Dr_Flash_Amazing

You got somethin' against punk rock, fucko? Go sit on a plunger handle and stick your ass to the ceiling 'til you get some blood flowing to your atrophied brain, you fucking humorless flag-waving sheeptool. Your inability to function without relying on swinging from Adamson's nutz labels you indelibly as the ineffectual has-been wanker that you are. In short, fuck off.

Leaving the area quickly is usually the best policy when confronted with potentially life-threatening idiocy.

One lovely Fall day a couple years ago, DFA and a group of PDXers were lounging over near Churning. Looking over toward the Peanut, we see a climber TRing one of the routes, and his belayer about 50 feet downhill from the main trail, slowly walking backwards down the hill to take in slack. Nice innovative belay technique, there, and environmentally responsible to boot! Another season, DFA saw a fellow head up on a free-solo attempt of Zebra Zion. Leaving the jugs atop Gumby/Zebra Direct/etc., he seemed to re-evaluate his choice, and climbed back to the ground. A while later, he was visible again at the crux above his previous high point, this time with a couple pieces of gear in the crack, to which he was attached with long daisy chains. Apparently the not-so-bold soloist hadn't heard about what happens to you and your gear in a completely static fall arrest. Fortunately, he didn't blow the moves, as there were plenty of folks below Mr. Daisies to break his fall.

We've known you were delusional for along time now, DFA. Now we know you Paranoid AND Delusional. Your failure to grasp Dr. Flash Amazing's subtly nuanced worldview does not render that worldview, nor the holder of said worldview, delusional. As for your questionably capitalized accusation of paranoia, history has shown us that only a confirmed adhesive-huffer would attempt to assail the Doctor's sterling character with such ankle-biting japery. Now, your allotment of DFA's attention has been used up. Please scurry back to your malodorous den and resume your stuporous drooling. Good day.

Amazing that you caught the original. It's like you must've known it was gonna get changed or something ...

Whatever. You know you've got the Dr. Flash Amazing Inspirational Hangdogging Calendar prominently displayed on your bedroom door, closet case. Probably salivating uncontrollably in anticipation of your DFA Chain Reaction Beta Map T-shirt, too.

See, people? If our own good Republican the Puge' can see it fit to spend a little time on Team Uncle Sam, so should you! Govy up and get clippin'!

It's not beyond the realm of possibility, no. But who IS this elusive Dr. Flash Amazing? Who, indeed ...

Perhaps if you did your stretching and whatnot while in the heat? Also, the new ish of Outside was mentioning that the hot tub can be soothing, but after more than about 15 minutes, has a more deleterious effect on your body (although this was in the context of post-workout dunks in the hot tub).

Holy shit! Someone tell the dude in the white shirt to take the crash pad outta there! It's s'posed to go on the ground, you big galoot!

1. Just get the membership and show up regularly 2. Meet plenty of cool folks and gain tons of motivated partners in short order 3. Enjoy

Ha! A military budget in the zillions and they expect people to be unpaid volunteers on their local draft board?! Bunch of cynical cocksuckers. Honestly, what the fuck?

Oh, dear God, NO! It's just horrifying! The badgerbadgerbadgerbadgers are hideous, bloodthirsty zombies now! And there's the grinning visage of some lunatic flashing in the background! And the snake? Apparently the snake has eaten the mushroom mushroom and turned a sinister black, as well as gaining the fearsome flashing red eye! Oh, it's just frightful!

They should feel good about doing their duty by providing for the common good. What kind of sicko feels bad about perpetuating the philanthropic tradition?

Canned Cheese Recipe: 1. Get laid off or obtain employment with compensation putting you below the poverty line, perhaps with a great employer such as McDonald's, Wal-Mart, or the like. 2. Head down to your local welfare office, sign up, and wait for your USDA cheese to show up in the mail. It will be in a can, as will your 5 lbs of peanut butter. 3. Steal a can opener (you can barely afford your share of the rent on the studio apartment you share with three other people -- like you can afford a luxury like a can opener?), and crank open that tin of premium cheddy. 4. Enjoy a slice, perhaps garnished with USDA peanut butter and maybe some powdered milk sprinkled on top. Yummers!

On a trip to Maple Canyon a few years back, one of DFA's acquaintances was nearly flattened by a medicine ball-sized cobble. M_____ was climbing a newish route while B____ belayed. M_____ had found a great rest stance on the aforementioned cobble (about 40' up), when it suddenly decided to jump from under his feet, sending him for one of those frightful, totally unexpected plummets, and nearly ending B____'s life. On another trip to Maple, while in the mostly solid and very popular Box Canyon, it began to pour down rain. Everyone took refuge from the downpour under the large overhangs lining much of the canyon, but no one was expecting the resultant loosing of a large number of cobbles from high up the canyon walls. For several minutes, softball-sized cobbles were falling at regular intervals, halting everyone's plans for heading back to camp and calling it a day. Alpine! None of the Doctor's four trips to Maple has been free of rockfall, and a helmet is now standard equipment for belaying on most routes there.

Say what you will about the nanny state and such, but it's hard to argue with state-sponsored climbing. Shit, let the people who want to work go ahead and work. Those who would prefer to climb and live on a relative pittance and eat canned cheese? Let 'em send!

wanna tar and lynch the KKK wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah, yeah, yeah

Well, thanks for trying, anyway. Damn inscrutable stock market!

whoah-yeah, moh-yeah kill all the white man whoah-yeah-whoah-yeah-yeah whoah-yeah, moh-yeah kill all the white mah the white man call himself civilized 'cause he know how to take over the white man come to pillage my village now he tell me I have to bend over whoah-yeah, moh-yeah kill all the white man whoah-yeah-whoah-yeah-yeah whoah-yeah, moh-yeah kill all the white mah No I do not like the white man up in me he rape all my people, as he rape my country everything I love and cherish, he try to take away we will be rid of him, soon come the day whoah-yeah, moh-yeah kill all the white man whoah-yeah-whoah-yeah-yeah whoah-yeah, moh-yeah kill all the white mah [rock] KILL ALL THE WHITE MAN! KILL ALL THE WHITE MAN! KILL ALL THE WHITE MAN! KILL ALL THE WHITE MAN! [etc.]

Madame Opal - Repent, sinner! Turn from your evil ways of sorcery and beg the Lord for forgiveness, lest you spend eternity in the Lake o' Fire with scorpions eating your eyeballs and hideous demons flogging you with cruel implements of Hellish torture! Oh, and should the Doctor consolidate his IRAs, or keep them separate and diversified? Toodles!

Which raises the far more prescient question: what the fuck is a "packer"?

According to NPR's reporting of same on Morning Edition, that growth came along with some 50,000 new jobs (small potatoes compared to the huge number of jobless folks right now, but it's new jobs nonetheless).

Ah, disregard that shit. It's 8a's little points/ranking system. Apparently it's hard to rack up 10k points or something. But the point was the good jobness of the .13a onsight. And they probably meant "10,000-point barrier", but their English is not always of quality best using, comprehend you?