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Condorphamine: OMFG!


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don't know who told him about the route, but he somehow got his mind set on it. I was a bit surprised that he wanted to climb a [cough]overbolted[/cough] "alpine" sport route, but what the hell.

 

Hey Alpinefox, just curious, did Fred make any comments about the route being overbolted?

 

Sounds like fun, what a ropegun!

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Nope, Fred didn't say anything about it being overbolted. He seemed to like the route as far as I could tell, though he thought the approach/climbing ratio was a little high. He has told me that he is not too fond of climbing in the Icicle in general because of all the driving in between the crags required. He is pretty reserved with his praise for climbs in general, although he did say that Serenity/Sons of Yesterday crack in Yos is "fabulous". Everything else is, "OK" or "it's alright" or, if he really likes it, "pretty fun".

 

I think Fred's favorite type of climbing these days involves ski-planing or helicoptering to the base of a (relatively easy) unclimbed route or mountain and sending it. He showed me some pictures from his "black book", which is really just a box full of fedex folders and manilla envelopes full of AAJ articles, pictures, slides, and route descriptions; he's got a lot of projects lined up! You ain't heard the last of Mr. Beckey!

 

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fredbot.jpg

 

Fredbot

 

Fredbot is the highly refined, waterproof, mil-spec, outdoor-use version of the widely available indoor-only Sendbot. Fredbot features include:

  • Fredbot Digestive System: Eats snaffle, slide alder, and devils club, craps manila hemp.
     
  • Fredbot Eyes: Can easily distinguish between the obvious gully and the obviously not obvious gully. Can see through white-outs and ground fog, especially to find your girlfriend (see Fredbot Pits).
     
  • Fredbot Pits: Exude copious amounts of Fredbot pheromomones, combines with Fredbot Skin to make Fredbot irrestible to your girlfriend.
     
  • Fredbot Chalk Bag: Crafted from snaffle skin left over from last night's dinner, filled with snaffle bone ground to fine powder by Fredbot Teeth.
     
  • Fredbot Feet: Soles tougher than Vibram, more sticky than Stealth, featuring tough-as-steel retractable five-point crampons/toe nails.
     
  • Fredbot Nose: Can smell a delectible dinner-size snaffle from over a mile away. Can catch a whiff of an untrammeled route from three easy scrambles and one slightly brushy valley away.
     
  • Fredbot Hands: Look (and work) like #3.5 Camalots.
     
  • Fredbot Fingers: Each Fredbot finger features two knuckles from which the molds for Frost Sentinel nuts were cast.
     
  • Fredbot Ears: Widely rumored to be non-functional, they simply operate in stealth mode so Fredbot isn't distracted by your whining when he steals your girlfriend (see Fredbot Pits).
     
  • Fredbot Skin: Effortlessly sheds copious amount of Northwest Liquid Sunshine. Impervious to thorns, bug bites, and crack rash. Permabronze coloring combines with Fredbot Pits to make him irrestible to your girlfriend.
     
  • Fredbot Pack: Looks like an old-school ruck, but weighs nothing and carries everything.
     
  • Fredbot Little Black Book: Widely believed to be nothing more than a rumor, the Fredbot LBB does exist, but is invisible to all but Fredbot and Helmybot. All notes are taken in Fredroglyphics or Helmyskrit, so you couldn't read it even if you could see it.
     
  • Fredbot Guidebooks: Filled with translations of information formerly housed in the Fredbot LBB. Consists mostly of routes you'll:
    1. Never be able to find.
    2. Never be able to get to, even in twice the time noted.
    3. Never be able to send, even if you do get to them.
     
  • Fredbot Belay Slave: Your girlfriend. See Fredbot Pits and Fredbot Skin.

Feel free to add-on.

 

-L

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi CascadeClimber,

 

Really enjoyed your "Fredbot" submission. I'm a "back east" climber whose home crags are in the Red River Gorge region of KY. We were out in your neck of the woods last week and were trying to contact Mr. Beckey with no luck. We know he is a bit reclusive, but would like to get in touch with him. Can you provide any hints as to where he "resides" in the Seattle area?

 

Thanks.

 

Rick Weber

weber@accenttech.com

www.muirvalley (our little piece of the rock)

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