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[allthumbs]

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

 

A: "Is it mine?"

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?

 

A: If her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

[Bob_Clarke]

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife.

 

“Hello,” he starts, “I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?”

 

“Yes. My husband and I use it during sex,” she answers.

 

The researcher is taken aback. “Um, er, I admire you for your honesty,” he continues. “Can you tell me exactly how you use it?”

 

“Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in.”

[allthumbs]

Two blondes are walking down the street. One

notices a makeup compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

[Bob_Clarke]

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A: A golden retriever.

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Q: How many lawyers does it take to tile a roof?

 

A: Depends on how thin you slice 'em.

[BigWallBigBallsRocky]

A young man is visiting his girlfriend's family for the first time. unfortunately he ate BEANS for lunch.

 

So Girlfriend and her Mom are making dinner and boyfriend and her Dad are sitting in the living room talking about sports along with Chester, the family dog. By and by the BF feels the beans acting and before he can do anything about it a fart audibly slips out. He is embarrased but Dad looks at the dog and says "Chester!"

 

Whew, he thought it was the dog, thinks Boyfriend.

 

A few minutes later, again he farts. again Dad says "Chester!"

 

A few minutes later he farts again, a real stinker this time.

 

This time Dad says a little bit more: "Chester, c'mon over here before he shits on you!"

[dog]

Q: How do you know a blonde has been using a computer.

 

A: There is white out on the monitor.

[joekania]

Didja hear about the four blondes who froze to death at the drive-in last January?

 

They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

[Greg_W]

KILLER BISCUTS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

(ACTUAL AP HEADLINE)

 

Sharon Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Sharon's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Sharon replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Sharon refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Sharon had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it

was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

 

And, yes, Sharon is a blonde

[sketchfest]

That is damn funny!

[AvlNC]

Two guys are sitting in a bar. The first ask his bud "you ever had one of those Freudian slips?" The scond replies I'm not sure what that is. Well, says the second, it is when you say something that comes out different than you meant it. For instance, the other day I was in the train station and the clerk behind the counter had very large breast. So I meant to say I will take a ticket to Pittsburg but instead it came out I want a ticket to Tits-burg. "Oh yeah" replied his buddy, "I had one of those just the other day. I was sitting at the breakfast table with my wife and I was looking at the OJ. I meant to say Honey, will you please pass the orange juice but instead it came out Bitch you have ruined my life!".

[glacier_dup1]

Two debutantes are sitting on the porch, and one is bragging to the other –

“My daddy is throwing my a huge graduation party at the country club, and we’re inviting 250 people.”

“Oh, nice, how very nice,” says the second.

“And then he’s giving me a BMW convertible for a graduation gift.”

“Oh, nice, how very nice,” says the second.

“And then he’s paying my way through Tulane.”

“Oh, nice, how very nice,” says the second.

“And what did your daddy get you for graduation?” asks the first.

“He sent me to finishing school,” says the second.

“And what good was that?” asks the first.

“Well, instead of saying ‘Fuck you,’ we’re taught to say ‘oh, nice, how very nice’.”

[allthumbs]

One day at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son is choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's balls and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.

 

"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"

 

"No," replied the man, "I work for the IRS."

[joekania]

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

 

RUN! She's got a grenade in her mouth!

[glen]

Q: What do you call 10 blondes lined up ear to ear?

 

A: Wind tunnel.