Where did you put "broke feet" and "rescue called on Big Four" on your climbing resume spreadsheet? In the accomplishments section how do you grade breaking feet - maybe Grade IV/TD-? Have you gotten any sponsorship offers from orthotics companies yet?
Since you already described both of these incidents in detailed trip reports on the website when they happened last year, and all your pictures in this essay are also on the website, couldn't you have just gone Link One and Link Two and then filled in the extra details that weren't in those two trip reports, namely that you pissed yourself while tied to a backboard and that your then-girlfriend left you?
If the answer to the last question is "No", is posting second TRs for things that have already happened going to be an annual event? Maybe you can rewrite this and post it again in 2006?