To the fathers......

[sobo]

I learned a little ditty from my former climbing partner who got "kidded up" before I did (hence the "former" appelation):

 

(Every toy) "Starts out as a hammer; ends up as a rattle. Except drumsticks!"

[kevbone]

Almost fathers day again. My son is only waking up one or two times a night now.....instead of ten times.

[ken4ord]

Ha ha ha sucker, little Simone still sleeps through the night. I hope we will be just as lucky with a second someday.

 

[kevbone]

We are having a second in Oct....hopefully things will be different. Hopefully!

[pink_chalk]

How about some latest pics in celebration of Father's Day. Post em!

 

 

[denalidave]

We are having a second in Oct....hopefully things will be different. Hopefully!

Our first one took much longer than the second to get to sleep all night. It is best for everyone if you just let em scream it out for a day or two when they are young so they learn to sleep alone and be more independent. Once you let them cry it out, it will only take a day or three and they will sleep all night long, for the most part anyway.

 

Even now, putting our oldest (almost 5) to bed is a much more complicated theatrical procedure but the youngest (just turned 3) is so easy. She is half asleep before I even tuck her in, all because we trained her early by letting her go to sleep on her own.

 

Good luck with the next one... We just gradumanatd out of diapers a few months ago - WOW! When we decided to have kids, nobody ever told me that potty training was going to be the most exciting thing in our future. Monumental step of progress for our clan. Now what?

 

[ken4ord]

I don't know about that, there was nothing special we did for Simone she was naturally a good sleeper. I just think in general, some kids just sleep better than others. There is some training involved, but I think most it is either they are or aren't good at sleeping.

 

I can't wait for a diaper free future. That will be nice.

[sobo]

I'm with ken4 on this one, denali. Our son (now 5) always falls asleep as soon as he hits the pillow. Been that way almost since Day 1. OTOH, our daughter (now 3) won't close her eyes until everyone else is already in bed and the lights are off. It almost seems like she's afraid she'll miss out on someting cool going on. It may be that we adopted our son at 5 months of age, and he always knew just us. We adopted our daughter at 14 months of age, so she had a somewhat different upbringing in those first crucial months of attachment/bonding. We actually think she has abandonment issues, which might be why she waits until everyone else is down for the night before her battery dies.

 

And getting the kids out of diapers was like a $50/month raise.

[ericb]

I don't know about that, there was nothing special we did for Simone she was naturally a good sleeper. I just think in general, some kids just sleep better than others. There is some training involved, but I think most it is either they are or aren't good at sleeping.

 

I can't wait for a diaper free future. That will be nice.

 

me thinks KB is in the attachement parenting camp, and might be sharing the bed with the parents. My little dude would most assuredly be getting up several times throughout the night if he was sleeping next to me

 

KB....true or false?

[kevbone]

We are having a second in Oct....hopefully things will be different. Hopefully!

Our first one took much longer than the second to get to sleep all night. It is best for everyone if you just let em scream it out for a day or two when they are young so they learn to sleep alone and be more independent. Once you let them cry it out, it will only take a day or three and they will sleep all night long, for the most part anyway.

 

Even now, putting our oldest (almost 5) to bed is a much more complicated theatrical procedure but the youngest (just turned 3) is so easy. She is half asleep before I even tuck her in, all because we trained her early by letting her go to sleep on her own.

 

Good luck with the next one... We just gradumanatd out of diapers a few months ago - WOW! When we decided to have kids, nobody ever told me that potty training was going to be the most exciting thing in our future. Monumental step of progress for our clan. Now what?

 

 

That’s not how we decided to raise our children. Letting them cry is out is good for the parents but terrible (IMO) for the child. I would never want him to feel abandoned. Anyway……..my goal has always been for him to wake up one to two times a night……we are finally there and he did it on his own. He used to wake up 10 times a night…….sometimes when he was sick he would wake up every 45 minutes. We have come so far……now we are about to go through is again with number two….how exciting. I will try to post some new pictures.

[kevbone]

 

KB....true or false?

 

 

Very much true. Matter of fact we try our best to not let him cry for anything. We don’t use the work “no” with him either. Seems to be working. He does not throw tantrums…..at all! Basically we try our hardest to all be meeting his needs.

[denalidave]

I'm with ken4 on this one, denali. Our son (now 5) always falls asleep as soon as he hits the pillow. Been that way almost since Day 1. OTOH, our daughter (now 3) won't close her eyes until everyone else is already in bed and the lights are off. It almost seems like she's afraid she'll miss out on someting cool going on. It may be that we adopted our son at 5 months of age, and he always knew just us. We adopted our daughter at 14 months of age, so she had a somewhat different upbringing in those first crucial months of attachment/bonding. We actually think she has abandonment issues, which might be why she waits until everyone else is down for the night before her battery dies.

 

And getting the kids out of diapers was like a $50/month raise.

yeah, I took 2 huge boxes of diapers back to costco and had a shit-eat'n grin as they gave me $80 or whatever it was.

 

I do know that for us, the second child is much easier to deal with in many ways. I fully credit that to the better parenting habits of both myself and my wife. I'm sure they both have plenty of unique differences about personality and behaviors but coddling and giving into a kids every demand (like my wife tended to do with our 1st child) is not helping the child in the long run. Sure, kids need plenty of love, reassurance and support but they also need to learn to entertain and calm themselves down too (IMHO).

[sobo]

I'm with ken4 on this one, denali. Our son (now 5) always falls asleep as soon as he hits the pillow. Been that way almost since Day 1. OTOH, our daughter (now 3) won't close her eyes until everyone else is already in bed and the lights are off. It almost seems like she's afraid she'll miss out on someting cool going on. It may be that we adopted our son at 5 months of age, and he always knew just us. We adopted our daughter at 14 months of age, so she had a somewhat different upbringing in those first crucial months of attachment/bonding. We actually think she has abandonment issues, which might be why she waits until everyone else is down for the night before her battery dies.

 

And getting the kids out of diapers was like a $50/month raise.

yeah, I took 2 huge boxes of diapers back to costco and had a shit-eat'n grin as they gave me $80 or whatever it was.

 

I do know that for us, the second child is much easier to deal with in many ways. I fully credit that to the better parenting habits of both myself and my wife. I'm sure they both have plenty of unique differences about personality and behaviors but coddling and giving into a kids every demand (like my wife tended to do with our 1st child) is not helping the child in the long run. Sure, kids need plenty of love, reassurance and support but they also need to learn to entertain and calm themselves down too (IMHO).

 

I agree with you on this; my wife was the same coddling way. Worked fine until they got to taking advantage of her, like they will at about 2 or 3 years old, once they figure out how things work and how to play the heartstringed instrument. Learning "no" at 3 years old is a tough duty for both kids and parents. It's awful late to be getting that education. My daughter is in Remedial No class right now. It's been tough...

 

...Matter of fact we try our best to not let him cry for anything. We don’t use the work “no” with him either. Seems to be working. He does not throw tantrums…..at all! Basically we try our hardest to all be meeting his needs.

So how old is Miles now, Kevin? Year and a half or so? That's still working good for you - great. We'll check back in another year or so and see how well that's working for ya then, m'kay? My son never threw a tantrum until about a year ago. That put him at 4.5 years old then. He saw how well his little sister's tantrums were working with Mommy, so now he's attempting to add that weapon to his arsenal. It don't work with Daddy, tho...

[rob]

My daughter is in Remedial No class right now. It's been tough...

 

My daughter is in that same class. She's 5. Her mother was way too coddling, fulfilling every need, etc. Now, it's a nightmare. But, I'm in charge now, so that's been put to a stop.

 

It's been rough, but she's getting the picture. Watch out, Kev, you're setting yourself up!

[kevbone]

Watch out, Kev, you're setting yourself up!

 

for good times.

[rob]

Watch out, Kev, you're setting yourself up!

 

for good times.

 

 

Matter of fact we try our best to not let him cry for anything. We don’t use the work “no” with him either. Seems to be working. He does not throw tantrums…..at all!

 

Of course if you give a kid everything they want, and never say the word no, they won't throw any tantrums. Duh.

 

My little girl is the sweetest thing ever if she gets exactly what she wants, when she wants it.

 

I hope you guys have lots of money! Because he's going to start asking for lots of things, and if you can't say no, you better be willing to shell out!

 

Good luck with that, though.

 

[kevbone]

I did not say we give him everything he wants. I said we try our hardest to meet his needs. There is a difference. And instead of saying "No" dont play with that.....we go over and talk to him about why its not time to play with that and try to distract him.

[sobo]

I did not say we give him everything he wants. I said we try our hardest to meet his needs. There is a difference. And instead of saying "No" dont play with that.....we go over and talk to him about why its not time to play with that and try to distract him.

That works fine now, for his age range. That ain't gonna work so well in a year or two - kids aren't stupid. I've been there with two kids already, both of them raised in the same style as your Miles. I'm just sayin'... But hey, good luck with that.

[ericb]

I did not say we give him everything he wants. I said we try our hardest to meet his needs. There is a difference. And instead of saying "No" dont play with that.....we go over and talk to him about why its not time to play with that and try to distract him.

That works fine now, for his age range. That ain't gonna work so well in a year or two - kids aren't stupid. I've been there with two kids already, both of them raised in the same style as your Miles. I'm just sayin'... But hey, good luck with that.

 

Talking about parenting philosphy on a climbing BB.....if our wives could see us now!

[kevbone]

 

Talking about parenting philosphy on a climbing BB.....if our wives could see us now!

 

No shit! I love this thread......

[sobo]

Talking about parenting philosphy on a climbing BB.....if our wives could see us now!

Yeah, if they knew we posted in a forum called "Cafe' Sensitivioso", I'd think they would have a heart attack.

[rob]

 

Talking about parenting philosphy on a climbing BB.....if our wives could see us now!

 

No shit! I love this thread......

 

right, cause women are the de facto experts on child rearing

[denalidave]

 

KB....true or false?

 

 

Very much true. Matter of fact we try our best to not let him cry for anything. We don’t use the work “no” with him either. Seems to be working. He does not throw tantrums…..at all! Basically we try our hardest to all be meeting his needs.

I certainly understand the concept that kids hear the word no to much and I am just as guilty as the next parent of using it way to much myself. However, how can you go through life without some form of the word no... Daddy, can I play with this loaded gun? I wanna put my hand in hand in that fire... Whether you use the actual word, no, or some other form of it, it is essential to communicate. So if I just give my kid whatever she wants when she cries, what am I teaching that child? Oh, I get my way when I cry hard enough. (Not saying that is what you do though Kev.) There are plenty of times when consoling a crying child is the right thing to do, ie - fall down w/an ouwie or any other various things but that is much different than coddling a child just because they are crying and rewarding a child for crying.

 

All the "experts" will agree, and I agree too with first hand experience, that children need firm boundaries and will actually appreciate you more as a parent when you set such boundaries and stick with them. When we let our children do whatever, whenever, it demonstrates to the child that the parents really don't care enough to to do what is best for the child. I'm not saying that kids understand this on a conscious level but I really have seen it work, not only in my situation but with other parents/kids too.

[rob]

You can't go through life without crying for something. That's just not how the world works. Why teach a kid otherwise? IMO, it seems like that sets the kid up for a lot of disappointment later.

[kevbone]

 

KB....true or false?

 

 

Very much true. Matter of fact we try our best to not let him cry for anything. We don’t use the work “no” with him either. Seems to be working. He does not throw tantrums…..at all! Basically we try our hardest to all be meeting his needs.

I certainly understand the concept that kids hear the word no to much and I am just as guilty as the next parent of using it way to much myself. However, how can you go through life without some form of the word no... Daddy, can I play with this loaded gun? I wanna put my hand in hand in that fire... Whether you use the actual word, no, or some other form of it, it is essential to communicate. So if I just give my kid whatever she wants when she cries, what am I teaching that child? Oh, I get my way when I cry hard enough. (Not saying that is what you do though Kev.) There are plenty of times when consoling a crying child is the right thing to do, ie - fall down w/an ouwie or any other various things but that is much different than coddling a child just because they are crying and rewarding a child for crying.

 

All the "experts" will agree, and I agree too with first hand experience, that children need firm boundaries and will actually appreciate you more as a parent when you set such boundaries and stick with them. When we let our children do whatever, whenever, it demonstrates to the child that the parents really don't care enough to to do what is best for the child. I'm not saying that kids understand this on a conscious level but I really have seen it work, not only in my situation but with other parents/kids too.

 

 

Who are the experts you are referring too?

 

I try my hardest to not use the word no with my child. That is not to say I don’t communicate no to him….just like you referenced above. “Miles if you touch the fire you will get burned”…..or for some parents “no” don’t touch that! I certainly don’t let my son do whatever whenever, he has serious structure to his day. He wakes up at the same time every day. Takes a nap same time and bed at the same time.

 

I do give him a WIDE birth when out and about and at the house.……I just follow him around and let him explore and make sure he does not hurt himself. I try my hardest to talk to him before I pick him up or transition him to something else. Even as a baby I would tell him I was going to pick him up to go change his diapers before I touched him……

 

I think a lot of tantrum behaviors have formed in kids because of the parental “boundaries” and “agendas” parents place on there children.

 

 

I believe (to comment on something you said a while ago today) you train a pet and guide your child.