird. Have an appropriately weird Christmas!" - Bob Mannseichner Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 11, 2003 Posted December 11, 2003 "America is a place where Jewish merchants sell Zen love beads to agnostics for Christmas." - John Burton Brimer Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 "A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two." - W. C. Fields Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 "It’s always seemed to me, after all, that Christmas, with its spirit of giving, offers us all a wonderful opportunity each year to reflect on what we all most sincerely and deeply believe in - I refer, of course, to money." - Tom Lehrer, A Christmas Carol Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 "Oh, I don’t give (Christmas presents) to my friends. I donate to the Lesbian Left-handed Midgets of Colour Political Awareness Fund instead. You’re on your own (with that) overgrown right-handist heterosexist honky. " - Jay Random, Shiny Happy Gulag Quote
Stonehead Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 "If Dan posts another Christmas quote, I'm gonna off myself. I'm at the end of my bottle an' I can't get through the holidays without booze. That and the constant milling around of crazy shoppers with dollar signs in their eyes drives me nutz. Oh, the humanity!" Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 You hurt me stonehead. Where's the love? Tis the season ya know. Actually a friend sends these out every day and I just post them on. I would hope you all enjoy them as much as I do. A little levity for the season. Quote
Stonehead Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 Dan_Harris said: Where's the love? Tis the season ya know. Actually a friend sends these out every day and I just post them on. I would hope you all enjoy them as much as I do. A little levity for the season. "Ah, Mrs. Claus just gave me some lovin'. And Rudolph slipped me some Jägermeister. I'm feelin' better now. Ho! Ho! Ho!" "Carry on." Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 Stonehead said: Dan_Harris said: Where's the love? Tis the season ya know. Actually a friend sends these out every day and I just post them on. I would hope you all enjoy them as much as I do. A little levity for the season. "Ah, Mrs. Claus just gave me some lovin'. And Rudolph slipped me some Jägermeister. I'm feelin' better now. Ho! Ho! Ho!" "Carry on." Whew, all is right with the world again! Quote
Dan_Harris Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 Today's quote is related to the original thread topic. Happy? "The Germans decided that Christmas trees would be a nice touch, regardless of whether this had anything to do with the birth of Christ (how many evergreens do you think are indigenous to Bethlehem?) If I bothered to investigate the exact origin of the Christmas tree, I am sure I would find that it was proposed by a German tree farmer who had a lot of evergreens to shift that year. " - Fat Louis Quote
scrambler Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 Here's a funny story about the degenerate drug and sex addicted lecher. web page "The other elves and I used to speculate about what went wrong with Santa Claus. Jolly Ol' St. Nick must have spent one too many years staring at the blinding snow or living through those long interminable stretches of night and day that you get at the North Pole. Whatever it was that drove him over the edge, nothing could have been so horrible as to prompt the depravity he eventually exhibited." Quote
Dru Posted December 15, 2003 Posted December 15, 2003 Dan_Harris said: (how many evergreens do you think are indigenous to Bethlehem?) Hey, ya ever hear of the "cedars of Lebanon"? Quote
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