G-spotter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Maude: What do you do for recreation? The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback. Quote
ivan Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 "i like you dude - i like your style; there's just one thing - do you have to use so many curse words?" "what the fuck are you talking about?" Quote
ALLCAPS Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 HERE IS THE WHOLE DAMN SCRIPT! NOW STFU PEOPLE!!! JEEZUS!!!! Quote
Ireneo_Funes Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 hey thanks allcaps! THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. Quote
G-spotter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 MAUDE I like it too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy. DUDE Oh, no. Quote
David Trippett Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 HERE IS THE WHOLE DAMN SCRIPT! NOW STFU PEOPLE!!! JEEZUS!!!! Calmer than you.... Quote
jordop Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE! Smokey: Huh? Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line that's a foul. Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude. Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame. Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude. Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. Quote
jordop Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh... Donny: I am the walrus. The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say... Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch... Donny: I am the walrus. Walter Sobchak: shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Illanich Uleninov! Quote
ivan Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh... Donny: I am the walrus. The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say... Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch... Donny: I am the walrus. Walter Sobchak: shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Illanich Uleninov! hey! no quoting that which is already quoted- do yer job n' read the whole thread first! Quote
knotzen Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 hey! no quoting that which is already quoted- do yer job n' read the whole thread first! Quote
knotzen Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 This thread is *almost* as bad as Squid's War and Peace threadology. Quote
ScottP Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 HERE IS THE WHOLE DAMN SCRIPT! NOW STFU PEOPLE!!! JEEZUS!!!! Quote
Mos_Chillin Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 HERE IS THE WHOLE DAMN SCRIPT! NOW STFU PEOPLE!!! JEEZUS!!!! What a buzz-kill. How is life with you, linking everyone's creative/retrospective license? The new PP! Quote
Mos_Chillin Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 Is it just me, or is that sexy? Tongue on balls, Dude. Quote
ivan Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 a man once wiser than myself once said "sometimes you eat the ball and sometimes - well sometimes the ball eats you" Quote
John Frieh Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 If you have ever wondered what it would be like to climb with Ivan just read this thread over and over non stop for the number of hours you would expect to approach the route. This will give you a fairly good idea. Here's to you my tall talkative friend Quote
ALLCAPS Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 ME AND BRO BRAH GOT TO SPLIT A SPLIFF SOMETIME. Quote
John Frieh Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Now everyone understands the real reason Mikey medicated before the approach to NST Quote
Mos_Chillin Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 I heard the other way... SomEone was puffin' tough! Quote
Mos_Chillin Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 speaking of which... Ivan is certainly a presence to be reckoned with from my singular B-Ham, post-Nooksack PubClub encounter. REALZ. Quote
ivan Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 i wasn't the one challeng'n a fucked-junkie to a postbar throw down though! shit spreaka'n - i forgot that as one my for-tay's for that other thread! the only thang i can do int he alpine proper but back to The Dude... Quote
Mos_Chillin Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 "At least he's housebroken" ( or similar... ) Quote
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