jjd

Andrew Fastow is going to do 10 years and Jeff Skilling is going on trial. They are getting their due.

The life force constant is equal to e^golden ratio. As you get older, you approach this constant. The ratio of one activity to another is implict in the golden ratio, as the number of Fibonacci numbers increases, you approach the golden ratio. Now consider the fact that e^(pi*i) + 1=0. You can see that as you get older, balance between these "subconscious drives" as you put them becomes stabilized. This perfect balance is, of course, unattainable in practice because you would have to live forever in order for the golden ratio to be reached. Thus, life is merely an inevitable march toward failure as none of us will ever reach the golden ratio.

The State Department has issued new revised Terrorism Figures for 2003 which indicate that the instances of terrorism had not gone down last year as previously reported by the Administration. Instead of the number of attacks dropping to 190 instances as claimed in the document informally known in the State Department as the Terrorism Index Report (Extended Document) or TIRED, which would be the lowest level in 34 years and indicate a 45% drop since President Bush took office, the number of attacks have instead increased sharply. Secretary of State Colin Powell, in an increasingly rare display of honesty said, "Errors crept in that frankly we did not catch here". Among the errors were that the Administration did not take into account the total terrorist attacks for the entire year. Instead, they only counted attacks made from February 12th, 2003 thru March 3rd, 2003 in Billings, Montana. The TIRED report also apparently counted the entire Middle East, Asia and Europe as one big terrorist attack. The other 189 reported attacks were made by a guy named Festus P. Hymen against a small squirrel that had been raiding his bird feeder. Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “ OK, sure, things are not quite as good as the original TIRED report first made them seem, but actually that makes our case for declaring Marshall Law that much stronger so we’re feeling pretty good about it.” At this point the revised numbers seem to indicate that instead of 190 terrorist attacks, the actual number for 2003 was 5,765,438. http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i4508

Load Rage Posted 9.10.02003 by California Girl I had always vowed never to shit or even fart in front of a guy -- it just wasn't a ladylike thing to do. I hadn't -- until now. And it was in the most embarrassing, most unladylike fashion. In 1998, my boyfriend and I were driving the highway through northern California. We originally came from Santa Barbara, on our way to San Francisco. I remember eating a huge breakfast before we left, but I couldn't shit then, so I decided to hold it until we reached San Francisco. In situations like these before, I have never succumbed to defeat, so I was pretty confident my butthole would be victorious in the battle against the turds knocking on the door, and that I could take care of my business properly like a lady should. During the entire trip I'd felt my stomach turn, and the pain increased as time went on. I just told myself, "You can make it," and thought about other things. It wasn't until we were about one hour away from the outskirts of San Francisco that I realized this could be the one battle I'm defeated in. There must have been tons of waste backed up in my bowels, and it was attacking my asshole with no mercy. I clenched my buttcheeks together with full force and told myself to hold out for an hour until we got to the hotel. Due to my nervousness and the thought of impending doom, I was sweating profusely all over, and the sweat that built up in my asscrack only seemed to act as a lubricant. Defeat seemed inevitable, and the pain in my intestines was unbearable. And my boyfriend was starting to notice. He looked over, concerned, and asked me what was wrong. I was biting my lip and the look of pain across my face was obvious; I couldn't answer. He queried again, and slowly I asked if we could pull over to a nearby restroom. The sign showed the nearest place a restroom would be was about fifteen minutes. I couldn't wait that long, and was terrified by what might happen. I continued to strain, but that did no good. The turd poked its head from out of my rectum. I was wearing navy blue-colored spandex tights with no underwear, so the turd obviously hit the interior surface of my tights. I screamed for my boyfriend to pull over, and, confused, he did. I had no other choice -- I figured shitting on myself in the car would be more humiliating, and would ruin my tights. So I quickly jumped out the car -- and thank God I was wearing tights, because I could pull them down rather quickly. I squatted, right in front of my boyfriend, clenched my buttcheeks with my hands as my asshole opened the diameter of a tennis ball and unleashed my stinky brown load. It was watery and lumpy and the same time. I could hear the shit hitting the ground as I squatted here off the side of the highway. I was completely disgusting. God knows what the people driving by were thinking when they saw some woman shitting her guts out on the side of the highway. And it horrified me to wonder what my boyfriend was thinking. Shit must've poured out of my ass for a good two minutes. My ego and pride were shattered, and with my head down I asked my boyfriend for something to wipe my ass with. He got out of the car with a look of disbelief on his face, and opened the trunk and grabbed some rags for me. Completely defeated, humiliated, and embarrassed, I wiped my asshole thoroughly, wiped the tiny shit-stain on the inside of my tights, and pulled them back up. I looked at my load on the ground and was startled at how huge a dump I took. We both got in the car, and I was too embarrassed to say anything or give an explanation. He looked just as shocked and disgusted as I was. -- California Girl http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/Content/load.html

In an advance that will thrill fans of Star Trek, scientists have for the first time teleported atoms. They say their research will help to develop ultra-fast quantum computers ... http://biz.yahoo.com/ft/040616/1087373056034_1.html

Prove it.

Feudalism in Japan A Mathematician Plays the Stock Market The Fountainhead (still)

If someone gets the data into a "posts per day" format, we can run multiple regressions on Shazam. Hell, we could include dummy variables for weekends and holidays, experiment with various functional forms, and determine which model has the best fit (Shazam allows one to test for model significance, and even calculates the F-statistic for you!) As far as using Matlab, I have the student version which doesn't include the Curve Fitting Toolbox. One could fit least squares polynomials in Matlab by solving A^T*Ax = A^T*b where A is an m x n matrix of m explanatatory variables of degree n , A^T is the transpose of A, b is an n-vector of y values, and x is an m-vector of coefficients (the least squares coefficients). Take it from me though, Shazam is the way to go. http://shazam.ucdavis.edu

No, her fat ass is hiding her other leg. Too many

Fat eating dog

He isn't the greatest.

Shit List (partial): Creamy Thumb shit This shit explodes out of your ass with such a creamy texture , that no matter how carefully you wipe the target area, your thumb gets creamed with it ! Titanium Terd This shit does hurt and will cause a bloody lip from biting it, but the thing that is different with this log is that when you flush it wont fold into itself and flush away. It stays there undamaged like titanium. You flush again but the stubborn bastard won't budge. After swearing up a storm, you pull out your trusty plunger(excalibur) and beat the hell out of it till it looks like coco puffs.Its now safe to proceed and you won't have the care of checking back to see if it left or not. Commando Shit Its the type of shit that is kinda two-toned with a dark green /brown mix. Usually you get this the next day after eating at the Soup Plantation, which features an all you can eat soup and salad buffet.Talk about getting your vitamins and minerals. Whiskey shit Whiskey diet gives no warning. Just a very loud splatter that paints the bowl a brown paisley. Very alarming to visitors in public washrooms. The HYDROGEN BOMB shit You have all had it. You eat a big-ass bowl of ice cream or a whole lot of something that is dairy. A little while later you start having farts that burn and hurt like fucking hell. These are the kind THAT WILL STAY IN THE AIR FOR ABOUT AN HOUR OR MORE without losing there potentcy very much. You start to hear your body growl really fucking loud. LOUDER THAN IT HAS EVER GROWLED BEFORE. Almost as though it is saying "fuck you". You then develop an immense indescribable overwhelming sensation of pain. You are in THE MOST PAIN THAT YOU HAVE EVER BEEN IN DURING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. You rush to the mighty porcelian god and rip your pants off as fast as you can. You push slighty and what do you hear? The sound of YOUR ASS SPEWING SHIT WITH SUCH VELOCITY IT FILLS THE ENTIRE TOILET UP,AND A STENCH EXACTLY AS BAD AS THE FARTS THAT BURNT YOUR ASS EARLIER. THEN YOU HEAR THE TOILET FINALLY DRAINING THE WATER AUTOMATICALLY (AS A TOILET WILL NOT STAY ALL THE WAY FULL). YOU ARE STILL IN THE MOST INDESCRIBABLE PAIN OF YOUR LIFE. YOU WAIT A FEW MINUTES......................................the pain is gone. You get up to wipe your smelly filthy disgusting ass, when all of a sudden SHIT SPEWS OUT OF YOUR FILTHY ASS all against the walls, ceiling the bathtub and the sink, it goes everywhere and smells so terrible. YOU FRANTICALLY TRY AND CLEAN IT UP BUT THE PAIN IS TOO INTENSE YOU RUSH BACK TO THE CRAPPER AND BLOW THE REST OF YOUR LOAD. You pause for a few minutes to catch your breath. You have blown your entire shitload. You really and truly feel many times lighter than you did before. You wipe your ass and frantically try to clean the bathroom. The stench is overwhelming and you are not able to get all the shit out of all the little cracks and crevices of the baseboard and other areas. You later find that your shit has perminantly stained the wallpaper, ceiling and shower curtain. The stench remains in the bathroom for days as you have someone put new wall paper in the bathroom. It takes about a month for the stench to completley clear (it got into all those cracks and crevacises). Whilst telling the wallpaper guy how your "Dr. Pepper fizzed up and exploded thus causing the stain" he turns to you winks and says "sssuuuurre you did" (because he knows it happens to all of us). The 'Why Now?' Shit Long, brown and green, Pleasently plump, smelly. A (un)healthy smell lingers when your date comes to the door. The Cliff-Hanger 2003 You know that small teardrop shaped piece of shit thats left behind clinging to your butthole. It tickles and the feeling of it gives you shivers, so you bounce up and down on the toilet while spreading your buttcheeks to get it to drop. Hairball Shit (Shitball) Attention: The longer you leave this Shit unattended, the larger it grows over time. This one is the accumulation of all your shitting efforts over a reasonable period of time. It collects in your of ass hair and hardens up, forming a knotted 'ball' of shit. You usually become aware of it after scratching an ass itch. Toilet paper won't do the trick. It's time to get the scissors out. Ouch! Mardi Gras Shit This one comes out as a brilliant combination of Green, Yellow, and Purple. The reason why shit. Why is shit tapered on one end? So you asshole doesn't slam shut! Jigsaw Shit The type of shit where you look down before flushing and think "how does it get put back together?" What da fuck is dat? shit The type of shit where you look down before flushing, and think "hmm, I didn't have corn for dinner!" Cherry Bomb Shit The type of shit that looks like cherry bombs. They make a "ploop-ing" sound when they hit the water. They have no smell. Nerds Shit When your shit looks like the candy nerds you buy at the local corner store. Kodak Shit The kind so big you have to snap a shot to show your buddies The Slick Bottom The kind of shit where nothing is coming out for so long you discover your ass is sweating. Prairie dog shit The shit that sticks out of your ass so much the tip is dry when it falls in the toilet. Bobber Shit The type of shit that is so incredibly dense that no matter how many times you flush it will stil stay afloat. The only to get this one down is to use a plunger, and even then it's kinda hard. torture chamber shit The kind of shit that is so painful when it comes out that one would get the impression that s/he were in a torture chamber of some sort. The best way to identify this type of shit is to check whether or not when you get up if you can still walk normally. If it hurts to walk in a typical fashion, then woe is you. You have experienced the torture chamber shit. Have a nice day. Baseball Shit A very rare type of shit, it usually comes from being doubled over for an extended period of time and comes out in almost the exact size and shape as a baseball In the dark shit A shit that hurts so much, that after it comes out you'll go blind a few seconds. Spontanius Combustion Shit After a long nights Curry'ing then home for a sleep only to be woken by an expolosion and bloodcurling yell. Facist Shit The type of shit that's perfecty elliptical and is usually followed by 2 or more perfectly elliptical shits which are followed by 2 more perfectly elliptical shits followed by an akwardly shaped shit that often remains lodged in your butthole. Bulimic shit The type of shit that happens the morning after a long night of vomiting and is often bloody because you've torn your esophagus puking so damn much. jimmy page shit Send this description to a friend! The kind of shit that looks like a guitar The Milli Vanilli Shit The kind of shit that gives the toilet paper grammy back by plugging the toliet. http://www.the-big-shit-list.com/ A poop poem: You'll rejoice at how many kinds of shit there are: gosling shit (which J. Williams said something was as green as), fish shit (the generality), trout shit, rainbow trout shit (for the nice), mullet shit, sand dab shit, casual sloth shit, elephant shit (awesome as process or payload), wildebeest shit, horse shit (a favorite), caterpillar shit (so many dark kinds, neatly pelleted as mint seed), baby rhinoceros shit, splashy jaybird shit, mockingbird shit (dive-bombed with the aim of song), robin shit that oozes white down lawnchairs or down roots under roosts, chicken shit and chicken mite shit, pelican shit, gannet shit (wholesome guano), fly shit (periodic), cockatoo shit, dog shit (past catalog or assimilation), cricket shit, elk (high plains) shit, and tiny scribbled little shrew shit, whale shit (what a sight, deep assumption), mandril shit (blazing blast off), weasel shit (wiles' waste), gazelle shit, magpie shit (total protein), tiger shit (too acid to contemplate), moral eel and manta ray shit, eerie shark shit, earthworm shit (a soilure), crab shit, wolf shit upon the germicidal ice, snake shit, giraffe shit that accelerates, secretary bird shit, turtle shit suspension invites, remora shit slightly in advance of the shark shit, hornet shit (difficult to assess), camel shit that slaps the ghastly dry siliceous, frog shit, beetle shit, bat shit (the marmoreal), contemptible cat shit, penguin shit, hermit crab shit, prairie hen shit, cougar shit, eagle shit (high totem stuff), buffalo shit (hardly less lofty), otter shit, beaver shit (from the animal of alluvial dreams)—a vast ordure is a broken down cloaca—macaw shit, alligator shit (that floats the Nile along), louse shit, macaque, koala, and coati shit, antelope shit, chuck-will's-widow shit, alpaca shit (very high stuff), gooney bird shit, chigger shit, bull shit (the classic), caribou shit, rasbora, python, and razorbill shit, scorpion shit, man shit, laswing fly larva shit, chipmunk shit, other-worldly wallaby shit, gopher shit (or broke), platypus shit, aardvark shit, spider shit, kangaroo and peccary shit, guanaco shit, dolphin shit, aphid shit, baboon shit (that leopards induce), albatross shit, red-headed woodpecker (nine inches long) shit, tern shit, hedgehog shit, panda shit, seahorse shit, and the shit of the wasteful gallinule http://www.poetryconnection.net/poets/A.R._Ammons/8070

noddder!

merv, you are as queer as a three dollar bill

The MSR Prophet is a massive (and heavy) tent. If you like MSR, check out the Fury (which I have and love) or the Phantom. Prophet: Specifications: Capacity: 3 - 4 Persons Floor + Vestibule Area: 54 + 14 ft² / 5 + 1.3 m² Interior Peak Height: 3 ft 6 in / 1.06 m Minimum Weight: 11 lbs 11 oz / 5.3 kg Packaged Weight: 12 lbs / 5.8 kg Packaged Size: 8" x 22" / 20.3cm x 55.9cm Fury: Specifications: Capacity: 2 Persons Floor + Vestibule Area: 36 + 9 ft² / 3.3 + .8 m² Interior Peak Height: 3 ft 9 in / 1.1 m Minimum Weight: 6 lbs 10 oz / 3 kg Packaged Weight: 7 lbs 10 oz / 3.5 kg Packaged Size: 6" x 20" / 15.3cm x 50.8cm

I think the juxtaposition of an old baby photo is kind of funny. And no, I don't like them better when they're four years old

Maybe someone with the Matlab curve fitting tool will be kind enough to import the data and do it.

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

We have some problems here: We need to see standard errors for the coefficients, t-stats, and F-values to test for overall significance. There is also omitted variable bias (there needs to be a dummy variable for weekends and holidays).

If there are no trees and no brush, there won't be forest fires. For this reason, we should clearcut all national forests as soon as possible. We can sell the timber at market rates and replant the forests with better trees. This seems like the best possible solution. I'm not an ecologist, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

God I fucking hate soccer

Bernie Ebbers is going on trial and so is Jeff Skilling. Andy Fastow got 10 years and Jamie Olis got 24 years. I am not saying I agree with the sentence in question, but deflecting the conversation to talk of other peoples' infractions doesn't do any good.