denalidave Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 KB....true or false? Very much true. Matter of fact we try our best to not let him cry for anything. We don’t use the work “no” with him either. Seems to be working. He does not throw tantrums…..at all! Basically we try our hardest to all be meeting his needs. I certainly understand the concept that kids hear the word no to much and I am just as guilty as the next parent of using it way to much myself. However, how can you go through life without some form of the word no... Daddy, can I play with this loaded gun? I wanna put my hand in hand in that fire... Whether you use the actual word, no, or some other form of it, it is essential to communicate. So if I just give my kid whatever she wants when she cries, what am I teaching that child? Oh, I get my way when I cry hard enough. (Not saying that is what you do though Kev.) There are plenty of times when consoling a crying child is the right thing to do, ie - fall down w/an ouwie or any other various things but that is much different than coddling a child just because they are crying and rewarding a child for crying. All the "experts" will agree, and I agree too with first hand experience, that children need firm boundaries and will actually appreciate you more as a parent when you set such boundaries and stick with them. When we let our children do whatever, whenever, it demonstrates to the child that the parents really don't care enough to to do what is best for the child. I'm not saying that kids understand this on a conscious level but I really have seen it work, not only in my situation but with other parents/kids too. Who are the experts you are referring too? I try my hardest to not use the word no with my child. That is not to say I don’t communicate no to him….just like you referenced above. “Miles if you touch the fire you will get burned”…..or for some parents “no” don’t touch that! I certainly don’t let my son do whatever whenever, he has serious structure to his day. He wakes up at the same time every day. Takes a nap same time and bed at the same time. I do give him a WIDE birth when out and about and at the house.……I just follow him around and let him explore and make sure he does not hurt himself. I try my hardest to talk to him before I pick him up or transition him to something else. Even as a baby I would tell him I was going to pick him up to go change his diapers before I touched him…… I think a lot of tantrum behaviors have formed in kids because of the parental “boundaries” and “agendas” parents place on there children. I believe (to comment on something you said a while ago today) you train a pet and guide your child. Call it training or guiding but the principle is the same. My point is to be consistent with whatever form of child rearing. I see to many parents just let their kids walk all over them and all the parents do is keep threatening some sort of penalty/punishment that is never followed through. I think the child ends up feeling less loved by those type of actions than a parent that cares enough to keep a child "in-line". It is never easy but we all do the best we can with the skills we have learned and inherited. By the way, when I say punishment, I don't automatically mean beating a child, although there are rare occasions when I gentle spanking is in order. That said, I can count on one hand the number of time either of my kids actually got a spanking in the past several years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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