Alpine Training Suggestions

[texplorer]

Here's some easy things you can do to prepare for that alpine climb you been eyeing.1) Run a marathon2) Stay up all night after the marathon3) Get in the shower, turn the lights off and the water on as cold as it gets.4) Take a box of dead batteries and drop in two good ones. Spend at least four hours in the shower trying to find the good batteries and place them in your Zipka.5) In the morning drink a six pack and 3 gus ( this is to simulate the hypoxia) and go to your nearest climbing gym and solo up all 5.7-5.9's. (the gym attendants yelling and attempts to pull you off the walls is designed to simulate the effects of high winds)6) Finish up with an easy 10 mile downhill run.

Other suggestions include:-dragging your hands on the asphalt while driving-taking a wire brush to your legs and arms-picking a fight with the biggest guy you can find and then let him beat the holy s#$% out of you

If you have any more suggestions I would love to hear them!

[Cpt.Caveman]

Dont forget your partner has to train too

Me and James Training http://www.alpinelite.com/caveman.htm

[highclimb]

Dude Tex,

running downhill is bad for you

just climb alot during the offseason...oh wait....THERE IS NO OFF SEASON .

Aidan

[Terminal_Gravity]

After finishing Tex's work out try this...

Get the flu.

Eat thirty seven prunes.

Tighten a C-clamp onto your temples.

Drink 1 1/2 oz. each of Mescal (with worm), Absinthe, Ouzo and Jagermeister.

Put duct tape over your mouth, and one nostril. (Your allowed to remove duct tape only while puking)

Pee in your pants

Spend 16 hours on a stairmaster in a walk in freezer.

For extra credit you may apply 400 grit sand paper to the piece of clothing opposite any of the following.

ToesAchilles tendonsNipplesTestes

Note: If you ever feel like you are getting "a second wind" drink 5 ml of Visine

[Dru]

Here is another good one.

Go to donate blood. About a pint will do.Drink a pint to make up the fluid.Run five miles home through the cold rain, lightly dressed in your running clothes.Realize you left your keys in the bar.Run back, get keys, run home, all after dark in the rain.Realize you grabbed the wrong keys. too tired to run again. climb 5 stories up your apartment building on balconies, astonish your neighbours, pick your balcony lock in the dark with no headlamp.Just as you get inside after all of this the phone rings and you have to discuss your relationship INTELLIGIBLY for an hour with your girlfriend.

If you can do this - alpine climbing will be no problem whatsoever.

[erik]

the only part of alpine climbing i do not enjoy is the bivouac. so for that first you make an apperance at a party or bar, argue with that special someone get all frustrated and drink rapidly and excessively, then leave in a pissy mood stumble around the unfamilar neighborhood(careful in some cities) get really frustrated at yout lack of route finding abilities and the fact that your parter is unreasonable and then sit down in someone front lawn mumbling incoherantly about your shortcomings as a human being...etc....

pass out.......

then wake up the next morning in dew soaked clothes confused and groggy.

you have just survuved the unplanned open bivouac.

part 2:

go home and lay a guilt trip on your partner for not being there and understanding the gravity of the situation that she put you in the night before. tell her that as a team or partneership no matter what the hardships you may incounter that sticking together and working through the difficult situiations only makes the next one that much easier and you a stronger team........ooops sorry different tangent!!!