freeclimb9 Posted March 5, 2003 Posted March 5, 2003 Why do brides wear white? To match the stove, refrigerator, dishwasher, washing machine and dryer! A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick Quote
glacierdog Posted March 5, 2003 Posted March 5, 2003 Here's a good one from maxim Two men are playing golf, and one hits his ball into a patch of buttercups. He starts swinging and swinging but can't connect with the ball. All of a sudden there's a puff of smoke and an old woman appears. "I'm Mother Nature," she says. "You just ruined all my buttercups! As punishment, you won't have any butter fr the rest of your life." There's another puff of smoke, and she disappears. The guy's freaked out and goes to find his friend. "Bob! Where are you?" he yells. "I'm over here," his friend calls back. "My ball landed in the pussy willows." "For God's sake, don't swing!" Quote
minx Posted March 5, 2003 Posted March 5, 2003 yikes~! and i was worried this was to unPC for this site Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares- what was she doing out of the kitchen Quote
sk Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 minx said: yikes~! and i was worried this was to unPC for this site Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares- what was she doing out of the kitchen gregw will love that one Quote
chelle Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 Trucker sees a sign while driving down the freeway. "Balogna sandwiches $3; handjobs $1" Pulls in at the station and asks the lady inside, "Are you the one who gives the hadjobs?" "Yep. You want one?" "No thanks. But could you wash your hands before you make me a sandwich?" Quote
freeclimb9 Posted March 6, 2003 Author Posted March 6, 2003 A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a porkchop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our babysitter's boyfriend." Quote
freeclimb9 Posted March 6, 2003 Author Posted March 6, 2003 Never play poker with a woman! No matter how small a pair she has......... It will always beat anything your holding in your hand Quote
freeclimb9 Posted March 6, 2003 Author Posted March 6, 2003 Bob Dole and Bill Clinton will resurrect their 1996 debate rivalry with a series of "Point/Counterpoint" segments to air on the TV program "60 Minutes". The topics covered will be [insert joke here]. Quote
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 A door-to-door salesman climbs the steps to yet another suburban home, and knocks on the door. A minute later, a little boy of perhaps 10 opens the door, smoking a cigar, a glass of Scotch in one hand, an issue of Penthouse in the other. "Young man," says the salesman, " are your mommy and daddy home?" To which the lad responds "what the fuck do you think?" Quote
allthumbs Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 Dr_Flash_Amazing said: A door-to-door salesman climbs the steps to yet another suburban home, and knocks on the door. A minute later, a little boy of perhaps 10 opens the door, smoking a cigar, a glass of Scotch in one hand, an issue of Penthouse in the other. "Young man," says the salesman, " are your mommy and daddy home?" To which the lad responds "what the fuck do you think?" groan Quote
freeclimb9 Posted March 11, 2003 Author Posted March 11, 2003 An old Cherokee Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the U.S. government officials sent to interview him. "Chief," one official began, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and his material wealth. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done..." The Chief nodded that it was so. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied: "When white man found the land, Indians were running it with no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did all the work, medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing, all night making love to the women." The Chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that?" Quote
Attitude Posted March 11, 2003 Posted March 11, 2003 Uhh, dood, the Cherokee are native to the Southeast. No buffalo there. Quote
freeclimb9 Posted March 11, 2003 Author Posted March 11, 2003 Attitude said: Uhh, dood, the Cherokee are native to the Southeast. No buffalo there. And what's the likelihood of a Goverment official asking an Indian chief for advice. But the lifestyle idea . . . Quote
specialed Posted March 11, 2003 Posted March 11, 2003 Attitude said: Uhh, dood, the Cherokee are native to the Southeast. No buffalo there. Bullshit. Before white dudes came here, Tatonka were all over the continent, including southeast. So were the grizzly bears Quote
iain Posted March 11, 2003 Posted March 11, 2003 now they're only available as jerky just outside of Terrebonne, and they're always sold out! Quote
freeclimb9 Posted March 11, 2003 Author Posted March 11, 2003 Check out this buffalo: and that furry thing on the ground in front of him. Quote
minx Posted March 11, 2003 Posted March 11, 2003 freeclimb9 said: Check out this buffalo: [and that furry thing on the ground in front of him. why do these schmucks looks so bloody happy? Quote
vegetablebelay Posted March 11, 2003 Posted March 11, 2003 I think it's asleep and they tipped it... Quote
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted March 11, 2003 Posted March 11, 2003 vegetablebelay said: I think it's asleep and they tipped it... See? THAT'S why people need to drive Ford Exploreditioscursions! Quote
tomcat Posted March 11, 2003 Posted March 11, 2003 Nice kill, those buffalo aren't easy to kill. Kill animals, eat meat, shoot guns. Quote
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