Happy New Year

[thelawgoddess]

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.

 

For ordinary sins.....................White Bread

For erotic sins.........................French Bread

For particularly dark sins..........Pumpernickel

For complex sins.....................Multigrain

For twisted sins.......................Pretzels

For tasteless sins....................Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision...............Waffles

For sins committed in haste.....Matzo

For sins of chutzpah................Fresh Bread

For substance abuse...............Stoned Wheat

For use of heavy drugs.............Poppy Seed

For petty larceny.....................Stollen

For committing auto theft.........Caraway

For timidity/cowardice..............Milk Toast

For ill-temperedness................Sourdough

For silliness, eccentricity.........Nut Bread

For not giving full value.............Shortbread

For jingoism, chauvinism..........Yankee Doodles

For excessive irony..................Rye Bread

For unnecessary chances........Hero Bread

For war-mongering...................Kaiser Rolls

For dressing immodestly..........Tarts

For causing injury to others......Tortes

For lechery and promiscuity.....Hot Buns

For promiscuity with gentiles....Hot Cross Buns

For racist attitudes..................Crackers

For sophisticated racism..........Ritz Crackers

For being holier than thou.........Bagels

For abrasiveness.....................Grits

For dropping in without notice...Popovers

For overeating.........................Stuffing

For impetuosity.......................Quick Bread

For indecent photography.........Cheesecake

For raising your voice too often..Challah

For pride and egotism...............Puff Pastry

For sycophancy, ass-kissing.....Brownies

For being overly smothering.......Angel Food Cake

For laziness.............................Any long loaf

For trashing the environment......Dumplings

 

and finally,

 

For telling bad jokes/puns........Corn Bread

[matt_warfield]

does this mean you're really thelawgoddessandjewishprincess?

[rbw1966]

You are being redundant

[matt_warfield]

if that's the case then being a climber and (especially) cc.com'er breaks her away from the pack!

[Greg_W]

Great. Now I have to go run a bakery truck off the 520 bridge into the Lake

[thelawgoddess]

well, no ... technically i'm not jewish. though some have called me a closet one!

[iain]

zappa had a few things to say about jewish princesses...

[sk]

closet or not... happy new year!!!!

[Greg_W]

TLG - just in case you are jewish, remind me not to go hiking in the desert with you

[matt_warfield]

why not be agnostic or atheist and drink vodka and have sex whenever you want.

[Greg_W]

quote:

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Originally posted by matt warfield:

why not be agnostic or atheist and drink vodka and have sex whenever you want.

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Because she likes being spanked for committing sins

[thelawgoddess]

no you got that all wrong, greg w. being spanked makes me sin ...

[Greg_W]

Sorry, I forgot; must have blacked out at that point of the evening.

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Wow, it's another way rad over-the-top innuendo thread! Whoooo, DFA was afraid we were done with those!

 

[iain]

quote:

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Originally posted by matt warfield:

is being a closet jew kind of like being a jack mormon?

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That trifecta post reminded me of those SAT questions where you had to choose the most correct sentence.

[matt_warfield]

quote:

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technically i'm not jewish. though some have called me a closet one!

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Is that kind of like being a "jack" mormon?

[matt_warfield]

quote:

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though some have called me a closet one

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Is that like being a jack mormon?

[matt_warfield]

is being a closet jew kind of like being a jack mormon?

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Hey, matt, let us know if you have any questions about the relationship between closet Jewishness and jack Mormonism, OK?

[matt_warfield]

sorry guys and gals, was told my posts weren't going through!

[thelawgoddess]

what's up with the board; seems to be some technical difficulties going on ...

 

if you're really dying to know i was born "half-buddhist" and half ... uhh ... not buddhist. i think judaism is a pretty awesome, though, and i've done some in-depth exploration of it - both as a religion and a culture. for the likes of a bunch of you, i would think judaism had a bunch of appeal. where else do you get to do shots of vodka after "church" and are told to celebrate sex every sabbath?

[Dwayner]

L'shana tovah!

 

Am replacing Mickey's as my favorite choice of beverage for this week only:

 

 

[Cletus]

Bwaa haaa haaaa

 

this thread is cracking me up! I nearly got busted laughing out loud at work here. (They don't allow that. Laughing, I mean. Plus, I'm behind on my TPS reports.)

 

by the way goddess, you missed the actual day. your initial post was a day or so after the new year. But who cares when we're talking about sex every friday!!

 

oh yeah, about that, first of all, I think you're told to HAVE sex every sabbath, not celebrate it. I mean, honestly, who celebrates sex? Hey, let's throw a party for sex? (Not that its not worth celebrating, of course, but...I would just as soon get good-night laid, thanks very much!) I also vaguely seem to remember that the whole friday night nookie session is only encouraged with your spouse, but I could be wrong there.

 

You want to come over and discuss in person? We can do it in a closet if you like. Or did I read that wrong?

 

Dwayner, that's pretty funny stuff there...

[Greg_W]

quote:

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Originally posted by Cletus:

...Plus, I'm behind on my TPS reports.

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"Office Space" is an awesome movie!!! I lived it for about 4.5 years!