JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 As my green card process nears a conclusion, and my job search burgeoning, I'll soon be ready to kiss my current job goodbye (hopefully). So, the question is, how can I hop to another job and still ensure I get my severance? Obviously a well-timed lay off would appear to be the order of the day. How can I surreptitiously promote this without arousing the suspicion of my boss? Your collective wisdom is much appreciated comrades. Remember, there's no such thing as a bad idea or is that questions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 So in other words, you want to have your next job all lined up and then manage to get laid off, collect severance and start at the new job with maybe a week off to go climbing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 Bingo! Be creative with your suggestions. I figure I have about 4-6 weeks to plant the seeds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Oops, misread....thought this was a thread about how to get laid. My bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-rock Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Go back to Scotland, freeloader! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 ask for a raise - that usually works Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 E-rock said: Go back to Scotland, freeloader! Tres drole indeed. Pray tell though exactly from which avenue I am freeloading? I've always been gainfully and legally employed in the U.S. Never had a gummint check in my life. Since my company has been screwing with their employees for the past 14 or so months, I think I have earned a bit of latitude in the "freeloading" stakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Tell your boss you have been diagnosed with some rare disease and that you are going to die in 6 months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 trask said: ask for a raise - that usually works What do you do if they gave it to you? Ask for more? Or should I begin with an outrageously large number like $5.50 an hour versus my current $4.75 knowing that they could never agree to such extortion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Pusher Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Yeah, ask for a raise "American Beauty" style! Where the dude basically tells his boss he'll file a sexual harassment charge because his boss told him to give him ( the boss) a blowjob! Hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelle Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Convince them that for strategic reasons your job should be located in a city far-far-away. Refuse to move when they make you the offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoshK Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Hmm...do you have one of those office space jobs where you could basically just stop showing up and stop doing any work and they still wouldn't notice? If not, I would do just that...simply not come in several days a week and go climbing instead. When they ask you where you were, just make up obvious bullshit excuses. If it keeps up for 4 to 6 weeks, they should most likely fire you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Better yet, come down with some disease that is funny and irritating as hell but they can't fire you for it, like Tourettes syndrome. In meetings just blurt out shit, you don't even have to swear, or include the word meow in sentances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Just tell them you're planning on leaving eventually and that you'd appreciate it very much if they simply laid you off. No skin off their ass, and it helps you right out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 JoshK said: Hmm...do you have one of those office space jobs where you could basically just stop showing up and stop doing any work and they still wouldn't notice? If not, I would do just that...simply not come in several days a week and go climbing instead. When they ask you where you were, just make up obvious bullshit excuses. If it keeps up for 4 to 6 weeks, they should most likely fire you. That's just it though Josh. I cannot be fired for performance reasons...otherwise no severance. You see, I need to be a sacrificial lamb, a patsy, a stooge, an innocent bystander that by golly and the grace of God and the darndest of luck, circumstances simply conspired to cause the poor fellow to lose his job. He was a damn loyal servant too! You see my dilemma? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Dr_Flash_Amazing said: Just tell them you're planning on leaving eventually and that you'd appreciate it very much if they simply laid you off. No skin off their ass, and it helps you right out. not necessarily, because that sets them up for the unenjoyment issue. If they outright fire your lame ass, they might have a case against you. Trust me on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Find out how the company stock is doing and then volunteer to take a hit for the team when they undergo the next round of cuts. Or get it on with boss's daughter then let boss know about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Dru said: Find out how the company stock is doing and then volunteer to take a hit for the team when they undergo the next round of cuts. Or get it on with boss's daughter then let boss know about it. or my preferred partner.....the bosses wife at the Christmas party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 trask said:not necessarily, because that sets them up for the unenjoyment issue. You see! I knew I could rely on you guys ot come up with a sound path. What exactly is the "unenjoyment issue"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Dru said: Or get it on with boss's daughter then let boss know about it. That would do the trick! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 catbirdseat said: Dru said: Or get it on with boss's daughter then let boss know about it. That would do the trick! That would also be most illegal...the boss' daughter is a toddler. I think the wife could be a better avenue. Gotta say though, we don't even have parties...nothign much to celebrate. Boo hoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 unenjoyment = unemployment they lay you off and you collect - goes against them. they fire you for some illegal shit they claim you did and your unemployment may well be denied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fejas Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 If you have another job lined up, why not just quit... no boby is gonna hold it aginst you if your moving on to better yourself... geting fired for doin' stupid shit looks worse than just quiting cause ya cant stand the inviorment ya work in... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGowans Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 Fejas said: If you have another job lined up, why not just quit... no boby is gonna hold it aginst you if your moving on to better yourself... geting fired for doin' stupid shit looks worse than just quiting cause ya cant stand the inviorment ya work in... But what about the severance? I want my cake and to eat it too man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fejas Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Offer to get your boss some coffee, go get a cup and before ya give it to him, or her what ever, put the cup on the secrateries desk and wip it out, piss in it and then serve it to your boss... the sec is either gonna get your back, which will give you enough satisfation to stick it out for another six mounths, or she'll raat on you which will get you fired... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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