I am the snaffle assassin!

[archenemy]

Actually, I have a very funny story about that.

[Fonspa]

Lets hear it.

[archenemy]

o

[archenemy]

k

[olyclimber]

on the third day of my summer vacation

[archenemy]

So, I am at a buddy's house, and there is a snaffle who had moved into the tree right beside the house. This tree supports the birdfeeder, but the birds don't want to come get their chow because the krewlskwerl won't share.

Does this bug me? Nope. Why not? Because I don't really like birds all that much anyway. However, what does bug me is the fact that this friggen snaffle makes the most obnoxious noise whenever a hungry bird gets close to the tree. Actually, it sounds the alarm whenever anyone gets close to the tree. The tree is right by the deck, bbq, socializing area, etc; so it is impossible to avoid pissing of the noisy snafflespeaker. Does such a small-seeming irritation warrent a hunt? No, not really. Kinda. Maybe. But lemme tell ya what pushed me over the edge...

That little bastard started squeeking, chirping, and sqawking at my dog. I am telling you that the little snafflebrat was threatening my dog (who, by the way, is only about 7lbs). I figured that was enough to justify a killing.

I borrow a handy little .22 longrifle right then and there and shot the noisey little fucker right outta the tree.

My buddy comes and looks over the edge of the deck and sees that the target is writhing in its last snafflethroes. Buddy walks into the house (a gentle soul intending to lessen the snafflesuffering) to get another bullet.

I jump off the deck and hover over the snafflebody. My buddy comes back with a bullet in his hand and sees that I am standing with the barrel of the gun in my hand. I had just finished crushing the snafflebastard's head in with the butt of the gun.

"Well, I guess that's more economical" says my buddy.

"Yup", says I.

 

Moral of the story:

Never piss off white trash.

[Fonspa]

Clint initiated this post. I think he has skwerl problems. Why hasn't anyone offered any constructive advice? Could it be that you are all unconcerned dickheads? May a thousand skwerls descend upon you and your posessions. Snide one liners won't solve the rat problems.

[archenemy]

No comment on my literary work?

 

You thankless prick.

[Squid]

I'm not so sure about all this speed-snaffle-sniping. Do you have verification?

Who is this so-called 'friend'?

These are serious questions that undermine your whole 'story.'

 

 

 

edited to remove hideous grammar

Edited August 31, 2005 by Squid

[barjor]

Well my plans for hanging out outside your house in a tree at night are canceled. As long as they are not to loud I don't mind if they mess with the dogs. Keeps the dogs entertained.

[Fonspa]

Thanks for sharing Arch. The damn things have no redeeming characteristics and that's a fact!

[Ireneo_Funes]

Some of you are going to be serial killers when you grow up, I'm afraid.

[archenemy]

Its only a hobby

[Fonspa]

A serial killer. That implies something monstrous. I don't even kill all the skwerls. I just thin out the over population so the remaining rats can live a happy life enjoying what is now abundancy.

[Kraken]

Props on your squirrel kill Arch. No mercy!

[Kitergal]

Arch...I would have never pegged you as one with a 7 lb dog. I always invisioned a 100+ pounder!!

[Fonspa]

Small dogs can be very tenacious. I used to be a mailman. That's how I refined my climbing skills.

[sobo]

I wish they'd let mailmen/women refine their marksmenship skills on little yip-dogs instead...

[espirita]

 

I hate kickdogs.

[sobo]

That's a good nickname for them.

You can just drop-kick 'em into oncoming traffic.

[archenemy]

How original.

 

Fortunately, I don't need a big dog.

I am the biggest bitch you'll meet. No dog required.

[sobo]

And a black, climbing bitch to boot!

[archenemy]

once you...

[Fonspa]

I had an aunt in Texas. All her sisters called her "big dog". What do you suppose they meant?

[Dechristo]

maybe because she dined from a dish on the floor and drank from the toilet