Dwayner

WARNING TO TRADSTERS: This climbxmedia site will indeed MAKE YOU SICK!!!. It's a bizarre celebration of all that is against the very fiber of our being: the glorification of sport climbing, "comps" and bouldering. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. For a taste of the truly bizarre, including a very unfortunate haircut, check out "Bone Collector" which is article 21 in the multimedia articles. Oy! And I thought I was wasting my life in academia! To put a positive spin on the topic, this whole web-site makes my trivial pursuits look truly earth-shattering so I am thankful for that. Article 6 in the same section describes how "On June 13 the world was rocked by news of chipping in Fontainebleau". Twenty years from now, we'll all remember where we were when we heard the "rockin" news. e.g. "Dude...I was at the gym workin' a sit start when all of a sudden they turned off the grunge tunes and made an announcement. My mouth just dropped. Everyone starting talking at once. How could this be? How will we live? Even though many of us were strangers, we gave the person next to us a comforting hug, held hands in a circle and sang "Let it Be". If it could happen in the Font., it could happen right here. What's this world coming to? Must of been them al-Queedas gettin' ready." But for those of you into that spend-all-month-rehearsing a 60ft. overhanging face hang-dog-fest stuff, or can spend a weekend "workin'" a boulder problem....than this is your DREAM COME TRUE!!!! More power to you...meanwhile, I feel my breakfast coming up again for another visit.

Say what you will, but the fact remains....Lance Armstrong makes the vast majority of climbers, including ice climbers, look like a bunch of WEENIES!!!

So what's the story with last Tuesday's Pub Club? Some of still be waiting for the truth...or can't we handle the truth....? 'fess up. Did anyone show up or was it a fizzle? No one's talkin'...hhhmmmmmmm....

What Prof. Puget says above (minus his erroneous bolt comment)is true. The years I have spent studying Egyptian hieroglyphs, "poking around in holes" [spare me the predictable "witticisms"], and other seemingly worthless pursuits were not in vain, even though basically I'm an overeducated ditch-digger. But I'll give you, my climbing buddies, a secret shortcut: Buy my book on ancient Egypt, learn a few facts for credibility purposes, take your date to a Museum and then PRETEND YOU CAN READ HIEROGLYPHS. Who the heck gonna know? She gonna think you're all edumacated and exotic and such and then it's up to you! Agatha Christie, who was married to an archaeologist, is alleged to have said something to the effect of: "It's good to marry an archaeologist. The older you get, the more interested in you he becomes." - Dwayner

Sorry, dudes. But I ain't buying most of the rant. Sell your dang gas-guzzling vehicles and set the example if you want to bitch so loudly. I'm not yet willing to do that but would if there were some reasonable alternatives. Although I started with low expectations, Bush has actually surprised me. If you heard his recent comments on energy policy, he advocated fuel cell technology as the eventual replacement for fossil-fuels. No doubt, he's got his oil-buddies inspired to make the transition but that's going to take a while. (And that is the key: getting the oil and auto companies to switch gears so they can still make money.) In the meantime, the gas has gotta come from somewhere, and as Alpine K noted, drilling ain't as destructive as it used to be. So keep on promoting alternative energy...it is the future...and even Bush knows that. And for those of you who just want to pee on Bush, because he is Bush...try injecting a little objectivity into your life. On the other hand, for many people, it's not a president we elect every four years, but a national scapegoat!

So I throws out some bait...hoping to get the real scoop...and nobody bit...so I guess it wasn't a giant happenin' that we all felt bad missing?....OR WAS IT????

So did you pay attention? Did any of our suggestions work? Keep tryin'! Even though pope and I are already hooked up [and not to each other, smartasses], we continue to receive unsolicited phone numbers, motel room keys, cookies, gifts and assorted "scented" clothing items on a daily basis. The wives have gotten used to this although they don't particularly like it and we pay extra for a special recycle bin to hold all of these crazy items. We donate the numerous teddy bears and other stuffed animals to charity. [and no, we don't give the used "teddy's" of the other kind to the spousal units.] Change your pedestrian vulgar ways, average climber, and you, too, can dazzle the ladies without going down in flames trying to explain the global importance of sit-starts or "freshies".

Pretty quiet pub-night for ya,eh? Where were you guys? And Icegirl..what happened? Allison...Jules....Dynamite....Lisa....etc...I don't get it. You missed out on some big stuff! Some of you may not know this but I'm a band leader and my group was at the Club last night. Not only can I drink a whole lot, but I play 23 different instruments, too, and I don't even know how to read music. Self-taught, you know. Couldn't tell it, though, to hear me play. When I play and sway in rhythm to the catchy little tunes that I know, girls for five miles around get hot pants for me. HOTCHA! Last night was pretty good for a Tuesday. We got ten requests for, we got Bill Bailey, and we played them all and seven people came up for the twist contest. I gave away a box with two small bottles of champagne imported from Europe (heh) and kissed the girl who won and shook hands with the guy she was with. He didn't mind when I kissed her because I'm important. When we go... into a fast number, the people love it! Wait... till... we... get to Las Vegas!(And many thanks to F.Z. and C.B.).

We's gonna try that one on YOU, Miss Allison!

Isn't it supposed to be in Tacoma this week?

It's Valentine's Day sometime this week, and I know that many or most of the climbing dudes who post on this site are somewhat, if not completely ,inept when it comes to meeting the ladies. Me and m'buddy pope have never had such problems, so in the interest of helping you meet a delightful missy for this year's V.D., I'm generously providing a few of our best and until now, secret, "pick-up lines". BAD CLIMBER PICK-UP LINE: "Are you from Tennessee? I hear there is some great bouldering going on out there.DWAYNER N'POPE'S EFFECTIVE VERSIOn: "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only "10" I see! BAD CLIMBER PICK-UP LINE: It seems that I'm in a fairy tale. [Girl: "Why?"] Because the beers here are really cheap tonight and I thought that cheap beer night was gonna be tomorrow!"DWAYNER N'POPE's EFFECTIVE VERSION: It seems that I'm in a fairy tale. [Girl: "Why?"] Because I see a beautiful princess in front of me! BAD CLIMBER PICK-UP LINE: Pardon me, Miss, but I seem to have lost my phone number. Could you help me dig through my haul-bag out in the back of my dirty truck in the parking lot. Maybe it's there!DWAYNER N'POPE's EFFECTIVE VERSION: Pardon me, Miss, but I seem to have lost my phone number. Could I borrow yours? BAD CLIMBER PICK-UP LINE: Are you religious? Because I was wondering if you'd know if the REI was open on Sunday.DWAYNER N'POPE's EFFECTIVE VERSION: Are you religious? Because I'm the answer to all of your prayers! BAD CLIMBER PICK-UP LINE: The lenses of my glacier glasses are turning dark. Could you stand in front of the window and block some of the glare?DWAYNER N'POPE's EFFECTIVE VERSION: My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love. BAD CLIMBER PICK-UP LINE: I know a great way to burn off the calories from that fat-filled pastry you just ate: we can go to Exit 38 and I'll show you how to belay a sport-climb.DWAYNER N'POPE's EFFECTIVE VERSION: I know a great way to get a little exercise! What do you say we get away from all of these nerdy climbers and take a walk on the beach. BAD CLIMBER PICK-UP LINE: Do you have a boyfriend? [Girl: "Yes"] Well, can he climb 5.10c offwidth?DWAYNER N'POPE's EFFECTIVE VERSION: Do you have a boyfriend? [Girl: "Yes"] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me. OUR LABORATORY HAS DEMONSTRATED THAT THESE LINES DO NOT WORK:"Hey baby, whatdaya say we duck behind that rock and get a little boulder/bolder....Get it?""Hey there! You have a bad odor! Let's take a shower!""Let's go back to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.""Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scoth and sofa?""I gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like Gatorade!""If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.""If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together." Good luck, and you can thank us later. [ 02-12-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Brother Dave! Being the sensitive, feminist sympathizer is a great approach and often very effective...for about a week, until you get dropped for not being a smart-ass tough-guy! Cheers, mate! and good luck!

War sucks...people get killed...it's all a tragedy, but consider this...this has been one conflict where a great, conscious effort has been made to avoid civilian casualties and we do feel sorry for them and apologize when accidents happen. If this had happened 20 or 30 years ago, the unintentional death toll would have been exceedingly greater but our technology has allowed us to be more precise whom we target. Mistakes can and have been made but I think we're doing what has to be done and ultimately the world will be a better and safer place.

Here ya go, Rodeo! This should save you a few dollars! Club Pub Alternative

I know a guy who crapped on his own sleeping bag, eh pope?

What happened to "Smokey Joe's" on the East Side? Here we go again!

Peace, Mr. Happy-dawg. Just to show you I ain't offended, I've got somethin' special just for you : A SPECIAL CLIMBING WEB-SITE FOR MR. HAPPY!!! your pal, DwaynerP.S. the operational words are "climb aboard."

all i can say is: Mr. Happy sure does seem to spend a LOT of time speculating. Mr. Happy: you don't know from Dwayner nor from how he spends his time. Just enjoy the funny stuff and leave it at that, eh? - Dwayne [ 02-11-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ] [ 02-11-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Not in Tacoma.

Dearest Allison...let a male climber over 25 school you on this subject as I, myself, have recently been both mystified and informed about the meaning of this utterly silly bit of insider jargon. Apparently in backcountry ski-slang it means something to the effect of "freshly fallen snow". When I first heard the term, it was in the context of "Hey everybody! The freshies are here! New pow-pow ["powder-snow"]!" My initial impression was that a group of five-years olds with precocious computer skills had posted on the site. I guess if you're around that kind of lingo on a regular basis, you don't even notice how goofy it sounds to an outsider. Anyway, I hope this helps. Others out there might be able to provide more subtle nuances of meaning. aloha, Dwayner

Weird? It ain't no weirder than climbing at Exit "Stage Left" 38 or Little "Grid-Bolt" Si! [ 02-11-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

I's thinks Mr. Trask might be onta something when he say: "The ladies want nice drinks and goodies." To be more exact...they want them little plastic monkeys they put in the more expensive and exotic drinks...not the real-life climbing monkeys trying to get them drunk on cheap beer.

Here's a quote I found on da Internet: Bobbi Bensman, professional climber, on the wonders of 'her newly augmented breasts': "I walk into Victoria's Secret now and I RULE." -Bobbi Bensman Ohh such power and glory!! She "rules" Victoria's Secret!!! Gee! I sure pity all them girls with the small tops who can't "rule" an overpriced underwear emporium!

You think climbing is dangerous? Check out the mortality rate of these guys!!! MORE FATAL THAN MOUNTAINEERING!

Pub Club will not be in Tacoma this week, so quit asking. Sorry, folks, it's the Seattle area's turn. I'm sorry, but you'll just have to wait a couple of more weeks....too damn bad...the contemporary social excellence that is Tacoma should be savored in small doses; perhaps you'll have another opportunity in two weeks after other groups have had their chance...and then after having some basis for comparison, you will realize that Tacoma truly does rule!- DwaynerI's changed the name to Club Pub as per pope's suggestion that it might attract some of da ladies. Is it workin' yet? [ 02-11-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]