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Posted

The last 3 days the John Stewart minute has NOT been funny. Has been funny ....[font:Arial Black]NOT! [/font]Oh they have a laugh track going, like it is funny, but that even makes it worse when you go..."why are those idiots laughing". I am laying the blame for the squarely on Bush's shoulders. Stewart was F*ing hilarious with Bush as a foil and now he's all flat and not funny.

 

Please help me in bringing both George Bush and humor back to John Stewart.

 

Trying to help out Rob here: http://cascadeclimbers.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/890049/2/BORING

 

If Kevbone was still here you'd all not need to resort to such shenanigans ya know....

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Posted
The last 3 days the John Stewart minute has NOT been funny. Has been funny ....[font:Arial Black]NOT! [/font]Oh they have a laugh track going, like it is funny, but that even makes it worse when you go..."why are those idiots laughing". I am laying the blame for the squarely on Bush's shoulders. Stewart was F*ing hilarious with Bush as a foil and now he's all flat and not funny.

 

Please help me in bringing both George Bush and humor back to John Stewart.

 

that's because there's nothing funny about what Obama is doing. and not in a good way. :wave:

Posted
lolz. Ashcroft. I forgot about that guy. I loved it when he made them cover up the breasts on the statue of Justice.

 

Well, nothing beat "Bubba" and his band of merry men for laughs. Jocelyn Elders - telling us the best prevention for teen pregnancy was to teach kids to whack off was a classic. And Dick Morris on the phone with the president after getting blown by a prostitute.

And the cigar comment... you can't make this shit up

Posted
Jocelyn Elders - telling us the best prevention for teen pregnancy was to teach kids to whack off was a classic.

 

You know Clinton fired her for that, right?

 

It's too bad - now we have Bristol Palin telling us that kids would NOT have sex if they knew about the horrible consequences. (Also: she's totally psyched to be a mommy!)

 

Elders' comment was actually at an AIDS conference, but the point still stands. Maybe we can replace abstinence only with masturbation only.

Posted

Bush wrote Stewarts stuff, all John Stewart had to do was quote it and give that funny look to a camera or pause.....magic.

 

Memories....ahhhhh.....Bushisms copied and pasted, there's hundreds more if anyone wants:

 

_ "There's an old saying in Tennessee _ I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee _ that says, fool me once, shame on _ shame on you. Fool me _ you can't get fooled again." _ Sept. 17, 2002, in Nashville, Tenn.

 

_ "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." _ Aug. 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defense spending bill.

 

_ "Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." _ Sept. 6, 2004, at a rally in Poplar Bluff, Mo.

 

_ "Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." _ April 20, 2005, in Washington.

 

_ "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job." _ Sept. 20, 2005, in Gulfport, Miss.

 

_ "I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." _ Sept. 5, 2005, when Bush met with residents of Poplarville, Miss., in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

 

_ "It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." _ June 29, 2006, at the White House, where Bush met with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

 

_ "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." _ Dec. 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

 

_ "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." _ June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.

 

_ "Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." _ September 2007, in Sydney, Australia, where Bush was attending an APEC summit.

 

_ "Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." April 16, 2008, at a ceremony welcoming Pope Benedict XVI to the White House.

 

_ "The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." _ May 27, 2008, in Mesa, Ariz.

 

_ "And they have no disregard for human life." _ July 15, 2008, at the White House. Bush was referring to enemy fighters in Afghanistan.

 

_ "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." _ June 26, 2008, during a Rose Garden news briefing.

 

_ "Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." _ July 4, 2008 in Virginia.

 

_ "The people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there's a lot of prayer _ prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I'm one of them. It's good to come down here." _ Sept. 3, 2008, at an emergency operations center in Baton Rouge, La., after Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast.

Posted

My favorite (posted on my fridge) was always:

 

"I'm gonna talk about the ideal world, Chris. I've read—I understand reality. If you're asking me as the president, would I understand reality, I do."—On abortion, Hardball, MSNBC; May 31, 2000

 

 

Yes folks, that's three tenses in one sentence.

Posted

Now fuck off permanently. MKTHXBYE!

 

 

Fixed that for you. What, are you not swearing now? Don't worry, i won't tell yr wife. HAH

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