Cliff Notes for Climbers

[Dwayner]

Ahoy Fellow Ascent-Monkeys:

It's summer and the mountains are waiting so in the interest of saving some time and money reading a bunch of mountaineering literature, I suggest we submit some short, to the point reviews; "Cliff Notes", so to speak, of some choice volumes.

For example:

Heinrich Harrer, "The White Spider": Ice-axe wielding crypto-Nazi climbs big scary mountain.

Joe Simpson, "Touching the Void": Climber cuts rope and partner falls in crevasse. Partner climbs out."

Lou Whittaker, "Memoirs of a Mountain Guide": Hi, I'm Big Lou...Look at me....over here, a little to your left....No, I'm not that Everest guy but I look just like him...Hey! where you going?

Pat Ament, "High Endeavors": I write very well and other people agree. I am also very sensitive. Just ask me.

I realize lots of people love these books, so it be just my opinion.

- Dwayner, looking for a fun topic.

P.S. You know that chick in "The Crying Game"?....It's really a dude!!!

[verticalswamp]

crystal horizon - I'm the best, really. To prove it I'll climb something big alone. Here are my underpants at 27,000 ft.

Messner

[willstrickland]

Joe Simpson, "This Game of ghosts" I was a little brat kid then almost got killed then almost got killed again.

Mark Twight, "Kiss or Kill" I hate myself and I hate you too, you fuckin gumby.

Steve Roper, "Camp 4: Recollections of a Yosemite Climber". There are alot of funny partying stories to tell but I'll give you a history lesson instead.

Greg Child, "Postcards from the ledge" All around hardman escapes by the narrowest margin, every time, all over the world.

Paul Petzoldt, "Teton Tales", Young bumpkin invents US mountain guiding while climbing a load of first ascents in the Tetons.

[Dru]

Into Thin Air - I get guided up Everest. But really i'm a good climber. People die. It's all Anatoli Bouukreev's fault. i feel guilty because i could have saved them because i'm a good climber. but i didn't.

[willstrickland]

Anatoli Boukreev, "The Climb": I climb my own way because goddamnit it works, oxygen is a liability and is for punters like the assholes I'm guiding. I saved a bunch of people's ass alone in a storm above 8000m after breaking trail and dragging a bunch of whiners around and all I get is blame so fuck off armchair boys.

[Dru]

"Challenge of the North Cascades": I am Fred Beckey. I made a bunch of first ascents. You didn't. Me first.

[forrest_m]

Anatol Boukereev - The Climb: You real dumb, west media make me look bad, hurt feelings. My side of story much better. (pls. ekscuse my speling)

Jim Wickwire - Addicted to Myself: Look at me, I managed to find a balance between ambition and family by neglecting my family, killing my climbing partners and driving my children away.

Fred Beckey - Challenge of the North Cascades: You young whippersnappers don't know how good you've got it. Why, when I was young, we used to walk to the climbs from Seattle - uphill both directions. We would put our tennis shoes *on* for the hard pitches. I remember one time...

Jeff Long - Angels of Light: Drug plane crashes in the Yosemite backcountry and enterprising camp 4 dirtbags get rich, until columbian villians start tossing people off the top of el cap. (Loosely based on a real event...) Actually, this one is a pretty good summer read.

[willstrickland]

Hey, anybody know where I can read about the Middendorf/Bongard 5.11 soloing on acid as training thing?

[specialed]

Paul Pritchard "Deep Play": Hey I'm a young climbing punk living off the dole in Britian eating shrooms and smoking grass. I'm way poor but I climb every day. I went to the big mountains and climbed lots of them. The End.

Paul Pritchard "The Totem Pole": A big rock hit me on the head... now what was I saying?

[fredrogers]

Kurt Diemburger "Spirits of the Air": I miz mien brain cells from being at altitude too much and now I see things in the in the clouds.

Marice Herzog: Losing all my fingers and toes for the greater glory of France was really worth it. No, it really REALLY was. Oh, and by the way I WAS THE LEADER. ME. And ME alone.

[Jman]

Andy Selters "Glacier Travel and Crevasse Rescue": When walking on glacier, stay roped together. Someone falls in crevasse, pull him out.

Nelson and Potterfield "Selected Climbs": Look for the route, it will be tough. Views are great. It will take a long time.

[This message has been edited by Jman (edited 06-29-2001).]

[Dru]

Leavenworth Rock

I did this route with lotsa bolts. Four stars. Jim Yoder did this route with sketchy old bolts. Two skulls. Pat Timson did this route. Hard! Dick Cilley toproped this route. Fred Beckey called this route 5.6 and laybacked it. It's a 5.9 jamcrack now.

[Dru]

quote:

---

Originally posted by willstrickland:

Hey, anybody know where I can read about the Middendorf/Bongard 5.11 soloing on acid as training thing?

---

Its Middendorf and Shipley. Look for the Middendorf profile in Climbing Mag about 8 years ago. also the cosgriff profile in climbing mag about 5 years ago where him and slater did the same thing and had tshirts that said "blotter is my spotter".

 

[Alpine_Tom]

Ultimate High - Goran Kropp

Everyone but me cheats in their climbing, and lies about their ascents. No one appreciates me. Now I'm finished with climbing (see - here's my tick list!) I'm going to straighten out the sailing world next.

[This message has been edited by Alpine Tom (edited 06-29-2001).]

[willstrickland]

A little off topic, but man that Kropp dude is impressive. Ride a bike from scandanavia to everest and then climb it without O's? Makes me feel like a big loser, which of course I am

[Alpine_Tom]

I would have been a lot more impressed if he wasn't such an asshole. I'm a cyclist too, so I read the book with great hopes. First, the dust jacket claims he was only the second person to summit K2 w/o supplimenal oxygen, which is crap. Hell, of the four guys who summited in the first US climb in 78, THREE of them summited w/o oxygen.

And, so much of the book is all about who lied about summiting this or that mountain --Carlos Carsolio didn't actually summit K2; Benoit Chamonix turned around 30 verital feet from the summit of Shisha Pangma, so he cheated too, everyone but Kropp cheated on Everest because they used bottled oxygen or used ropes that others had fixed, or let other people carry their gear. And, gosh, no one appreciates Kropp for being such an honest, upright guy!

Everyone has their own view of "fair means" which may or may not include bottled oxygen, crampons (which were considered bad form on Rainier in the '30s) sherpas, sharing fixed ropes, and a host of other things, but it's one thing to decide for yourself that "By God, this is the way I have to do it, to be right for me" and quite another to spend half your book declaiming how your way is the only objectively fair way, and everyone else is cheating. If nothing else, he's learned so much from the climbers that have come before him, from Mallory to Hillary to Messner, and gained so much from all the high-tech climbing gear, modern weather forecasting, knowledge of high-altitude physiology and nutrition, and other advantages, that his climb has a lot more in common to Sandy Pittman's than to Mallory's.

I'm the first to admit that I likely couldn't make it to the top of Everest if I was short-roped, and I will never bicycle 6000 miles to a climb and back. I certainly respect that grit and determination. But I can't respect his attitude.

[Dru]

He's a pretty funny speaker. 2 hour slide show with 10 slides, everybody laughing...i think his book suffered in translation.

He did ride the train home through Russia though.

[Kyle]

Not a climbing book, but "Endurance" about Shackleton's mother-of-all-epics is an amazing story (I couldn't put it down, & stayed up all night reading it).

"My Vertical World", Jerzy Kukuczka's bio. The writing's pretty clunky, but you come away with a load of respect for those hard-core Polish climbers... they're as tough as they come.

Recently read "A Cambodian Odyssey", by Haing Ngor, who survived some horrible years against long odds during the Khmer Rouge era. Highly recommended.

[Dan_Petersen]

"Endurance". Sail to Antarctic, sink vessel. Keep three malemutes, lifeboat, wool jacket, compass, and knife. Drag boat until you can sail, then use compass to dead reckon a course on the southern ocean to hit the equivalent of Mercer Island. Land on wrong side of island, mountaineer your way to the other side without equipment. Beg for help for the rest of your crew, sail back to pick them all up and go home. Try again following year.

"I would have done better, but I wasn't born yet. Done in adequate style, even though it wasn't me." Goran Kropp, World's Greatest Adventurer

"First Ascent of McKinley". Belmore Brown. Got there first, did not, did too, did not, did too.. etc. Hey, what's that big old lodgepole doin' on the south summit? Must be them damn mushers at it again.

"I would have got there first, too, except I wasn't born yet." Fred Beckey, 007's Older Brother

[Dru]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dan Petersen:

"I would have got there first, too, except I wasn't born yet." Fred Beckey, 007's Older Brother

---

Helmy is 007??????

 

[Dan_Petersen]

No, Sean Connery is really Helmy Beckey. He had to change his name to get more women, as most of the good ones had had experience with Fred and were leery of the name. I think it has worked well for him, don't you?

[Matt]

Peter Hopkirk, "The Great Game"

Great Britain fights the Soviet Union for control of Central Asia in the 19th Century. Afganistan does both countries up the ass.

The title is from Kipling's Kim, "The great game is afoot."

Peter Hopkirk, "Tresspassers on the Roof of the World"

The race to Lhasa, Tibet.

Both of these books cover some real life espionage and exploration from the point of view of a British secret agent.

A must read for anyone going to or interested in Tibet, Pakistan, India, Kyrgistan, Afganistan, Russia, Kazakstan, etc., et al.

[Latch_Holeflaffer]

No Picnic on Mount Kenya by Felice Benuzzi- Bored Italian prisoner of war makes his own gear and escapes from WWII POW camp. They all have an exciting adventure and sneak back into camp.

[pope]

Sherman Exposed.....I can't climb anything over 25 feet, but smaller is better (that's what the girl at the picnic told me), and I think I'd like to do the Eiger.

Rock Jocks, Wall Rats and Hang Dogs.....I may be stupid but I can lift heavy things. Although I'm no longer a player, I've got plenty to say, and if you get the impression I'm the last American hero, then my literary contribution met its objectives.

Lou Whitaker: Memoirs of a Mountain Guide....I followed my brother Jim out of the womb, and I've hated standing in line ever since. I particularly enjoy getting out of these old woolies 'cause I'm a mountain guide: I take care of myself and I'm proud of my body.

[specialed]

I must concur about the "Endurance" as one of the best survival tales ever.

"Eiger: Wall of Death" is a pretty interesting read. Although it reads like a summit log, chronolgy of almost every person who set foot on the face - which gets a little slow. But has some awesome stories about how burly those dudes were. Good history of extreme climbing in the alps. BTW, two of the four men on the first ascent of the mordwand were killed fighting for the Germans in WWII!