P.T.L. Ratio: A new Theory, A way of Life

[gapertimmy]

This morning started out much like the rest, wake up, stuff a bagel in my face, make the long commute to the hills. By the time I arrive, the bowels are churning away, and the little ones are asking to be set free into their watery playground.

 

So I made my way to the best pooper on the hill (The Executive Washroom), pulled out the cell phone to play some vids, and then got down to business. My mind drifted off, away from the cell phone video game, and i found myself contemplating a much greater, more important issue. This morning, I had a poop epiphany. I realized that probably close to 75% of my shitting is done at work, in that very stall. At first I was amused by this fact, but then I was very alarmed, and shocked.

 

I took this to the next level, and decided to analyze my PTL, or Poop To Location Ratio. This of course means, a rough estimate of how much you poop at different locations. I broke it down into the following categories:

 

WORK

HOME

PUBLIC RESTROOMS (Rest Stops, Restaraunts, Bars)

BACKCOUNTRY

TRAILHEAD

 

I figured that my PTL for the above locations was probably along the lines of these percentages:

 

work 75

home 23

public 1

backcountry .25

trailhead .75

 

While many might find this pointless, or perhaps nasty that i am analyzing shit in this way, i think one can find out some interesting things about their shatting habbits, and possibly set some goals based on their PTL.

 

From my above example, a few things can be gathered: 1. I work too much, or just spend too much time up here in general (saying that I really don't work that often) 2. I don't like using public restrooms (nuff said) and most importantly 3. I'm not spending enought time shitting in the outdoors, which means i need to make a better effort to be in the backcountry, climbing, and doing other shit, like shitting.

 

My goal for this summer is to up the Backcountry and Trailhead PTL to closer to a combined 6-10%, i know this is a very agressive goal, but i feel as if I have it in me.

 

I will keep you posted on the outcome of my new study.

timmay

 

[lummox]

you went to a liberal arts college, dintcha.

[gapertimmy]

B.A. Business Administration, University of Washington 1999

with a focus on Fecal Studies

[My_xxxth_Avatar]

this LINK is right up your alley, bud.

[gapertimmy]

bump

[E-rock]

Timmay I'm sorry that i missed this thread the first time around. I did not mean to belittle the value and humor of your thread, I merely had not seen it. I would agree with you when you say that coffee affects PTL. When I was pooping at school, I was drinking my morning cup there also. Now I poop mostly at home and that is because I usually drink my morning coffee at home now to save money.

[gapertimmy]

no worries, just wanted ot let you in on my new theory ohhh fellow turd burglar

[Chaseabbott]

Pooping at work is a good thing:

 

1) It's against the company's water bill, not yours

2) Less toilet paper usage (can be negative since corporate toilet paper is usually recycled 60 grit sand paper)

3) The power of an industrial toilet can suck a small child. Who cares if you have 3 pounds of cheese the night before.

4) If you blow ass all over the place, who cares... janitor has to clean up the poo spew

5) Stink factor is not a good thing when company is over so get rid of the power bomb at work.

 

Course I consider Tim's toilet fair game for all above activities.

 

[Ursa_Eagle]

Chaseabbott said:

Pooping at work is a good thing:

 

1) It's against the company's water bill, not yours

2) Less toilet paper usage (can be negative since corporate toilet paper is usually recycled 60 grit sand paper)

3) The power of an industrial toilet can suck a small child. Who cares if you have 3 pounds of cheese the night before.

4) If you blow ass all over the place, who cares... janitor has to clean up the poo spew

5) Stink factor is not a good thing when company is over so get rid of the power bomb at work.

 

Course I consider Tim's toilet fair game for all above activities.

 

 

6) You get paid to blast 'em

[E-rock]

I sat through geochemistry estimating my PTL ratios

 

Home 55%

Work 25%

Public Restroom 12%

Trailhead 7%

Backcountry 1%

[rbw1966]

But most importantly you are shitting on the company clock--what better way to get back at those bastards for sucking the life out of you then to squeeze the cheez on their dime? Pure satisfaction. Maximize your time there--take billable work.

[E-rock]

Timmy I think you may be underestimating your backcountry shit count, unless you really only take one a year.

[gapertimmy]

i think i only took like 5-10 shits tops in the backcountry last year. i didn't get out on many extended trips, when i go on overnighters, my pooping cycle changes, its very odd

[E-rock]

Indeed if you average one shit per day, than your backcountry shits are already approaching the 2-3 percent mark. Sounds like you may need to up the ante a little bit on your goals for next year.

[iain]

in the backcountry beware the impaction lest you enjoy "the hook and pull"

[Mr._Natural]

yummy. why is this more likely in the BC? less fibre?

[iain]

hmm probably more fiber, but usually happens to kids or urbanites who don't want to crap in the woods and hold it literally for like a week, at which point their breath can literally start to smell like shit.

[Mr._Natural]

thanks!