[TR] Mt Hood- Der Kindermord-Wand 5/13/2006

[ivan]

Climb: Mt Hood-Der Kindermord-Wand

 

Date of Climb: 5/13/2006

 

Trip Report:

recently i've been feeling like a little puss in a skirt since, since i last climbed, sky's like fucking climbed everything and skied it whilst eating a goddamn popsicle - therefore this past day i quietly stacked the corpses of my entire family in the basement like cord wood and slipped off to try to Be Totally Fucking Hardcore as well - unhelpful in this endeavor was the fact that every single potential-partner i contacted was already full-on committed to the process of lubbing-up their randy johnsons for conjugating unholy matrimony w/ their mamas tomorrow. ah well, a sky-aspirant easily morphs to the solo-trip...

 

headed up the north side of hood w/ the hope of not seeing a damn soul - decided i'd tolerate at least one person when i smelled the smoke of a wood fire near the tilly-jane cabin at 2 a.m. - what the hell is it about the smell of a camp fire that makes you just wanna don a goalie-mask and just get intimate w/ your machete? alas i had to continue shivering slowly uphill...

 

knew it was gonna be a warm day but hoped to do a north face route anyhow if only i could, like my hero-role-model, be not a torpid pud-fuck and get to the gullies before sun-up - failed miserably. as the heat began to build decided to just head for the taint-region betwixt the cooper spur and the left gully of the north face - since i've never heard an un-stupid name for this area i've attached my own - if you don't like this you should avail thyself of thy second amendment rights and rid The Clan of your unholy presence For The Common Good. Any WW1 history buff oughta agree this is a fine moniker (hitler too, for that matter) - it's no place for children.

 

if you are one of those sad people who read such reports for actual kernels of information then suppose i oughta share that now - the tj trail is mostly snow covered currently - rock hard ice in the wee hours but horrendous slop in the afternoon. the elliot glacier is still mostly covered, thogh the shrund guarding the n face gullies looks like a big pain in the ass now - who cares? there was tons of shit pouring down it after 8 a.m. today so i was glad i steered left of them. the shrund on the sunshine route also looks now as if it can only be passed on the far right.

 

a fine day in the sun - haven't slept much this past week so decided to catch up at tie-in rock on the way down - discovered my gore-tex in fact is workign when used it as a pillow and woke up to discover a lake of my own salivia quietly undulating to the universal frequency of love

 

i'm out of beer now so i gotta end this weak diatribe - i'll have to try harder next time (did at least manage a standing glissade of The Spur)- i currently feel very unworthy of my most patient master, though in his honor i did have a tall boy of pabst while sitting aroudn the parking lot judging my fellow alpinist's taste in polypro - WEAK! JESUS!

 

uh...hmmm...

 

Gear Notes:

lots of goo

 

Approach Notes:

The Middle Way

[Couloir]

Bravo!! Outstanding TR Eric!

 

(Hope the "cord wood" survived your absense)

[billcoe]

This is good stuff dude! Real good.

 

Not sure what all of it meant though, but can tell it's good:

 

For instance:

used it as a pillow and woke up to discover a lake of my own salivia quietly undulating to the universal frequency of love

 

 

 

btw: I was in Germany for a bit, and I think that "Der Kindermord-Wand" might actually translate to "Dead Children wall".

 

You haven't been locked in a closet watching "The Shining" on continous loop again have you?

Edited May 14, 2006 by billcoe

[ivan]

the details...

dead chilluns off deustche

[RogerJ]

See my lost and found ad for additional references

 

Nice report... I felt like I was there

 

-r

[John Frieh]

 

i did have a tall boy of pabst while sitting aroudn the parking lot judging my fellow alpinist's taste in polypro - WEAK! JESUS!

 

When I first read that I thought you said you stood around in the Tline parking lot in just your polypro drinking a tall boy

 

The best part is I can totally see you doing that

[skykilo]

[billcoe]

Tracks could have been bigfoot ?

[skykilo]

Looks like a helluva $ki route, E!

[zaugg]

that's because it is.

[ivan]

sweet - yeah, those were my tracks - an older set are no longer visible but crossed mine at one point and went further right for the top constriction of the left gully - looked like it blew saturday.

 

a final remark - holy shit the approach up the elliot in winter/spring conditions is a titanic improvement on picking your way up through every possible size of bullshit rubble dusted by snow in early fall! that fall freeze on the gullies is way more ideal though...