Dechristo

Weathermen and speed-climbers.

This thread has the appropriate element of dubiousness for Syudla and I to do some pidgeon-chested chest-beating: we're in the CAJ news section pg. 109. Probably would've gotten a bigger write-up if we'd poured white gas on and lit our ropes... can't seem to get it right with modern alpinism. Oh, the adrenalin rush of a flacid-wristed chestbeat...

Everybody look out... cbs is gonna bitch-slap Dru's hand with his face.

I guess you haven't seen the video of the guy that climbed the gigantic frozen popsicle naked whilst a drunken, flame-engulfed dwarf hung from his stretched nutsack. I guess there was bound to be a crowd excited by the ballyhoo of "Jackass Goes Climbing".

I'll go along with the "wear a helmet", though, I'm starting to wonder if a helmet has anything to protect for a Minnesota climber.

The Fuqowwee Book of The Lost

My proposed solution is to have people swear upon whatever text they hold closest to their heart. Could be: E. A. Poe Freedom of the Hills Harry Potter Chaucer Locke J.R.R. Tolkien The Encyclopedia of Organic Gardening Hustler ...whatever...

Chaps, you're the kind of sick bastard that yells obscenities in a Tourette's ward, aren't you?

Is she HOT? Oh, she da bom! You tap dat ass... ...and she ahtax yoaz!

...that's Chaps "Fun New Game" since he's been swallowed by The Dark Side

Oh fuck... Now, we're in for another load of "Show and Tell" from Chaps of the toys he and his dickdaddy have taken turns shovin' up each other's asses.

As they pass, I fart loudly and make a big scene about how they're a disgusting, thoughtless, pig.

...and Sherwood Rowland measured the CO2 coming out of it with one of his flaring nostrils.

There's an explanation: ...for event ...for location ...for elitist accomodations.

A MUST for all serious climbers: Snowbird resort in Utah is planning a five-day clinic in August for rookie mountaineers with cash to burn. For a mere $8,400, Snowbird Expeditions will teach rudimentary mountain skills in a luxurious setting (gourmet meals, recovery in Snowbird's Cliff Lodge spas, helicopter approach to basecamp and climbs, etc.) and will feature 1-to-1 guide-student ratios with courses led by some of the most experienced Himalayan mountaineers, including David Breashears, Apa Sherpa, Willie and Damian Benegas, and Amy Bullard. The first camp is Aug. 12-16; see www.snowbirdx.com for more info.

Expeditions to Pakistan this summer can expect difficult and dangerous snow conditions, as the mountains in this area received exceptional snowfall over the winter. Greg Mortenson of the Central Asia Institute reports that at least 800 civilians and army personnel were killed by avalanches in the Karakoram, Hindu Kush and Kashmir mountains. Mortenson added that he saw more snow in Afghanistan than he had witnessed in 29 previous trips to the region since 1993. The Pakistan Meterological Department has issued a warning to mountaineers, especially around K2, Broad Peak, Nanga Parbat, G1 and G2. In other news from Pakistan, the government agreed May 27 to continue its current policy of requiring no peak fee or liaison officer for mountains up to 6,500 meters.

In December 2004 the National Parks Administration (APN) of Argentina approved a US$200 per person climbing fee for Cerro Fitz Roy and its outlying peaks, which include the Cerro Torre group. A strong reaction against this measure from both mountaineers and park rangers has prompted the APN to study the issue further. Now is the time to comment on the proposed fees. Patagonia veterans Rolando Garibotti and Bean Bowers argue that the fee would discriminate against climbers, which represent a tiny fraction of the visitors to this area, and that it would be ineffective in supporting rescues of climbers, which are rare and are usually performed by fellow climbers. To learn more about the issue, and to find the email addresses of key park figures (comments in English are fine), visit Rolo and Bean's "Call to Action" at Alpinist magazine: www.alpinist.com/Call_To_Action.pdf

Interested climbers have until July 15 to send comments to Denali National Park regarding the revised Draft Backcountry Management Plan that will affect the park for the next 20 years. The AAC is analyzing the almost 600-page document, and a preliminary review of the alternatives shows that most, but not all, of the climbing-specific issues have been addressed satisfactorily: * Capacity levels for climbing Mount McKinley/Denali will be set at realistic levels, slightly above current use. * Fixed-anchor use is managed in the way recommended by the AAC. * Human-waste management will be enhanced, which will leave a cleaner mountain. However, the AAC's recommendations for safeguarding natural soundscapes and the sense of relative solitude from future degradation were not incorporated in the plan's "preferred alternative" (Alternative 4). Alternative 4 appears to leave the park vulnerable to rapid growth in scenic flights and other motorized uses of the backcountry. Alternative 3 appears more closely aligned with the AAC's position on climbing-specific issues, as well as protection of the natural environment from human-induced changes. Review the plan at: http://parkplanning.nps.gov/document.cfm?projectId=10016&documentID=11389 Email comments before July 15 to dena_bc_plan_comment@nps.gov or mail them to Superintendent, Denali National Park, P.O. Box 9, Denali Park, AK 99755.

Look how modest minx is trying to be in this photo... ...she's covering her blue boobies, but not her... minx.

In what may be the ultimate "stupid climber trick," Coloradan Rich Purnell led an overhanging mixed route in Vail with his rope on fire because...well, because he could. Purnell posed near the lip of the cave climb Quasimodo with the entire cord below him in flames, making him wish he had worn gloves so he wouldn't char his paws as he clipped the last bolt. (One wonders if his belayer didn't run away to cool off in the snow.) "I did it for the aesthetics and the representation of the two contrasting mediums," Purnell explained in an email. "[in climbing] you have to come up with new ways to bring back excitement, not to mention one's appreciation for the gear." To see the wacky Fire & Ice photos and video clip, visit www.m9ice.com <http://www.m9ice.com > ; Perhaps a new UIAA test in the works?

Longtime AAC member and past Board member Carlos Buhler attempted the unclimbed North Face of 23,500-foot Menlungtse in Tibet this spring and came away with a 31-pitch "near miss." Buhler was making his second attempt on the face, along with Russians Yuri Koshelenko and Nikolay Totmajanin. "We gave a mighty alpine-style attempt between the 14th and 20th of May, but we turned around at about 6,400 meters (21,000 feet) when Yuri became ill," Buhler recalled. This was all the more disappointing because the team had successfully climbed the imposing north wall of the giant peak, and they could have reached the summit and returned with only a couple of days of moderate climbing. But, Buhler reported, "In this world of almosts, near misses and "we were right theres," it is both Yuri's and my view that a "new route" is accomplished only when the summit is truly reached." For more on the climb, see www.mountain.ru/eng/

Opens the way for the condemnation of thousands of acres for the "Super-Slab" highway from Ft. Collins to Pueblo.

All cat toys have backhair.

Fire a synapse foo