Necronomicon

Holy shit... I think I got some spittle on me from that one. Notice that his rage is so perfect his pounding fists are unable to properly utilize the "Shift" key. I just got back from soloing the route, and I didn't find any of the gear that Colon claimed to leave behind. I'm starting to think this claimed ascent is BULLSHIT.

FUCKING DO IT!!! FUCKING DO IT!!! JEEESUUUS!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!! YYNNNTTTHHHH!!! BY THE GREAT GODS OF... Seriously, though, it's time for us to end this acrimony, and to band together as Mountain Brothers and Hill Sisters. We all know that the only reason we do any of this is to be better than someone else, and to rub that fact in their shitty face. If only Colin would recognise that his Slavic competitor, despite his homemade tin carabiners and his unsightly hand-crafted hob nail sneakers, is the harder Hardman, we could all live in peace. Step out from behind your lies, Colin, so that we may build a better world, together, Godless Communists and Cumpulsive Liars alike. -Dog

I'd say, from my lofty perch in front of this computer, that the decison not to climb the colouir last sunday, with the freezing level forecasted to be above 10000', was appropirate for the occassion. Also, I think Colin is trying to pull the old "I can't use a computer." ruse to weasel out of posting an image. If you can log onto this website, you should be able to post an image. Forthwith... Cheers, -The Devil

In the time it took me to type my post, and read additional posts, my attitude has gone from one of skepticism to "Who gives a fuck?" Colin seems convinced that he climbed it, good for him. When I was freaking out on acid in college, and the cops were dragging me out from underneath my roommate's bed, I was sure that I was being accosted by hill billies in their West Virginia cabin. I think the main problem with detractors is their envy of the length of the Johnson on your average hardman. I feel for you Colin. I know your pain. -God

How about a picture? They are, after all, worth a thousand words. I, for one, am skeptical. Conditions were less than ideal last weekend, and although my partner and I got an early start on our climb, and cramponed up hard snow, the team that came up behind us still found our spore. Lets see some evidence. Additionally, although you've never heard of me, I am the Beast 666, and even the hardest of hardmen can't keep with me. -God

I am God. Please grovel prostrate at my boot-clad feet. Additionally, since I am perhaps one of only two people to climb the route this year, please plead extra fealty, as the benevolence of such a supreme and humble diety can quickly turn to anger and wrath directed towards such pitiful animals. Mike got all the hard pitches, lucky guy. My favorite was the "Hyper-Pan Dome" slush/mung grovel pitch, PD1 3BBH (broken broom handles)on the Pan Dome/Abner Louima rating system that Mike, God of Reckless Self-Abandon, and I employ. It had a Squishy-like consistancy that wouldn't have made Apu very happy. Watch Mike grovel, look at the "anchor" (a tiny sappling equalized to an ice tool pounded into quickly melting neve), watch Mike grovel some more, simul-climb when the rope runs out, watch Mike continue to grovel. A ski buried as a deadman would have been the only viable form of protection, if that. Finally, the triumphant shout of "I've got gear!", a funky cam stuck sideways in bad granite. What fun! The summit views were deemed worthy, so I was not forced to smote the mountain beneath my feet, although it would have saved the hassle of the descent rappels. The final 900' foot downclimb of rotting, sun-blasted snow was a cheerfully hideous blow to the crotch. The sun beating down on my head and up my nostrils sounded like the opening throbbing of "Welcome to the Machine." Finally, the car, a beer, and home to the Ham for an afternoon nap. When we saw the folks starting up at 8am(!!!!!) I had to laugh. Hint: When the weather squids are calling for the freezing level to be at 7000' and high temps in the sixties, you can logically postulate that an East facing alpine ice climb will require an early start to be completed successfully. Just a thought, no hard feelings, I am simply a God who cannot tolerate such mortal behavior in my Alpine Hardmen brethren. (BTY, we descended a gully that drops off the summit to the west for four 200'+ rappels. We fixed a pin at the top of the last one.) Oh yeah, I almost forgot all of you gapers out there. Cheers. -God

Is this the highest moral order? Regardless of whether or not the proper nomenclature is applied to a particular phenomenon, the impact on your life is still the same: pain, be it figurative or literal. Who care? Call them all "Cah Holes", I'll know what you're talking about.

With respect to Jobe's post, he fell into what is known as the "College Crevasse", presumably because of the frequency with which ignorant college kids end up at the bottom of it. It forms every year in the draw to the west of the "Hog's Back" (the morainal ridge that you ascend before you hit the snow slopes). There is a waterfall under the snowpack, and as the volume of the water increases in the spring, the moat begins to open up. As it says on the sign at the trailhead, DO NOT GLISSADE INTO THE DRAW TO THE WEST OF HOG'S BACK!!! You cannot see the moat from above, and several people have ended up at the bottom. A few years ago, when I was a volunteer for BMRC, we had to haul a dead man out of it, not much fun. The best thing to do is to glissade until you get to the top of the Hog's Back, descend it until you are below the water fall, and continue your glissade. FYI, there was a dude on North Twin Sister 2(?) years ago that lost control glissading down the North Slope, and punctured his aorta with his ice tool.

I have a few decorating a door at home. I got a nasty letter from the East side after gettin one at the TH to Maude, but I ignored it, and haven't heard from them again. I have heard that the courts don't want to be bogged down with hearing cases of non-payment, and have said "Don't bring these cases to us.", but I have not had this confirmed. My advice to anyone who reads this is to NEVER buy a Park Pass, and to NEVER pay a fine. The rationale that "Most of the money stays local." is BS. We pay taxes to use this land, where did all that money go? Cruise missles. Any revenue generated by the "Fee Demonstration Project" ends up going towards making signs that tell you to pay, printing tickets, and paying a Ranger to stand there and issue them. It's a self-supporting system with no appreciable benefits. DON'T PAY!! EVER!! If we "demonstrate" that the fee doesn't work, it will go away.

I wear a pair of Scarpa Assaults. They are wearing out, and I am so impressed with how well they climb and have held up for the past 5 years, I will probably buy another pair of Scarpas.

Managed to quickly stretch this out to three pages... "The Truth Revealed." We didn't actually set out to climb the Triple Colouirs route on Dragintail Peak, we set out to descend the Southeast Face of Dragontail Peak, and link that with a descent of the Asgard Pass Colouir. Thankfully, the route went. We had to fix a piton on the second pitch of the second approach gully (we soloed to that point). It rang quite brightly, but give it a few wails for old-times sake. The pendulum, for the second, from the belay at the slabs into the third approach gully was quite thrilling. We timed our approach to allow for complete and utter blackness at the beginning of our descent from the "summit". We started down at 10:30. The descent of the first part of our route, easy AI1 snow walking. I got a lot of practice holding my icetool and stepping into the snow. The USGS map mistakenly labels the start of the Asgard Pass descent Colouir as Colchuck Pass, but we trusted our instincts and headed down anyways. We were committed. We were failing downwards. I got freaked out on the way down because I thought we had somehow descended southwest from the top of the Colchuck Glacier and were headed towards Ingalls Creek. Luckily, trillions of interstellar equilateral triangles pointed the way back to Colchuck Lake. We reached our gear at the base of our descent by 1:00. Seeking the elusive "Bellingham to Bellingham" descent, we each downed some spice Melange and folded timespace for the stagger back to the truck. The hallucinations were coital. I saw an Angel, the Sasquatch, and a guy in a suit standing next to a tree. Mike saw the face of Father Callahan looking down on him, pressing down on him, on the floor of the rectory, in back, next to the piano. Five minutes into our four hour descent from the base of the descent, we reached the halfway point. Some water, then five more minutes, and we reached the trailhead where we had dumped some gear (overnight gear which would have forced us into a 2+ day affair). After more of the spice melange, we began the deafening ten minute, three mile snowshoe back to the car in an hour. Mike had left his interior light on for twenty four hours, yet his truck, clad in, and, perhaps, inspired by Brittany Spears decals, fought to life, despite the stray oil fill cap floating about amongst vital engine subsystems. I changed my socks and shoes. So did Mike. We both bought chips at the gas station. Mike drove, I think, while I nodded off like a junkie. I'd start awake, make sure Mike was still driving, and nod off again. It was impossible to stay warm. I was in bed by 9:15am, for a 28h 15m day.

Anuses. My knob hangs into my sock now, that's all I are about. Ladies?

Dude.

I'm in Deming right now, about 10 miles from the Sisters. The snow level is quite low, and the six mile logging road is rather shady. You'd find bare road for something less than a mile, then snow to the summit. I soloed the West Ridge of N. Twin in Febuary (descended the S. Face gully), and I hiked for 15 minutes before I donned the skis.

I suppose I could put this in the "Climbing Partners" section, but I prefer the exposure I'll get here. I am looking for climbing partners. It's that easy. I have one person that I mainly climb with, but that person is not always available. Hence...you could fiullmy void. If you're interested, I'll try you on like I would a shoe, as I hope you'd do with me. I have next week off [trying to arrange a trip(s)] and the entire summer (60 days) as well. -Justin

Penis envy. "I climbed Rainier." as if the ability to utter such a phrase somehow lengthens one's main member. Additionally, as an East Coast transplant, I can say that knowledge of the true nature of the Cascades is not widely held. Rainier has notoriety, but even mentioning "Mt. Baker" would most likely get you some perplexed looks.

1) Find the bottom of the mountain.2) Climb to the top.3) Return to the bottom of the mountain.4) Don't get killed. Isn't Alpine climbing fun?

The Castle Junction Hostel is nicer (quieter, smaller) than the Lake Louise Hostel. Rampart Creek hostel is great for climbs on the Parkway, and it is quite removed from civilization. The sauna is evil. www.mountainmagic.com for the new edition of the guidebook(400[!] pages)

I managed to maul the approach last summer, dropped down from the col and cut towards the face, but got stuck above some cliff bands. We could see the glacier under the face, but couldn't descend. How far down from the col should you drop before you begin to work towards the face?

Your mother.

I just took out my recycling. I'm back now, I just wanted to tell everyone. Latent, that choss don't look too shabby. Put it on the list.

B'Ham blows dead donk. I'd never live there. I had a "burrito" one time at this place called "Casa Ahora", and I swear, it had a chunk of dreadlock in it, and patchouli stains on the outside. The chick that "cooked" it looked like a cross between Rhasta Fonzie and Ray Bradbury's Illustrated Man, only with a bone through her nose and seeping nostril piercings. I also had a "Margarita", which was like drinking a $7 glass of water. Weak. Climbing scene? I don't think anyone in that town climbs, far as I can tell. There isn't jack up there to climb anyways. I went to the "climbing wall" at the Y up there once, some "scene". There were these two retards there, Mick and Jason I think, that looked like they may have gone out of doors once, and all they did was spray. I'm talking about heretofore unknown depths of spray depravity. Scum. Try going into one of the shops up there some time to ask for beta. They look at you like you're speaking Estonian. "Rope? What's that? Do you have the twelve essentials? You know, those low top approach shoes only serve to put your rescuers in jeopardy when you snap your ankles. You need these $650 thigh-high leather/Kelvar hybrids and a pair of SILK liner socks. SILK. What's a mountain?" Losers...I'll stay in Seattle, thanks, and keep it waggin' with the true hardmen. -Dog

Climbed on 2/2. Excellent conditions, ice was nice and plastic, and not too wet(previous spraylord post was BS. Step up or stay home). Soloed all but the last two pitches, which were up to WI4. It was warmer on 2/3, but still there. Thanks to the blokes who retrieved my pack lid from the base of the final pitch. You RULE!!!

I'm in Deming WA as I type, on theway to the Mt. Baker Ski Area, and it's raining and warm. It's been raining for the large part of this week, although we did get some snow on the hills yesterday. If any snow deveolps today, the avi will go through the roof, and only a fool with a deathwish would head into Lake Ann right now. Additionally, any ice that I've seen out there ("beautiful flows"?? Hardly.) would suck even worse right now. Do Mt.Rescue a favor and stay in the ski area. -God