Funny Philosophy Joke

[Dwayner]

Here's a real knee-slapper, and it even has some applications to some of the stuff I've read on cc.com lately:

 

A philosopher once had the following dream.

 

First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.

 

Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.

 

Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.

 

After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief.

 

The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That's what you say."

[Thinker]

and an uncomfortable silence fills the room....................

[specialed]

I don't get it.

[freeclimb9]

That certainly qualifies the genre of Philosophy Jokes if it's considered "Funny".

[sk]

 

that was funny

 

this is what a friend of mine's kid used to say " nany nany boo boo stick your head in doo doo"

[Thinker]

I didn't know you considered Trask a 'friend'.

[catbirdseat]

What we often regard as profound in our dreams, appears quite trivial in the light of day.

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Funny philosophy joke is neither!

[catbirdseat]

Excuse the double post, but I was reminded of a story about a poet, I believe it was Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who suffered an illness. In an opium powered delerium an entire epic poem came to his mind. He awoke and scribbled down what he could remember as fast as he could, but was interrupted by an insurance salesman at the door and in the 50 minutes during which he was detained the rest of the poem slipped away. It was called Xanadu.

 

"In Xanadu did Kubla Khan

A stately pleasure dome decree:

Where Alph, the sacred river ran,

Through caverns measureless to man.

Down to a sunless sea..."

[Dru]

...And then the penguin says "no, it's just ice cream!"

[Necronomicon]

H.P. Lovecraft had similar dream cycles that effected his writing. His reocurring dreams were often the basis for many of his stories.

[Dru]

You're right, there are giant penguins in "At the Mountains of Madness"

[ScottP]

Philosophy="Investigation of the nature, causes, or principles of reality, knowledge, or values, based on logical reasoning rather than empirical methods."

 

In other words it's subjective; hence "That's what you say."

 

A rather clever little allegory Dwayner.

 

Perhaps a bit too deep for this crowd, though.

 

[sk]

ScottP said:

Philosophy="Investigation of the nature, causes, or principles of reality, knowledge, or values, based on logical reasoning rather than empirical methods."

 

In other words it's subjective; hence "That's what you say."

 

A rather clever little allegory Dwayner.

 

Perhaps a bit too deep for this crowd, though.

 

In other words "nany nany...." oh nvermind

[ScottP]

Muffy_The_Wanker_Sprayer said:

ScottP said:

Philosophy="Investigation of the nature, causes, or principles of reality, knowledge, or values, based on logical reasoning rather than empirical methods."

 

In other words it's subjective; hence "That's what you say."

 

A rather clever little allegory Dwayner.

 

Perhaps a bit too deep for this crowd, though.

 

In other words "nany nany...." oh nvermind

Yeah, that's kind of the effect I was going for...sort of a reverse snootiness.

[Dwayner]

These have been around for awhile but they are classics. Perhaps they will amuse those who haven't heard them before and don't blame me if you wet your pants from laughter!

 

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "would you like your usual this evening?"

Descartes replies, "I think not," and *poof*... he disappears!

 

Overheard in 18th century England: "Did you hear that George Berkeley died? His girlfriend stopped seeing him."

 

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vender? "Make me one with everything."

 

 

 

[Dru]

The Philosopher's Song

(Monty Python)

 

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume

Schopenhauer and Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya

'Bout the raising of the wrist.

 

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away

Half a crate of whiskey every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,

Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:

"I drink, therefore I am"

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;

A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!

 

 

[Billygoat]

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Dwayner said:

 

 

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vender? "Make me one with everything."

 

 

 

Ah, yes, and let's not forget the epilogue to this little gem, wherein the hot dog vendor agrees to make the monk one with everything, says "that'll be two-fifty," and the monk gives him a twenty. Upon asking for his change, the monk is told "I cannot give you change. Change comes from within!"

 

(continue patellar flagellation, trouseral micturation, etc.)

[cracked]

[catbirdseat]

Necronomicon said:

H.P. Lovecraft had similar dream cycles that effected his writing. His reocurring dreams were often the basis for many of his stories.

Necro, why does it not surprise me that you are an HP Lovecraft fan. To tell you the truth, I went through an HPL phase when I was in junior high school. I read everything he ever wrote. I think that The Shuttered Room and At the Mountains of Madness were his best.

[gregm]

what do you get when you cross an agnostic with a dyslexic with an insomniac?

 

someone who stays up all night questioning the existence of dog.

 

[cracked]

[specialed]

I think the Epicurians had it right. Life is all about cultivating appetites and then fullfilling them. What most people miss is that its not about glutany, because if you overload your appetites they stop being enjoyable. That's why its all about moderation, and / or some sort of self sacrifice. It can all be summed up as: the best tasting is after a day of climbin hard.

[Dru]

"moderation in all things" should apply to moderation itself, you should have a binge every once in a while. like in Canmore with the bros at New Years I drank and smoked way more than is normal for me. It was GOOD!!!