See attachment for full sized chart:
On New Years we determined the best shitty beer. The format was a seeded tournament with 2 brackets, 10 contestants, and all cans were duct-taped to disguise each contestant and ensure scientific rigor. I proclaimed that none involved may ever buy another canned beer again, except for the winner of this competition. However, a few flaws in the process may absolve us all of this responsibility:
1. A few notable contestants were absent (The Beast, Coors, Labatt, are there others?)
2. We mixed styles. Rather than stick to the base model of each manufacturer and/or brand we mixed in light beers and ice beers. Not surprisingly, neither "style" fared well.
3. The seeding system was rigged to favor my favorite, which was robbed anyway (see below).
4. PBR is notoriously difficult to find in Western New York.
Therefore, the 12 pack of contestants traveled for a half-hour in a
warm car and arrived 2 hours before the competition. The rest of
the contestants spent 4 long hours in 20-degree temps on the back
porch. Warm(ish) shitty beer tastes worse than cold shitty beer.
Also, PBR was unfavorably matched up in an early round against an
unknown darkhorse (Old Milwaukee) that the seeding panel had not
tasted in years and consequently underrated.
5. Nothing can cleanse your pallet when drinking liquid aluminum
like Icehouse and Natty Ice. Nothing.
So, keeping all of that in mind. Budweiser was the clear winner,
and I doubt Coors or The Beast would have fared any better than Old
Milwaukee. So next time you find yourself making asinine
proclamations about "the best cheap beer", you have some proof to
back it up.