Heinouscling

quote: Originally posted by allison: Hm, guess Heinous put us girls in our place huh? OK Allison, maybe I was a bit abbrassive. Thats part of the fun of this site. But you women know the facts of the matter, even if a lot of men won't admit it. Men are pigs who just want to get laid. See, my previous post was all about being a pig and this one is all about getting laid. I'm being nice to you now in hopes of one day meeting you and possibly getting laid. Thats how the game is played. -Heinous

I've noticed that it seems to be primarily the few women that are not happy with the spray. Holy shit! Am I ever glad I'm not married! You can't escape their bitching and whining even when reading a site primarily visited by foul mouthed, smelly, climber dudes. You women need to pull your heads out. I don't care what any lying, conniving dude (who just wants to get laid) tells you. Climbing is a sport primarily engaged in by men, OK! When men are together, whether it be on a climbing trip, in the military, a bunch of miners, loggers, or whatever, men are foul mouthed, trash talking pigs who like to talk about women, fucking, shit stories, farting, etc. Any dude that says he doesn't is either a wimp or a goddamn lying bastard who is just trying to get laid. If you women don't like it, then get more women to post on this site and maybe you will have the clout to change the culture of this site a bit. Until then ... SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KISS MY Yea, I know I'll get plenty of flack for this but I say to those dudes who would shit on me "Shut the fuck up, go home, and continuing kissing the ass of your wife or girlfriend, so you can get laid one more time". And one more thing. I don't want to hear any crap about me being bitter towards women. I love women and I want to get laid just as much as the lying, ass kissing bastards who put on their fake faces. But getting laid is not so important that I will not speak my true mind regardless of how pretty her face is or how big her tits are or whatever other lusty attributes she may possess. So with that ... I say CLIMB HARD AND MAY YOU GET LAID ONE MORE TIME!!!!! -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by Dru: I think you mean luscious - lushes are Pope and dwayner. And I dont wanna "see" no man even if he is a tease! Dru, we all know how you like to bury your face in a hairy chest.

quote: Originally posted by pope: Hey, how much muscle do you like on a woman? I was implying quality, not quantity. -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by Dru: that's what gyms are for. what? people actually go to gyms to climb? Gyms will work to. Now theres a fucking scene. I haven't been to VW in Seattle in three years. But lately, I've been hearing some real soap opera tales about that place. The place I go to, ClubSport, near Portland, has no scene. Unfortunatly, not many climbing women either. Its not even a real climbing gym. Why the fuck do I go there!? -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by daisy: let's say i go to do some bouldering at the "Talus pile" boulders (oops I shouldnt have mentioned a secret area??) and no one else is there, that's 100% female climbing presence... I think that would win your contest! but if you showed up it would drop to 50%, so... it's only a good spot to visit if you aren't there! I did not ask which climbing area has the greatest "percentage" of females at any given time, I asked which has the most. In other words, I'm interested in climbing areas that are likely to be dense with climbing babage at any given time, so that a good looking, ripped, climbing fool such as myself can meet one, and with any luck get laid and meet a climbing partner at the same time. OK, don't start hammering on me here. I'm being silly about the good looking, ripped part (I'm anything but vain) but be honest folks, how many of you go to a climbing area like Smith as much for meeting someone of the opposite sex as for the climbing? I mean, come on, you have some of the fittest human specimans on the planet climbing around in the hot sun all sweaty and glistening. Often almost naked. I bet even the attached climbers catch themselves lustily staring and would succumb to the urge if given the opportunity. -Heinous

OK Dudes and dudettes, lets take a bit of a poll here. Which climbing area do you reckon contains the most female climbers at any given time? I'm thinking Skaha, but Smith is up there also, based on where I've been, of coarse. Smith may have the most totally ripped, hardcore, female climbers. The type that make you drool when you see their muscles ripple under those little sport bras. Oh yea!!! -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by daler: Heinous, guiness is in fact in. My buds climbed it several days prior to your report date and said it was in fine shape. the first pitch is almost always thin.are you sure you were in the correct gully. dale Hey Dale, We scoped it from the Trans Canada and talked to a couple of other climbers. I'm sure it was doable but we were looking for fat ice, since we were in The Canadian Rockies after all. We can't be for certain we were looking at Guiness since neither of us has done it yet. I did stand at the base of it about 3 years ago but was not able to do it due to too many parties on it. I remember the first pitch being fat. The other climbers that did it around two weeks prior stated that stubbies were necessary for the first pitch. That was before a Chinook had rolled through. Maybe the Chinook made it even thinner. By the way, do you know who I am? Greg. I live here in Portland now. Lisa and I ran into you and Stimpy at Lake Louise about 3 years ago. It was bad timing since Lisa and I were in the middle of a scrap. We had drank a brew with you and Stimpy at The Rose And Crown. So, hows life Dale? Climbing hard I see. Thats good. You and I both. Still going to Smith? If so, I'm sure I will see you there since its sort of become a hangout for me now. Climb on Dale. -Heinous

Hey Dudes! I'm back from a great trip to Banff.Well, needless to say, I'm a little worn out and spacey in the head right now but I will try to jot down a few words about my trip. So, immediately after I posted the "Hey FUCKERS, I'm off to Banff!!" post a week ago, I took off from my cube, jumped into my truck, and picked up my climbing shit at my apartment. Drove from Portland to Seattle where I met my partner. We went out and ate a HUUUGE teriyaki dinner. I then tried to grab a few hours sleep on the floor of his apartment but I felt like I had a bowling ball sitting in my stomach. Didn't sleep too well. We got up at 4 AM Saturday morning and made it to Banff in twelve hours through a nasty snow storm. Snow in Banff, not good for us. Avy danger. Oh well, take the cards that are handed to you and make the best of it. Arrived at the Banff Hostel and checked in. Found out our room is not much bigger than a walkin closet. Shit! Oh well, take the cards that are handed to you. Thirty bucks Canadian a night in Banff. What does one expect? Got up at 6 AM Sunday morning. Decided to warm up and get our system dialed in at Johnston canyon. -20 F outside. Friggin cold outside! Climbed til Noon at Johnston despite the cold. Decided to take the rest of the day off since we had seven more days of climbing ahead and needed to pace ourselves. Went back to Banff and grabbed a brew at The Rose And Crown. Watched the Canadians celebrate winning the gold in Men's Hockey. A sizable mob formed up in the middle of the main intersection in downtown Banff. A brave soul was running circles in the intersection NAKED with The Maple Leaf draped over his crotch like a loin cloth. Very brave since it was -10 F outside. The Maple Leaf probably wasn't needed since his pecker was probably the size of a thimble in those temps. Partner and I were hoping a woman would do the same. No luck. Mounties then showed up. Hauled away a few and got some snowballs thrown at them. They were not happy. Monday morning. Partner and I up at 5 AM. Headed to Lake Louise. Got to Lake Louise Falls and stared up at the crux second pitch which involved pulling around a roof. This is going to be fun. Partner led the first pitch. I did the second. Pulling the roof wasn't bad. Lots of hooks. Great fun! Grabbed a Mocha at the chateau. Then headed back to Banff and soaked in the hot springs and then drank some beer afterwards. Life was good. Tuesday morning. Up at 4:30 AM. Time for Weeping Wall. Got to the wall at 7 AM. Decided to do the left side. Several parties then showed up shortly afterwards. Uh oh, here we go. Can you say "Zoo"? A pair from Colorado decides to lead a line near us to our left. My partner leads the first pitch. I lead the second. While doing the second, my partner yells up "Theres some guy leading up right below you". I yell back "Well, he shouldn't be there.". Fucking moron (the guy below me, that is). I get to a nice belay ledge and bring my partner up. The pair to our left sets up a belay also. Partner takes off on the third pitch. Dude from the pair on the left takes off. A few minutes later I hear the dude yell very loudly "IIIICE" repeatedly. Look up. See an ice chunk about the size of a 27" television headed straight for me. I quickly become one with the wall. The chunk falls behind me and also narrowly misses the dude's wife on my left who is belaying him. Fucking asshole almost took me out when he traversed directly over me. God Damn Bastards! Partner and I decide we must be more stern with fuckers who arrive after us and want to climb near us. Proceed to rap Snivelling gully. A pair from England is climbing it. Fucking Brits all over the place. We make the first rap and find out we are susceptible to ice fall from the Brit pair climbing the gully. Fortunately the second of the pair is topping out on the last pitch. We hide from his ice. The dude looks to be somewhat fat and is knocking down a ton of ice on what looks to be an easy grade three follow. Asshole! Partner and I complete the rap. Time for hotsprings and beer. Wednesday morning. Old bones say its time for a day off. I'm 35 and my partner is 40. We partied like sailors the night before. Damn, am I getting old? Thursday morning. We're up at 5 AM. Drive to Field. Hike the wrong approach for Guiness Gully. Run back to the truck. Discover Guiness gully is looking very thin. First pitch is not in. Seems to be the case for many of the climbs around Banff. First two pitches of Professors is not in either. Its a thin ice year. Drive up the Icefields Parkway to Num-Te-Ja Lodge to do Bow Falls. Hike to base of Bow Falls. One and a half hour hike. Next year we will have skis. Examine the huge cornice overhanging the approach and part of the first pitch of Bow Falls. Not today. Get back to the truck and decide to do some ice cragging at Haffner. Climb til dark at Haffner. Decide to hit the climber's party going on in Canmore to celebrate the release of Jo Jo's new Canadian Rockies ice climbing guide, which we've been using the last few days. Discover a raging party going on. A couple of hundred ice climbers present and probably some of Canada's best. I especially appreciate the climbing gals getting down to their little sports bras on the dance floor. Damn those chicks are ripped. Friday morning. Discover my left knee is tweaked from the night before. Oh well. Grit my teeth and keep on climbing. Decide to check out Grovelling Gully by Canmore. Discover a guided group has dominated the place. Gee, what a surprise. They have TRs all over the place and are hacking the shit out of the few climbs available. Fucking dicks! Destroying precious ice so they can make a buck. We sneak the gully climb in while they are on their lunch break. We have no chance to do "His" and "Hers". Bastards have their beginner climbers lined up to TR them. Fucking prick guides. Many are uncool and I despise them. Some guides are cool but the pricks give them a bad rap. Too bad for the cool guides. Partner and I head to "Evans" whatchamakcallit canyon in Kananaskis country to check out Moonlight and the other climbs. We do the hour long hike. Damn, its not in. Frickin thin ice year. Time for beer in Banff. Saturday morning. Up at 6 AM. Decide to do the Golden climbs. Its our last day so we need to go somewhere reliable. We get to the base of Pretty Nuts and find a gaggle of Brit climbers administering first aid on some poor bastard who somehow gashed his head open. We attempt to ascertain what happened. All we can get out of the group is that the fella hit his head against the adze of one of his tools when he slipped during the approach. Pretty Nuts involves about a twenty yard approach from the highway. Partner and I offer assistance but there was already too many cooks in the kitchen. Ambulance shows up and hauls the poor fella away. His buddies leave also. Well, we feel sorry for the poor fella but we had Pretty Nuts to ourselves. Cool! Time to climb. We do the hardest line up the right side which involved some fun grade 4. Its a long pitch and we have to simulclimb a bit in order for me to get to the tree belay at the top. My partner then leads the short, but fun, grade 4 lead at the top. We rap and then hike to Essondale Left. Damn! Two climbers are on it. They are topping out so we wait for them to rap. Dudes are slower then old people fucking. They take over an hour to rap a two pitch climb. They finally get their slow asses off. Partner and I are climbing good and we're up and off in a little over two hours. Easy climbing but fun. Time for beer. As we are driving away, we see that Essondale Right is looking very good. Damn, we should have done it. Sunday morning. Up at 7 AM. Time for a long drive home. Luckily for my partner, the noxious beer farts I was spewing lasted for only a short time. I didn't want to piss off my partner because his asshole can almost be considered a lethal weapon and he has a long memory. We leave Banff at around 8:30 and arrive back in Seattle around 7 PM which involved a stop for pizza in North Bend. A good trip to Banff even though its a rather shitty year and the avy danger was high. With any luck, in ten months my partner and I will be back. For any of you going soon, climbers told us Murchison and Gibraltar are in good condition. -Heinous [ 03-04-2002: Message edited by: Heinouscling ] [ 03-04-2002: Message edited by: Heinouscling ]

Hey all you FUCKERS!!! I'm headed to Banff for a week! Seee yaaa!!!!!

quote: Originally posted by Dwayner: That bobsled/skeleton/luge stuff is cool, but nonetheless, Lance Armstrong makes all of those guys, and most climbers, look like a bunch of weenies! Speak for yourself you little weenie boy. -Heinous

The male figure skaters are the most macho of the athletes. People think they are soft, little gay boys but in reality, they are beer drinking, bar brawling, roughians that can head butt with the best of them. -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by mikeadam: I find that placing my dirty underwear at the top of my baggage expedites the search procedure quite nicely. Works even better if you squeeze a load into it first. -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by dkemp: I did make such an arrangement. We negotiated my salary down and my time off up. I get 9 weeks a year, but dont get paid what my collegues do. Thats okay, I need the 9 weeks. I think if each of us brings it up at the job interview we can make it happen. We gotta break out of this workin' 50 weeks a year crap. Ridiculous. I tried this during a couple of interviews and I always got the "Corporate Policy" spiel. You know, "time off" is not negotiable because the amount per employee is determined by corporate policy, which is written on stone. Guess I will have to increase my hiring worth somehow. -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by Dru: Get a job robbing banks. Work= 15 minutes. Time off = 6 months or more with a good score. (Average heist = $10,000). Statistically most BR's are not caught until their 10th heist. So you should be able to knock off 7 or 8 with no problem. Occupationally the biggest problem is the dye packs. So always put the money they give you in a plastic bag and soak it in bleach afterwards to get the dye out. Oh, like the movie "Point Break" except the bank robbers are climbers instead of surfers? -Heinous

OK, call me a knucklehead if you must, but this story was just too funny not to be told. Last Friday afternoon I took off from Portland for another weekend of anticipated ice climbing in Lillooet. My partner and I went through the usual routine we've been doing all Winter. I met him in Seattle, at which time he took over the driving and we continued on to Lillooet. We arrived at the Mile-O around 12:30 AM after over five hours of driving from Seattle, and 8 hours for me, coming from Portland. We were quite tired after having endured the nasty three day weekend traffic. The only thing that made it bearably was the thought of being on ice the next morning, for which we talked about constantly during the drive up. CLIMB IIIIICE!!!!!So we get into our motel room and immediately start preparing to retire for a few hours sleep. I start digging through my big duffle bag that I always throw my gear into, looking for my alarm clock. I pull out one of my boots and place it on the floor. I continue to dig around in my duffle. A few seconds later I notice something. Its just that strange feeling one gets that something just is not right. I vaguely remember getting that feeling as I was leaving my apartment in Portland but at the time I hadn't the faintest idea why. I realize that the bag is unusually light. Scarpa Invernos are not the lightest of boots. I look down at the floor and see the one boot. I look in my bag. No boot. I look again, this time emptying it. No boot! Ah ha, my partner is fucking with me. "Dude, quite fucking with me.""Huh?""Dude, wheres my boot?""I have no fucking idea what the hell you are talking about dude.""Dude, you didn't hide my boot?""Dude! Fuck no!""DUUDE, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BOOT!!!" I then start searching frantically for my boot. Sort of like Caveman, when he misplaces his beer. No dice! I ONLY HAVE ONE FUCKING BOOT!!!! I search the truck. No boot. I search the entire apartment. No boot. Under the beds. No boot. Under the bathroom sink. NO BOOT!!! Fortunately for me, my partner, who has been getting in a buttload of ice this Winter, and who had himself almost forgotten his boots on a previous trip, was graciously understanding. Also, the fact that we are headed to the Canadian Rockies next week for nine days of ice climbing heaven, helped to alleviate the pain. So, to make a long story short, after a night of sporadic sleep, due to waking up hoping it was all a nightmare, we awoke the next morning wondering how to salvage even just a little bit of the trip. We came upon a couple of ideas, both of them wishful thinking. The first was that maybe I could wear one of my partners Inverno's since he happened to bring both his leathers and his plastics. Unfortunately, there was no way I was going to get my size 13 foot into his size 10 Inverno, unless I wore the boot without a liner. Not the most comfortable boot setup for ice climbing. Besides, even though we desparately wanted to save the weekend, I had to keep in mind that I needed my foot for the upcoming Rockies trip. The next idea was to strap on one of my partner's spare Grivel Rambo Comp crampons onto my ratty old walking shoe (which, by the way, possessed some holes big enough to stick a finger through). Nope! No dice! The crampon would undoubtedly fall off and I still needed my foot for the Rockies trip. So anyhow, we spent the rest of Saturday in Vancouver searching for a pair of leather boots that I'd been contemplating buying for the last two years. Unfortunately, size 13 ice climbing boots are not the easiest to find. We drove back home, laughing about it the whole time and talking about CLIMBING IIIIICE!! in the Canadian Rockies. Needless to say, I payed for the gas and motel and bought my partner a steak dinner and promised repeatedly it would never happen again. Hey, what can I say, I've never even forgotten a small item during my seven years of climbing. Hmm, am I getting senile? After arriving back home, I was able to piece together the events that caused this horrendous event to occur. I will save you the details but this may help some of you to not repeat this same stupid mistake. I had packed Thursday evening after a full on session of gym climbing. Its not good to pack when you are tired and spaced out. My gear room has a closet where my boots are located. I have a packing box sitting on the floor at the entrance to the closet. I had placed the boots on the box while packing. I had grabbed one boot and threw it into my duffle. While grabbing that one boot, I had knocked the other boot, out of sight, behind the box. After placing the one boot in the bag, I looked back for the other boot on the box. No boot. This is when the brain fart occured. I mistakenly concluded the other boot must also already be in the bag, when in fact, I had knocked it off the box, for which it was now behind. I zipped up the duffle and left without the boot. Even though this event was non life threatening, I heavily contemplate it. If I can brain fart while packing, then it can occur while climbing. I've never had an incident occur while climbing and I wish to keep it that way. I believe this event has been an awakening of sorts for me. After having conducted the act of packing, hundreds of times, for climbing trips and never forgetting anything, I was lulled into thinking it would never happen. Therefore, I did not bother to double check the contents of my duffle and pack. I must be sure I never enter into a similar false sense of security while climbing, due to never having had an incident. So, please tell me I'm not he only one to have pulled such a horrendous goof. After contemplation, I cannot imagine a worst piece of gear to forget, for an ice cragging trip, than one ice climbing boot. Am I correct? I'm interested to hear stories from all of my CC.com friends. -Heinous

This thread is for you SPRAAAAAGUE!!!!!!

quote: Originally posted by Cpt.Caveman: Fred would be glad to see your rack. I dont like flat chests personally Brutal

One word is sufficient to describe the cause for most of the world's ills ... "Overpopulation". -Heinous

This thread has been done already. Come on Trask. Be creative. -Heinous

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Well, you have the obvious characteristics thathelp a climber to climb 5.12 such as a highstrength to weight ratio. I've never seen a bodybuilder climb 5.12. Thats not to say that they are not out there. Figuring that you have good forearm strength and endurance and your overall level of fitness is up to the task, the next area to look at is technique. Also, the 5.12 climb itself must be examined. Is it a slab, an overhang with big holds, a near vertical with crimpers? Regardless, technique will be critical. Since I myself am hoping to climb 5.12 one day, I have been taking the time to study the technique of climbers running up and down 5.12+ routes. Since I live in Portland, I spend much time at Smith, which gives me ample opportunity to watch hard sport climbers. I've noticed some common technique characteristics amongst most of these climbers. One: No wasted energy. They climb very efficiently. Each foot and hand is placed precisely the first time. Once placed, it stays there and does not move. Two: They usually climb very steadily and fluid, except when climbing through a crux. In which case, they may speed it up a bit. Even through the crux, they maintain efficiency and good style. No freaking out or flailing. Three: When they have reached a decent rest hold, if one avails itself, they use it to its maximum potential. They stop and shake out and take the time to regain any lost composure. They also take the time to examine the climbing above to see what lies ahead and figure out the next required moves. They also look for upcoming cruxes where they might have to speed it up a bit to get through them. Four: They are always reading the climb a few moves beyond where they currently are on the climb. They do this at rest holds and also while climbing upwards. Five: Hips in and arms straight whenever possible. Drop knees and stems always used and never missed. Six: They breath hard and deeply while climbing in order to fuel their body with maximum oxygen. Muscle tissue recovers faster when more oxygen is taken in. They never forget to breath. Lastly: A good session with the significant other the morning or night before. -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by dyno merchant: it's like a "colored" fellow placing his large "package" into a skinny little "cracker" type girls "slit". there just ain't alot o' room in there so once it's in it just stays there. Have you ever heard of humans running into this problem? What about the natural lube? Ain't it supposed to help out? -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by Dru: see you in Lillooet MF's!! 4:20 out of here. Uh...You're not working tomorrow Dru? What the fuck? -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by dyno merchant: the watermelon is to be shoved up the ass after the prick jam as to distract the penis so that it will release (kind of like hosing down dogs if they get stuck together while screwing so they release). it's easier to drag a watermelon up a climb than a fire hose. I'm curios as to why dogs get stuck screwing. Can anybody enlighten me please? (Yes, its a little off topic). -Heinous