ivan

obama hates the baby jesus?

is this supposed to sound unreasonable to me? can't the health department come inspect a restaraunt at any hour to make certain we're not being served sewer-rats?

w/ mescal shots on the side bitches!

does the ice cliff ever look not good in winter? triple coolers however....

if you're waiting on tyler, you might be waiting a long while - he's an unemployed climbing junkie and might well be on the dark side of the moon right now...

she is! [video:youtube]

Gordian?

kinda like selling a headless parrot to a blind kid?

no, he was certainly abducted by aliens - the corpse found in the vercors was clearly a clumsy copy made by high-powered half-breeds wishing to confound us of thier treachery

it mighta - but then i'm well known for being indestructible - also, while i LOOK like i'm made out of 250 pounds of fat and bubble-gum, i'm actually mostly foam peanuts and rice-cakes and sometimes rise up when i fall down...

it's still there

but would area51 think we'd be so gullible as to guess a climb at, uh, area51?

what kind of heathen doesn't like camelots?!?

wait...oregon has rock?

the cartoon i opened my classes up w/ today: i might note that teenagers aren't quite the socratic masters of debate found in this rarified atmosphere

why can't we do this w/ beer again?

"wise king do not grieve it is always better to avenge dear ones than to indulge in morning - for every one of us, living in this world means waiting for our end. let he who can achieve glory before death when a warrior is gone that will be his best and only bulwark" the author of beowulf, lost to time, might not have had kevin in mind when he wrote the story of a mythical hero-warrior a millenium ago, but the passage applies regardless. doing something grand before you go is the only way to prepare for going in the first place. it sounds like kevin did just that with his family, his friends, and his climbs. to them, to use the poet's glowing hyperbole, "there was no else like him alive - in his day, he was the mightiest man on earth - high-born and powerful." i hope that time erases the pain of his passing and leaves only the pleasant memories of the time you all had in his presence. at such times, personally for me, i find comfort in walt whitman's assertion - "and to die is far different that what anyone ever supposed, and luckier."

i suspect we'd keep bashing bush even if snoop dogg had been elected...

jesus bill! you feel like unloading one of those hammers to the make ivan a rock star fund and in order to open a bit more room for your sledgehammer collection?

Was just curious about this statement as I can't imagine using anything but offset nuts at Beacon. well, maybe i oughta skip sleeping tonight to go cut off a few catalytic converters so i can buy meself some then?

"it's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart"

What offsets have you been using...? Probably the one between reality and imagination. i have no memory of writing any word of this filth above and do disavow all responsibilty for the whole miserable package of slants and malapropisms as for offsets, uh...i have none and have never had any problem w/ the generic vanilla damn things i use at beacon - they were wholly unsuited to the pin-scarred tuff of pigeon-piss land though now what's happened to that damn nap?

Trip: Smiffistani Rawks - Monkey Face NW Passage /Bubbas in Bondage Date: 3/1/2009 Trip Report: my weekend at aid-camp commenced w/ a cool evening's drive down corvallis ways to meet the master of the black magic, the untitled tyler, the venerable even if not very old resident raconteour and general ne'er'do well of oregon choss. tyler was kind enough to drive us in his rocket-sleigh - i chainsmoked and disregarded the manaical images crowding my brains - the lurching and bucking of the pickup as it barreled along the luge-tube of the 20 - my corpse thrown through the window, camel in claw, towards some ignoniomius end, clad in fucking flip-flops in the snow actually i'm feeling a little gray on the whole weekend - maybe i should wait a wee bit longer and see if something more can't emerge from the time-fog - for some reason, it's difficult to think coherently or logically when in tyler's presence - i'm reduced to fascinated contemplation of my cuticles, pounding bass lines to thunderous techno beats out on the dashboard, corn-nuts (salsa flavor!) friday night like a rumor - adult swim - squidbillies - mother of god, they don't let people see these kinds of sick fucking shows when they're on acid, do they? i tried to quell my rising fears with beers so, saturday morning - hungover - befuddled and befrazzled - grey - tobacco reeking - this is pretty much why people go aid climbing, no? no need for any athletic ability what so ever, just a pressing reason to put the pain out for good we met alexbaker in the p-lot - oddly, while both he and tyler had asked me, independently of each other, if i wanted to climb the picnic lunch wall the weekend i'd done the west face w/ tvash and miker, we joined forces only to do something else entirely. tyler wanted me to learn short-fixing before trying to do bubbas/plw right off the bat, so we figured we'd do that sunday if the weather held and instead spend saturday on the nw passage - tylers plan was to minimize the bolt-ladder clipping ghey-ness by having me climb the first pitch of the west face aid route (fine by me, since i'd jugged it the other day, and not led it), then he'd show me short-fixed while going round the corner from my belay and joining up w/ the nw passage. it was like returnign to the scene of a crime this time i got to do the cool ninja shit - tyler made the occasional helpful hint in combination w/ the more occasional ecstatic monkey-fuck cry while reducing the nose of the entire base into something strongly reminiscent of my old art-teachers' paint smock i liked the advice to skip leaving draws behind on any but the last bolt and to just clip directly to the bolt w/ the biner on my daisy - i did discover though, given my amazingly ape-like long arms, that one of my daisies is woefully short and has to have webbing loops added onto it to make this technique work well much discussion was had of billcoe's vaunted 30 minute timelimit on the 1st pitch - i didnt' come too close to it after the first tricky nut, the gear parts of the climb seem real straitforward - i did discover that the offset style nuts, practically useless at beacon, fucking rock for smiths hammered out old pin placements - the only aggravating part of the first pitch was the bit immediately below the anchor, which required me, horror of horrors, to almost free a move! luckily i found a nut placment after too long spent dicking around, and i was able to spare myself the agony of doing somethign truly athletic tyler launched quickly into the nw passage bit - it got cold and breezy, but the black puffy mostly helped i ran out of cigarettes - luckly, this was right about as tyler shortfixed and released us to get our blood back pumping - he continued up alex startign jugging on the haul line and taking pictures and i cleaned. tyler on this nut-munching pitch alex got some video [video:youtube] turn yer speakers off if you don't like shitty renditions of shitty irish folk-fuck-songs [video:youtube] alex beat me into the west face cave by a long shot as i left the belay last and jugged/cleaned while also hauling my pack w/ all our jackets and bullshit (lesson learned - hang the back off the harness not back - i did this here, but not above when following the last pitch and paid the price) [video:youtube] exiting into the cave - pretty fun n' easing w/ jumars, but the last stitch of free climbing tyler did to get there looked much more dramatic we lived up the high life as so rarely can be done in the sound-chamber of the west face cave, then i got louder still in that awesome amphitheater below the mega-rap - the interplay of echo and irate tourists only accentuating the good vibes - back on the ground, it felt like miller time, so off to the terrebonne goddamn depot it was where i made a meal of french fries and pabst - at some point in the evenign i started really drinking and a number of other things happened that resulted in me not remembering much more - my last gasp i recall well enough - page 2893, nearing the conclusion of the ionian mission, after a poetry rap-off by prentitious british fucks threated to get ugly, i decided i'd liked pages 2326-34 so much that i went back and reread them in a spastic stupor - the leopard pursued through suicidial swells and storms - a gun battle in the tempest - the big dutch bitch broaching to, rolling on her beam ends, 600 men dead and drowned in the blink of an eye sunday the forecast was poor, but figured to climb at least some of bubbas - we got a veeeeery late start by any sort of alpine metric, but after the first cup of coffee, i felt as if i might just be able to get a handle on the situation - i'd been downright scared at the mickey-d's in sisters for a second - any moment, for the love of god, i knew, i'd be rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter, perhaps trapped and frozen in amber for these fat-fucks to have for all the hereafter! it was raining at smiff when we arrived - we played on tylers rope left hanging high on the picnic lunch wall while he assembles a team of crack-idiots to Further the Folly - eventually i climb the route and felt it went well - another banner climb for offset nuts - the ramp is a bit awkward in aiders, but certainly the a3 rating it has in the watts book is a joke now - straitforward C1 fo'shizzle - i even got to practice shortfixing from the first anchor to the next - given the conditions and my commitments it was clear before we left the ground we wouldn't be topping out, but upon hitting the belay below the second pitch we kinda regretted not bringing a hammer and nails as there was an impressive line of booty aid-screamers to be had so, a Long Strange Trip for sure - met a lot of new fools and generally took a vacation from myself - i'm left w/ a strong desire to return to smiffistan to sample more of its elegant aidtacular treats before too long - now, after a 1 a.m. return to the 'couve, i'm off for familial hijinx and hopefully a nap Approach Notes: jetpack optional

couple draws/aid screamers high on p2 (sorry for the litter - my wife had a hell of a time making a couple of the traverse moves on the fixed ladder) hope next party up can grab them & put them to use. they're still there - tyler and i were remarking on them after climbing the first pitch of bubba's in the rain