The Best of Trask

[Toast]

When someone lets a real stinker go in a meeting or an elevator, is it acceptable to inquire, "All right. Who farted?"

[Toast]

Okay, here's another one.

 

Dear Trask:

 

I have an odd problem. Lately guys always ask me out online, but they don't really mean it. Each time I fall for it. Recently, one guy asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said yes because I do. Then he replied with "I was just kidding. I'm guessing that happens a lot to you, doesn't it?" It was so mean and sudden, I had no time to think of a good comeback. Then another time this other guy was talking to me about his friend he said "my friend thinks you're hot, but I have no idea why." Again I had to comeback. If you could offer me a few, I would appreciate it. Thanx.

 

Kitten

 

Kitten, perplexed pea-brained puppy:

 

Good Lord! Why don't modems come with mandatory IQ testing? Really, I should sue modem manufacturers for the damage inflicted on my IQ by having to read idiotic PM's like yours. That being said, let's address your inconsequential 'problem.' Basically, you are overly-sensitive to the vagaries of the libidos and dalliances of others. In words you can understand without tilting your head, squinting at your screen, and mouthing the words: you need to toughen up. Besides, why are you flirting with other guys if you have a boyfriend? What does it matter if no-one applies for a vacancy that doesn't exist? Do you place ads in newspapers selling a car that you don't own, and then complain when no-one replies; or replies, but isn't interested? Child, you are as devoid of logic as a comatose crackhead. Anyway, if the issue is a mild slight to your attractiveness, retort like-for-like with: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder: which is why your parents had their eyelids sewn shut" or "They say beauty is skin deep: I guess you must have really thick skin." Those are rather ladylike. If the issue is guys being assholes, then go for the jugular. A sharp conversation stopper would be: "Anyway, I better let you get back to trying to crack that triple-combination padlock on your mother's panty drawers. By the way, she really doesn't believe you when you tell her you accidentally spilled ice cream on her panties." or "You should put a lump of coal in your bottom drawer; and by the time you found a woman willing to sleep with you, you'll have a diamond for the ring." Aww, climbers in lurve.

 

I hope this helps,

 

Trask

[ScottP]

"Logan

 

2005-08-01, 4:51 pm

 

 

"smh" <smhong@mindspring.com> wrote in message

news:42EE852E.304C57B5@mindspring.com...

> Logan (Schmuck) whimpered:

>

> How long has it been since your momie loved you in a special way?

> Doesn't she roll ova for you anymore?

Good Lord! Why don't modems come with mandatory IQ testing? Really, I should

sue modem manufacturers for the damage inflicted on my IQ by having to read

_*idiotic* posts like yours. That being said, let's address your

inconsequential 'problem.' Basically, you are overly-sensitive to the

vagaries of the libidos and dalliances of others. In words you can

understand without tilting your head, squinting at your screen, and mouthing

the words: you need to toughen up. Besides, why are you flirting with me if

you have a boyfriend"

 

 

 

from here

[Off_White]

That the "Best of Trask" was items he lifted whole cloth from other sources is no secret to the discerning. When he wrote his own material, that's when he tended to run aground.

[Mos_Chillin]

short but sweet

 

[EWolfe]

I miss simple male idiocy, irregardless.

[EWolfe]

We DO have Griz though....

[Toast]

Bring back Cavey... "you got a problem with my dog?"

[billcoe]

Well, you posted both of Trasks good posts.

 

End of story?

[G-spotter]

http://www.cascadeclimbers.com/threadz/showthreaded.php/Cat/0/Number/299168/an/0/page/230/vc/1