glacier

AIEEEE!!! Retreat!!!! Retreat!!!

Back off, or I'll slowly and inexorably slide over your house, leaving nothing but a scoured plain. That is, if I can get past this damn global warming thing.

Broken hearts "Confirming the wisdom of the poets and philosophers, doctors say the sudden death of a loved one really can cause a broken heart. In fact, they have dubbed the condition 'broken heart syndrome'."

ONDON (Reuters) - A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex. Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances. She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours." Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

could be a windshirt: And he didn't even take his dog.

I'm all about efficiency, although I neglected to post up a pic of Liberace, Richard Simmons, or a very large housecat. My bad.

Bob Bergman, former Canadian sportclimbing champ, finished the 2005 Paris-Dakar Race on a 660 KTM, unsupported (i.e. no chase truck, support crew, or significant corporate sponsorship). He finished 76th out of 104 finishers out of 230 starters. Approximately 30% of Dakar first-timers complete the race. Bob's webjournal Unfortunately, he does not mention what windshirt he wore, or if any particular NOLS course was critical in his completion of the race; however, he does have substantial outdoor industry experience as the owner of Joe Rockhead's climbing gym in Toronto.

from the Onion: BUSH DEFENDS DENY-SIDE ECONOMICS WASHINGTON, DC—Fielding questions from reporters at a Tuesday press conference, President Bush defended his adherence to the principles of deny-side economics. "Nope," the president said. "I keep hearing people say that the U.S. economy is troubled, but that isn't true. Our economy is strong. We just have to keep on doing what we're doing, and everything will work out." Leading economists say they are curious to see whether the president's optimism will trickle down into the public consciousness

DENNYS!!!!11!! Beth's - except it's a bit smoky. Minnie's - downtown. How late? Dragonfish downtown has a good late-night appetizer happy hour. 13 Coins is 24 hours? Dark, huh? Taking your beer goggle date there and not wanting to have too close a look?

fri night: took sweety out for dinner. No loathing to be found. sat: took sweety to airport at the ass-crack of dawn, went back to sleep, got up and cleaned house and ran errands, bought food for Chinese New Years party on Sunday, go for a run and wallowed in self loathing while pulling on plastic. sat night: learned at last minute that Chinese New years party postponed due to illness, make calls for climbing or skiing partner, but there is going to be some sporting event on that people watch, drank a half bottle of wine while wallowing in self loathing sun: did taxes, which lead to more wallowing in self loathing, pulled on plastic, made meatloaf for comfort food and drank remaining wine and watched '24-Hour Party People' (pretty good movie on 80's new wave scene in Manchester)

Sorry to hear about that- always sad when a fellow rider goes down. Be a good uncle for Alexia.

Nah, she wasn't crazy enough to be like the animals she was trying to protect (e.g. bunnies, bulls, racoons, etc.). Oh well.

Was always amused by my former animal-rights vegetarian g/f who had her cat declawed, yet let him out at night - poor thing would come back beaten to shit every morning. "I will not eat meat due to it's cruelty (or let you watch bullriding) but I have had the first knuckle of my cat's toes amputated leaving him incapable of defending himself or escaping enemies by climbing." 'course as a former rancher, I've always eaten meat for moral reasons.

Sheesh. Give those girls a sandwich.

All of my Nigerian friends are writing. ENGNR. TOM MUSA N.N.P.C. FALOMO COMPLEX IKOYI LAGOS NIGERIA EMAIL:tommusa1@yahoo.com URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP Dear Sir, I am Dr.Tom Musa, Director, project implementation with (N.N.P.C)Nigeria National Petrolum Co-opration and a member of the Contract Tenders Board (CTB) of the above corporation. Your esteemed address was reliably introduced to me at the Africa Chamber of Commerce and Industry in my search for a reliable individual company who can handle a strictly confidential transaction,which involves the transfer of a reasonable sum of money to a foreign account. This amount of money is total sum of US$13,500,000.00 (Thirteen Million,Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars), already extracted from various contracts awarded by my corporation. As a result of over invoicing masterminded by the concerned officials, has been drafted to represent final payment for a contract that has been executed to the corporation some years back. The money is now floating in the suspense account of my coporation(NNPC) awaiting claim by Foreign Partner which status we now want you to assume. Now is the optimum period to consummate this transaction.Following the presidential directive to all parastatals to settle all outstanding debts owed to both local and foreign contractors. In my last meeting with the officials involved, it was unanimously agreed that 25% of the total sum will be given to you 70% will be for my colleague, and me.While 5% will he used to reimburse the expenses that may be incurred in the processing of the transfer. I assure you the transaction is 100% risk free as we have concluded every arrangement to protect the interest of every one involved.Likewise, all modalities for the successful transfer of this money have been worked out with the Federal Ministry of Finance and the Bank to facilitate the remittance of this money to your designated account. However I would want to believe that you are honest enough and will not raise any misgiving attitude in any aspect of the transaction,more importantly, you will keep this transaction very confidential so as not to tarnish the confidence reposed on these officials by the Government of Nigeria. lf this business proposal is of interest to you, then kindly contact me via EMAIL:tommusa1@yahoo.com Meanwhile, your immediate response will be highly appreciated. Please treat this information as confidential. Best regards, Engnr.Tom Musa. N/B Please Reply To My Alternative Email tommusa1@yahoo.com

>From this week's Harper's Review: >>From September 3, 1967: > >U.S. Encouraged by Vietnam Vote >Officials Cite 83% Turnout Despite Vietcong Terror > >by Peter Grose, Special to the New York Times > > WASHINGTON, Sept. 3-- United States officials were surprised and >heartened today at the size of turnout in South Vietnam's presidential >election despite a Vietcong terrorist campaign to disrupt the voting. > > According to reports from Saigon, 83 per cent of the 5.85 million >registered voters cast their ballots yesterday. Many of them risked >reprisals threatened by the Vietcong. > > ....A successful election has long been seen as the keystone in >President Johnson's policy of encouraging the growth of constitutional >processes in South Vietnam. The election was the culmination of a >constitutional development that began in January, 1966, to which >President Johnson gave his personal commitment when he met Premier Ky >and General Thieu, the chief of state, in Honolulu in February. > > The purpose of the voting was to give legitimacy to the Saigon >Government, which has been founded only on coups and power plays since >November, 1963, when President Ngo Dinh Deim was overthrown by a >military junta.

FROM: SENATOR GBENGA OGUNNIYA REPLY TO: gbenga@web-mail.com.ar Dear friend Compliment of the season. My name is SENATOR GBENGA OGUNNIYA, the chairman of the Senate committee on Pension,insurance and manpower development in the National Assembly of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. I am writing you to earnestly Solicit for your assistance in helping to receive some sum of money into your account for safe keeping. I got your e-mail address through an internet marketing firm while searching for a reliable and reputable person to handle this transaction. THE PROPOSITION: We have the sum of US$29,000,000.00 (Twenty Nine Million Dollars) that we intend to transfer overseas through theassistance of a foreign partner. This money came as a result of Over provision in the budget for unclaimed pension and accident insurance. This over provision was done by my committee, but all payments have been made to beneficiaries leaving behind the over budgeted amount which amounts to US$29,000,000.00 which is deposited in the Nigeria Deposit Bank here in Nigeria. I have agreed to transfer the funds overseas for my campaign funding and other investment purposes, private use and for investment purposes with your assistance. I am contacting you therefore, to stand in as the beneficiary to process this fund into your custody. As soon as you consent to this I will immediately send you title documents to the fund in your name so you can make claim for it. I will provide you with 30% for assisting us and 10% to be set aside for reimbursement,for expenses that may arise during the process of concluding the transaction. The fund shall be transferred to you legally in accordance to all laid down procedures governing transfer of funds. I have perfected all modalities for the successful transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary. Finally, I have to reassure you that this transaction is 100% risk free and should be kept absolutely confidential. Presently, you can reach me by return mail, you should also include your telephone numbers if any, for secured communication between us. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation. I await your response. Also Note that we need to conclude this transaction before the end of next month as we can still make payments on last years budget till this time. Best Regards, SENATOR GBENGA OGUNNIYA

""All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer" - Homer Simpson

ND soundboard ND dancing loop

from mcsweeneys.net If Bush's Speech Had Rocked as Hard as His Inauguration. BY WENDY MOLYNEUX - - - - Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Justice, President Carter, President Bush, President Clinton, reverend clergy, distinguished guests, fellow-citizens, weird little purple elephant guy that I'm hallucinating: On this day, prescribed by law and marked by ceremony, we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, and recall the deep commitments that unite our country. (Giggles.) Sorry, but man, I am totally high right now. If you are watching this at home, put on some Floyd and spark one, because I'm about to blow your mind. I am grateful for the honor of this hour, mindful of the consequential times in which we live, and determined to get a snack when this shit is done. You know what would be good right now? Some Cheetos. Or one of those Sno Balls. Those little pink Hostess guys? Does anybody have any snacks with them? I can eat and talk. Oh crap, Laura's looking at me with those fire eyes. C'mon, give me a hug. No? OK. Anyway, at this second gathering, our duties are defined not by the words I use, but by the history we have seen together. For a half century, America defended our own freedom by standing watch on distant borders. After the shipwreck of Communism came—wait, has anybody seen Hunt for Red October? That is one of my favorite movies. Where is Sean Connery from, anyway? I thought he was English but then he's got like this weird accent in his voice. Did you see Entrapment? I'd like to see Catherine Zeta-Jones in the Oval Office, if you know what I mean. Crap, Laura's going to make me go back to Promise Keepers. I just know it. We have seen our vulnerability—like last night I figured out that I can't put my hand through a bulletproof window. Rumsfeld dared me to try, but it's impossible, even on PCP. So what am I trying to say here? I guess I just want the American people to know that I've had a totally awesome time with you guys. Is it cool if I sit? (The president sits.) Whew! That's better. My feet felt weird, like cold and hot at the same time. Does anybody else hear a gong? No? OK, Elephant Guy heard it, anybody else hear it? Anyway, like I was saying, the last four years have been a fucking blast. Yeah, we had some awkward moments, like when I accidentally said, "Bring it on." That was a major party foul. And I totally kicked the keg as far as the budget goes. But don't forget all the laughs we had. Like when I choked on that pretzel, and when I dropped that dog, and remember, oh man, when I was reading that book about that goat. There are some things you don't want on camera! I guess I felt really sad when I thought I might lose the election, because those four years just flew by. So I'm so fucking psyched that we are all going to hang out for four more years. So, I guess, you know, I love you guys. So let's just keep rocking for the next four, OK? Promise me we'll party, OK? Cool. (The president stands.) Now I gotta get out of here because I'm meeting my connection on the East Lawn, then we're gonna go look at the fractal posters I put up in the Lincoln bedroom. Oh, and I was just kidding about thinking I would lose the election. My family and I will kill and eat anyone who stands in our way. Peace! I'm out.

Hater's Guide 2005

So a giraffe walks into a bar, and shouts 'THE HIGHBALLS ARE ON ME'

"What's that on the television then?" "Looks like a penguin." "It's funny that penguin being there innit? What's it doing there?" "Avoiding rising sea levels?"

Friday: Smashingly good second date. Saturday: College buddy's wedding, followed by a "There's no snow so we might as well drink" party. Sunday: Smashingly good third date, walk on Alki. Thrashed about at VW. Home for CSI reruns.

Agreed - FP was brilliant- and didn't take itself quite so seriously.