Child abuse

[sobo]

Child abusing

 

Kevin,

I just had to use that line, borrowed from minx. I found it very funny when she first used it upon you several weeks ago.

 

Seriously, Kevin, while your child may or may not have boundaries, the parenting style that you embrace seems very lax by my standards. However, you need to be aware that I have never beat, whipped, spanked, nor even slapped my son. There has never been a need, as he is a very compliant and sensitive boy. Even if he were not, I still doubt that I would ever need to employ corporal punishment with him. He responds well to reason and requests for corrective action.

 

My daughter, OTOH, is an extremely willful, spirited, and obstreperous little brat that knows full well how to play Mommy and Daddy off each other to get what she wants. And Mommy plays right into it, much like it sounds like you do with your son. Countless times she does things in front of me that she knows full well are unacceptable behaviors, only to smirk and tell me, "I tell Mom" if I am to attempt to employ corrective measures. I now find this situation untenable, as I am effectively rendered impotent as a parent in regards to her.

 

I fear that my daughter will grow up believing that if she whines sufficiently, or cries enough crocodile tears, or pitches a big enough tantrum, or throws herself bodily to the floor and kicks and screams and flails her arms and legs wildly enough (yes, she does that), that whoever she is dealing with at the time will give in to her demands. I, however, do not subscribe to this form of behavior. However, it is difficult to reconcile this when Mommy does allow it to reap rewards for Daughter. It appears to me that you are on the same path as my wife and daughter are. I wish you luck, and hope for society's sake that things turn around before it's too late.

 

And for the record, I have spanked my daughter only four times in her little life, and each "spanking" consisted of a single swat with my bare, open palm across her clothed butt, not in anger, and only after my repeated requests, entreaties, directives, and assorted other molly-coddling to adhere to appropriate behaviors proved ineffective. I hardly call that a beating or child abuse, and I wholly believe a court or CPS would agree.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

 

Mattp: you have not paid attention to boner's past comments on parenting.

[kevbone]

KK and Rumor, I'm speaking from the peanut gallery as I have not raised children but it seems to me that mostly you've just shown that you confuse corporal punishment with discipline and boundaries and apparently believe there can be no discipline without spanking. I have no idea what kind of parent Kevbone is, or what kind either of you are, based on that thread or really much of any other on this board. The insistence that if Kevone doesn't spank his kids he is not instilling discipline causes me to wonder if both of you lack the skill and imagination needed to be a good dad, though.

 

 

Kind words from the peanut gallery

 

I guess my point is to all the spray talk about parenting is if you raise them right (whatever that means) from the get go.....you wont need to spank them.

 

 

I got spanked growning up ALL the time. I believe I never deserved to have my father whip the shit out of me.

[mattp]

That could very well be, KK. I mostly ignore threads where you, Kevbone, and RumR are predominate. I have watched this one a little bit, though, because it seemed to me that from the very beginning this was yet another dogmatic argument with a dash of kevbone bashing and I just wanted to enjoy the mudfight as a distraction these past two days.

[sobo]

Hey! What about me? Am I just pâté in this little spat?

[kevbone]

 

Seriously, Kevin, while your child may or may not have boundaries, the parenting style that you describe seems very lax by my standards. I have never beat, whipped, spanked, nor even slapped my son. There had never been a need.

 

Gee sobo….sounds like we have similar styles……

 

 

It appears to me that you are on the same path as my wife and daughter are. I wish you luck, and hope for society's sake that things turn around before it's too late.

 

Thanks….I will probably need it.

 

[Peter_Puget]

Matt you fuckin idiot. Clearly spanking is an attempt by the individual to assert hegemony over his family.. spanking is merely the local symptom of our national impulse to assert US hegemony over the world....spank at home..fight overseas....hopefully four years of BHO will put us in our place....and bring peace back to our homes.

[sobo]

I got spanked growning up ALL the time. I believe I never deserved to have my father whip the shit out of me.

So which one was it? Spankings, or whipping the shit out of you? You make them sound interchangeable, whereas in my book, they clearly are not.

[kevbone]

I got spanked growning up ALL the time. I believe I never deserved to have my father whip the shit out of me.

So which one was it? Spankings, or whipping the shit out of you? You make them sound interchangeable, whereas in my book, they clearly are not.

 

IMO when you are five years old they are the same thing. One just hurts MORE. Either way your parent is hurting you and it does not feel good.

[sobo]

I got spanked growning up ALL the time. I believe I never deserved to have my father whip the shit out of me.

So which one was it? Spankings, or whipping the shit out of you? You make them sound interchangeable, whereas in my book, they clearly are not.

 

IMO when you are five years old they are the same thing. One just hurts MORE. Either way your parent is hurting you and it does not feel good.

When you are 5 years old they are most definitely not the same thing. IMO.

Clearly, we disagree on this. Spanking a 5 yoa and whipping the shit out of a 5 yoa are worlds apart. IMO.

[rob]

poor kevbone, the cafe and you don't seem to be bosom buddies

 

I'm glad that you son appears to not need spankings. I've never had to spank my son -- he's just not that kind of kid. (So far) he's never done anything to warrant it. I would, if it came to that, though. Maybe that's what keeps him in line? I dunno. He's kind of a book worm, and doesn't really act out. I don't have to do much for him to snap into line.

 

My daughter, on the other hand, is the devil. She's had her fair share of spankings. Never enough to actually hurt her (I wouldn't call it beating!), but enough to sting, and to get her attention. She's a different kind of kid -- when she gets in her mood, nothing else snaps her out of it. When she is getting a spanking, I'm not irrational -- I explain what's going on and why she's getting a spanking, and then she goes into her room and cries for a bit and then comes out and we make up and it's all good.

 

I haven't had to spank her in a long time, because it was such an effective deterrent.

 

It sounds like you were beat as a child, which is different than a spanking. And it sounds like your experience has colored your view of ANY kind of corporal punishment as "beating." Too bad you were raised like that, but hopefully you can understand there is a difference between an enraged beating, and a controlled spanking.

 

Maybe you don't agree, but don't paint the whole world with the same paintbrush, or your colors will run.

[chucK]

My two cents:

 

If your kid is acting up, you should try to figure out was going on with him/her. Try to figure out if it's just hungry/cranky or if there's more to it that could be worked out better in the long run with an actual discussion or something.

 

Spanking is too easy. Quick compliance. Cures the symptoms but may not address the underlying cause. It can make you lazy.

 

Take a little time to analyze the situation. Try to decide what exactly is going on before resorting to the spanking. This method will also keep you from spanking or pinching in anger/frustration. Modeling that sort of behavior for your kid may turn out real bad in the long run.

 

I haven't ever spanked our kids. I remember I used to get frustrated and grab overly tightly, probably very similar to Kevin's pinching story. Then one day my son was mad at me for some reason and walked up and grabbed me overly tight, trying to hurt me. At that point I realized that I had fucked up. I had taught my son that if angry, the appropriate response is to hurt the person.

 

Yes, I did stop doing that (in a hurry).

[RuMR]

I got spanked growning up ALL the time. I believe I never deserved to have my father whip the shit out of me.

So which one was it? Spankings, or whipping the shit out of you? You make them sound interchangeable, whereas in my book, they clearly are not.

well said sobo...

 

and matt, until you have kids, i don't put much weight on your thoughts...as sobo put it earlier, some kids, a simple word or discussion is all that it takes, others, well...they like to toe the line and sometimes step over it...

 

It was more Kev's dogmatic approach that no matter what, corporal punishment is wrong...well, that's his view, but its not mine...

 

I don't beat the shit out of my kids, i don't whip the shit out of my kids, but, if i feel its warranted, I will spank with an open hand, once across the back of the legs...i can count the number of times that its happened on one hand...

 

 

[kevbone]

poor kevbone, the cafe and you don't seem to be bosom buddies

 

:cry:

 

 

I dont care what you all do your own children. I am sure everyone does the best they can. All I am saying is I wont spank my child.....EVER.

 

 

Jeez....this all started because i wanted a second opinion as what to do when you see child abuse in public.

[kevbone]

It was more Kev's dogmatic approach that no matter what, corporal punishment is wrong...well, that's his view, but its not mine...

 

I never said it was wrong.....just that I would not do it.

[Couloir]

My brother used to make paddles with holes drilled in them in woodshop in junior high and gave them to my mom. Sadistic fucker!

[KaskadskyjKozak]

[

 

I dont care what you all do your own children. I am sure everyone does the best they can.

 

Bullshit! You started this thread by asking what to DO about a situation you witnessed.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

My brother used to make paddles with holes drilled in them in woodshop in junior high and gave them to my mom. Sadistic fucker!

 

My mother used to hit my little bro with a wooden spoon, preferring the one with a hole (he deserved it).

 

 

[mattp]

I deliberately acknowledged my limited experience in the subject area so you could discount my opinion appropriately, RuMr, and like I said: I don't think we know enough from dogmatic posts on cc.com to judge whether any of us are good are bad parents in totality. From what you post here, you seem like a pretty good dad but I was commenting on the apparent insistence that Kevbone's issue with corporal punishment is proof tantamont that he is not a good dad.

[akhalteke]

Yep, and as a gen X'er myself, I can say that is the truth. My cohorts are lazy, have no work ethic, have an amazing sense of entitlement and ae just plain spoiled and uneducated.

 

 

You judgmental ass....I suppose you are not lazy and have a hell of a work ethic eh.....superior bullshit if you ask me.....

 

Kev. I can assure you I do. If you knew even one thing about me, you would know that; but you don't. I have worked more hours this year than you have been awake. That I can assure you of.

[kevbone]

 

My mother used to hit my little bro with a wooden spoon, preferring the one with a hole (he deserved it).

 

 

 

This is were I have problem......IMO no child deserves to be hit.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

Kev. I can assure you I do. If you knew even one thing about me, you would know that; but you don't. I have worked more hours this year than you have been awake. That I can assure you of.

 

 

you're probably more awake after a case of Stroh's than Kevbone is stone-cold sober.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

 

My mother used to hit my little bro with a wooden spoon, preferring the one with a hole (he deserved it).

 

 

 

This is were I have problem......IMO no child deserves to be hit.

 

he did. the little fucker.

[kevbone]

Kev. I can assure you I do. If you knew even one thing about me, you would know that; but you don't. I have worked more hours this year than you have been awake. That I can assure you of.

 

 

you're probably more awake after a case of Stroh's than Kevbone is stone-cold sober.

 

 

I have to shade my eyes or I will be blinded by all the EGO in both these posts.....

[akhalteke]

Kev. I can assure you I do. If you knew even one thing about me, you would know that; but you don't. I have worked more hours this year than you have been awake. That I can assure you of.

 

 

you're probably more awake after a case of Stroh's than Kevbone is stone-cold sober.

 

 

I have to shade my eyes or I will be blinded by all the EGO in both these posts.....

 

God's honest facts Kev. You have no idea.