Necro-
You baboon-raping Bashi-bazouk, while it is apparent that English is not your first language, it is less apparent that you actually have a first language (grunts and farts don't qualify). I concur that you would "probably make a fool out of yourself if you spoke; and ergo, the practice is best avoided. You should also desist from typing, as that produces the same result. Now, to the matter of your sexual repulsiveness: what you need is a woman with communication and intellectual abilities equal to your own - one who speaks in tongues and has a habit of zapping her frontal lobe with 500 volts of electricity. Eugene is the best place to find such a woman. Failing that, I suggest you invest a Welfare check in an inflatable girlfriend. They can be quite realistic - especially if you line the vagina with slices of warm pork and glue hair clippings around the opening. Either option is preferable to your current practice of dressing your Action Man toy in little bikini thongs, while contemplating the nature of involuntary solitude.
- Trask