Formaldehead

Where does sending someone your unsolicited climbing resume fit in?

"....and that's why I picked Larry here to wear this shiny badge and to get this whistle too, and he can blow it when he sees a bad guy not buying a Park Pass or something. Larry is the best American I know. Keep up the good work, Larry, and someday you can be one of my special guys."

"You're pretty cute, too, boy. How 'bout you, me, and this one here head over to the bushes and see what you got in your pants. And if you're real good to me, I'll make sure your Momma gets to keep her Earned Income Tax Credit."

Ask Jim Nelson if this is a problem. You've whined enough about REI. I bought shit at Jim's store, actually, the one and only time I went in there, because his store doesn't suck dog balls. I also just found out that I am persona non grata at Base Crap. I guess the Owner/Lurker didn't take too kindly to me relating an anecdote about his mysogynistic sales techniques(see above) to the entire Internet. Poor me!! Here's another: When my wife went in to order Twight's "Extreme Climbing" (which they didn't stock at the time)as a gift for me, and without the owner knowing jack shit about me, or her, beforehand, the owner was INSISTANT that she NEEDED to buy "Freedom of the Hills" instead, as it was a better source for me to learn the basic skills that I was lacking. She was beside herself in disbelief, at the incredible arrogance and self-rightiousness she was witnessing, and in her stunned state didn't walk out like she should have. Or how about: When the Owner INSISTED that I needed SILK as a base layer. SILK for Christ's sake! Whatever...

"Uncle Dicky! Can I be done, cuz' my hands are starting to hurt REAL BAD, even with my new gloves."

"Hey *! Come and finish diggin this hole for me. My hands are getting blistered and I need a stiff drink."

Just provide a caption for this...

"Hmmmm...that Bush sure has made a fuck of things. And now he's ranting like Pat Roberts about the sodomites. What would Jesus do?"

You'll need some Butt Ice after the Horn-Pricked daemons have their way with your Balloon Knot for all eternity, Allah willing.

RobBob the stank twat limp dicked with his hatred of Necronomicon

Jerry Springer? Does he support gay marriage?

I say we crush trask under a stone wall as punishment for his transgressions, praise Allah, and if he dies, Allah willing, he will spend an eternity licking the Shrub's beef-tortured wrinkled star while Larry the Tool stuffs Park Passes up his Ho Chi Minh Trail. Praise Allah.

I have every right to be angry when it comes to this fucking loser. For the past two years, all he's done, as far as I can tell, is to turn this country so far to the right that I wouldn't be surprised if we started to herd our enemies into camps (oh...wait...we already do that). And now, with his latest ignorant hate-spew couched as moral superiority, he's yet again turning this country into the laughingstock of the human universe. This is not a theocracy, last time I checked, but this smelly twat is shredding the constituion and replacing it with his "My Fisrt Bible", with the big letters and the fuzzy pictures.

I'm taking a shit. It curls on top of your head. Once again, you lose.

I wonder what the Shitty Little Shrub Fucking Fucker Fuckstain Fake President Jesus Freak Dictating Warmonger Loser Twat Douchebag would think of watching two turd hurlers doing a little feltching after they spent a night eating tamales. I think this whole issue hits a little too close to home for him, after his partyboy days at the Frat, doing the Elephant Walk with his brothers, and naked sit-ups on the wet concrete in the basement. Or maybe it was the time James Baker snuck into his room after Babs had him all tucked in. "Mommy? There's blood in my B.M."

Yawntacular! Jarmusch blows

"I'd fight Gandhi." FEAR & LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS

It's TRUE!!! Just ask the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STAES OF AMERICA!!! (Please...someone...anyone...do the future a favor and slaughter the entire administration...please...)

Perfect passport photo.

I think Bob would be a better Ass Climber if he didn't punch so much clown.

This is a tacky thing to do. Do you take up the time of people working in the store? You deserve REI. I do the same at REI, tool. I also get a pittance on any of the crap that I do stoop to actually buy there, which never happened at Basecamp. Additionally, I've seen some pretty dumbass shit at Basecamp. I once had to give a lesson on pitons to one of the staff members. "This is an angle, and this is a knifeblade. THis is a bugaboo." Also, the owner flipped my wife soime serious attitude once when she was trying to buy vegan boots. "You're putting other people's lives at risk by wearing those boots."

Lance rules!! And these guys are the world's best athletes, IMHO. When Jan crashed during the final time trial, he bit it hard on the tar, slid for thirty feet into the hay bails, and the first thought on his mind was to GET BACK ON THE BIKE!! Tyler Hamilton rode the whole tour with a broken collar bone after crashing on the first day, and came in fourth. In the early mountain stages, he was in so much pain he couldn't climb out of the saddle. He even won a stage on a solo breakaway, only one of six Americans ever to win a stage. I can't think of any other professional sport where the athletes subject themselves to such rigor and pain, day after day after day. They cry like sissys instead.

I think Kobe should take a lesson from The Dogfather and bust out a series of all anal Doggystyle-esque hardcore pornos. Lots of people would love to watch him impale some pasty white chicks.