Chasing the moment

[Wallstein]

The chasing numbers thread got me thinkin about what I am chasing. What I am really chasing is the moment. The moment when there is nothing else, no past, no future, just now. Right now. I have a hard time getting there. Its a bright light drawing me closer but usually to intense to look at. I glimpse into the light often. Rarely can I keep my focus on it though. Doubt, the future and my ego find a way into my head. I freak out. I overgripp. I fall. I am not ready. Why was there doubt? Why should i doubt myself. I am capable of anything. The future distracts me. My ego doesn't want me to fall. It doesn't matter if I fall. Thats not what its about. But my ego tells me it is about that. Am I so programmed that my ego only feels good when I don't fall? My ego gets in the way. Fuck my ego. I don't want to feel good. I don't want to feel bad. I don't care. I want to look into the light. I want to forget about it all. Uninterupted life right now. Action and reaction in my environment without doubt, without fear, without control. Thats what I chase.

 

Two weeks ago I lived the moment. I climbed with nothing inside me. I gave it all up. No expectations. No Fear. No past. No future. No doubt. Move after move I didn't think, I acted. I absorbed everything. I looked right into the light, as focused as I have ever been in life. Every movement planned yet totally unplanned. I noticed everything. The colors of the rock, the smell in the air, the setting sun, the slight breeze, the sweat on my forehead, the chalk in my eyes, the connection to my partner through my rope, the connection to the rock with my hands feet and mind. The experience maybe lasted 20 minutes but I couldn't tell for sure. I had no orientation with the past or future. I do know it was all just fleeting. I got to the top and the moment was gone, everything came rushing back into my head. Tears rolled, my muscles swelled, and my heart throbbed. For a moment the desire was filled and for how long I do not know. That is what I chase.

[Szyjakowski]

go get drunk you psycho...

hah! really now, very well writen.

[sk]

The chasing numbers thread got me thinkin about what I am chasing. What I am really chasing is the moment. The moment when there is nothing else, no past, no future, just now. Right now. I have a hard time getting there. Its a bright light drawing me closer but usually to intense to look at. I glimpse into the light often. Rarely can I keep my focus on it though. Doubt, the future and my ego find a way into my head. I freak out. I overgripp. I fall. I am not ready. Why was there doubt? Why should i doubt myself. I am capable of anything. The future distracts me. My ego doesn't want me to fall. It doesn't matter if I fall. Thats not what its about. But my ego tells me it is about that. Am I so programmed that my ego only feels good when I don't fall? My ego gets in the way. Fuck my ego. I don't want to feel good. I don't want to feel bad. I don't care. I want to look into the light. I want to forget about it all. Uninterupted life right now. Action and reaction in my environment without doubt, without fear, without control. Thats what I chase.

 

Two weeks ago I lived the moment. I climbed with nothing inside me. I gave it all up. No expectations. No Fear. No past. No future. No doubt. Move after move I didn't think, I acted. I absorbed everything. I looked right into the light, as focused as I have ever been in life. Every movement planned yet totally unplanned. I noticed everything. The colors of the rock, the smell in the air, the setting sun, the slight breeze, the sweat on my forehead, the chalk in my eyes, the connection to my partner through my rope, the connection to the rock with my hands feet and mind. The experience maybe lasted 20 minutes but I couldn't tell for sure. I had no orientation with the past or future. I do know it was all just fleeting. I got to the top and the moment was gone, everything came rushing back into my head. Tears rolled, my muscles swelled, and my heart throbbed. For a moment the desire was filled and for how long I do not know. That is what I chase.

THAT is beautiful. I lost that somewhere along the way and I have been struggeling to find it agfain this summer. cheers to you

[Dru]

[Bug]

The sea is ever changing. Each moment is it's own destiny.

[chelle]

inspiring reading there Wallstein. Thanks. Keep chasing the moment and enjoy it when you find it. It sounds like you are closer than you think.

[Ed_Seedhouse]

> The chasing numbers thread got me thinkin about what I

> am chasing. What I am really chasing is the moment. The

> moment when there is nothing else, no past, no future,

> just now.

 

Futile. First, if you think about it, actually every moment is like that anyway and, second, the harder you try to find it the more you push it away.

[Dru]

false.

[Greg_W]

Wallstein;

 

That feeling is what many are looking for. I've noticed, for me recently, it's been harder to find. Being harder to find, it negatively impacts my motivation to chase it. It's a viscious circle. For the first time, I'm struggling with summoning the drive, the desire, the hunger, that used to propel me to push myself, seek the edge, and enter that zone that you describe. The mountains will always be there, the routes will stay on my list, I'll climb them when I'm ready. Until then, I'll keep looking, climbing routes I know and love, and remembering that feeling.

[Ireneo_Funes]

Very nice, Wallstein.

 

It's easy to forget why we do this, and to get caught up in tick lists, resumes, pointless competition... all the usual egotistical and materialistic bullshit. It's good to step back from that and just enjoy the moment for what it is.

[lummox]

gay acting straight man?

[CascadeClimber]

Bravo!

 

A friend once told me that life is best measured not in moments of time, but in timeless moments. Sounds like you had one.

 

Pure presence in the moment is where it's at for me. Oneness.

 

Here's what I know:

Giving chase doesn't work: It can't be caught, nor can you find it while giving chase.

Wanting it doesn't work. Wanting only begets more wanting.

Expecting it doesn't work: It knows nothing of expectations.

It's not a place: It's nowhere and everywhere at once.

You can't get there some time: It's timeless; a space where I can and do notice everything with ease.

It is a space without fear or bravado: They imply thought of the future.

 

I have to not worry or care about about getting to that space while simultaneously knowing that I can. It's involuntary, like blinking or breathing, and beyond confidence. Manifest destiny with calm indifference.

 

 

-L

[To_The_Top]

inspiring reading there Wallstein. Thanks. Keep chasing the moment and enjoy it when you find it. It sounds like you are closer than you think.

Right on, thats grabbing the moment

What chelle said

[Cairns]

The moment when there is nothing else, no past, no future,

 

Ha. I see people on night shift all the time who have no past and no future. A nice place to visit, but

 

 

Graham Greene's brother Raymond was a climber and wrote an autobiography called Moments of Being. He claims he was asked to kill Aleister Crowley but when he found him it was a big disappointment: all the satanic one would talk about was climbing.

[tread_tramp]

Cairns...I don't imagine Raymond Greene was any ways near the writer his brother was, but is moments of being a good read?

[thrutch]

Mike musta got laid

 

[Dru]

i experienced nearly two hours of timelessness today because the helicopter was late.

[Szyjakowski]

Mike musta got laid

 

[Cairns]

Cairns...I don't imagine Raymond Greene was any ways near the writer his brother was, but is moments of being a good read?

 

Some put-downs of Evelyn Waugh, an approach to N. side of Everest, some amusing anecdotes, for example: As a university student, Greene buys a car from someone who tells him, "All the necessary tools are in the boot[trunk]." When the car has trouble, Greene goes for the tools and finds only a corkscrew and condoms.