pope

Here's a fun JW story from The Real Frank Zappa Book: On Halloween night 1965, during the break before the last set, I was sitting on the steps in front of the place, wearing khaki work pants, no shoes, an 1890's bathing shirt and a black homburg hat with the top pushed up. John Wayne arrived in a tux with two bodyguards, another guy and two ladies in evening gowns--all very drunk. Reaching the steps, he grabbed me, picked me up and started slapping me on the back, shouting, "I saw you in Egypt and you were great...and then you blew me!" I took an immediate dislike to the guy. Remember, all kinds of show people went to this club, from Warren Beatty to Soupy Sales, so it wasn't unusual for someone like "the Duke" to show up. The place was packed. When I got up on stage to begin the last set, I announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, it's Halloween. We were going to have some important guests here tonight--we were expecting George Lincoln Rockwell, head of the American Nazi Party--unfortunately, he couldn't make it--but here's John Wayne." As soon as I said that, he got up from his table, stumbled onto the dance floor, and started to make a speech. I leaned the microphone down so everyone could hear it; something along the lines of "---and if I'm elected, I promise to...." At that point, once of his bodyguards grabbed him and made him sit down. The other one handed the microphone back to me and told me to cool it or there was going to be BIG TROUBLE. At the end of the show, the manager of the club came over to me and said, "Be nice to the Duke, because when he gets like this he starts throwing fifty-dollar bills around." I had to pass his table on my way out. As I went by, he got up and smashed my hat down on top of my head. I took it off and popped it back out. This apparently annoyed him, as he shouted, "You don't like the way I fix hats? I've been fixing hats for forty years." I put it back on my head and he smashed it down again. I said, "I'm not even gonna give you a chance to apologize," and walked out.

Clip too many bolts and you might just CRAP YOUR PANTS next time you have to place a nut.

We get sweaty just thinking about Exit 38. Wanna carpool? Waiting for your call! You grab the quick draws!

If you clip them bolts, you might be seeing me. IF YOU PLACE THEM BOLTS, YOU DEFINITELY BE SEEIN' ME!

Sport climbing changed our lives forever. We're now more sensitive and introspective than ever before. When we don't have to worry about placing pro, we've found more time for sharing those special moments over a soy latté. "Three squirts of vanilla please!"

Never mistake Tinky Winky's head for a bolt hanger. You'll find his foot lodged where the sun don't shine.

The New Millenium: super models on Everest, prepubescents crank 5.14, and I'm clippin' bolts and feelin' like Fabio. HOTCHA!

Chicks dig sport climbers. Be prepared to fight them off.

Straight out of the gym? Read the instructions on the Gri-Gri carefully before use.

Crazy, that's a good story.

Nothing spectacular. It's a bolted crack. Obviously you think that pitch is kind of neat. It probably conforms to your sense of aesthetics. Just don't let me hear your bitching if the Chief eventually gets a GONDOLA. When you think about it, the trail of bolts that is Perry's Pitch or whatever you call it offers a similar adventure to riding that cabel car. IMHFO.

Dru suggested I hadn't climbed the route. I corrected the record with a few details. I wasn't trying to impress anybody. I remember thinking the climbing was of a reasonably good quality until we got to the undercling bit where my buddy kind of snickered and left THE ENTIRE RACK OF CAMS hanging from the first bolt and was absolutely thrilled to go into sport climbing mode. Clip-n-go. Eeeeeeeeeeeeh! That pitch was kind of stupid and above it we didn't find anything stellar. On the Sward pitch, I do remember not realizing that the pitch didn't go straight up the corner. Somebody told me that a bolt now protects the move back into the corner near the top of that pitch. Is that true? Anyway, Rudy, we were happy with our 5-hour ascent way back then. How fast did you do it? And BTW, you're kind of an asshole.

Perry's Layback? Is that what we're looking at? I thought it looked familiar, but the crack looks vertical and I remember an undercling. Either way, it's a bolted crack. If that's the Grand Wall, yes I've climbed the route. With Cruel Shoes we did it in 5 hours back in the late 80's (with a 45m rope if I remember right).

Possibly a true statement, although Dwayner had no idea this thread even existed and certainly had no influence on its contents at the time when the controversial photo was pasted by OffWhitey.

No, Weenus breath. What you were looking at there is a picture of vandalism in the form of a bolted hand crack. Get it? The vandalism is already there.

As long as you're going to take shots at somebody who has nothing to do with this thread, as long as you're going to paste photos of Dwayner without his permission.....it would make sense to include Dwayner in the conversation. Oh, but I suppose it qualifies as great sport for a burned-out hippie to stand behind the illusion of Faith in Freedom of Expression and throw rocks like a coward, all the while knowing that no reply from Dwayner will be allowed. OK, Offwhitey, I'll let you back to your reefer now.

Vandalism spree? Is this what you had in mind?

Ironically, last time I was down at the "climbing" gym, more than a handful of the patrons were sporting glasses with that nerdy 1950's retro appeal. I like what Frank said about the retro craze: It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice--there are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia. When you compute the length of time between THE EVENT and THE NOSTALGIA FOR THE EVENT, the span seems to be about a year less in each cycle. Eventually within the next quarter of a century, the nostalgia cycles will be so close together that people will not be able to take a step without being nostalgic for the one they just took. At that point, everything stops. Death by Nostalgia. FZ (The Real Frank Zappa Book)

This ain't funny schtick, just an insult. If you want funny schtick you'll have to search the archives. Trust me, it's there. I'm no longer inclinced to think there is here to be found an audience of the quality that might deserve the funny schtick.

Thanks, Bob. That's classic! Thanks, Mr. E, that's classic!

You ain't gonna hear from him 'cause.... 1. He's banned....by you. 2. He has absolutely no respect for you....whatsoever. 3. He's proud to operate outside your social circle. p.s. Dwayner tells me he met Glassgowkiss/Bob once and got the impression he was a nice guy. So much for first impressions....