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The Personals


allthumbs

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Trask, put it back up: Wouldn't it be a fun contest to write personals for the chics that post here?

 

Like Allison's:

 

"Beautiful, Romantic, Fun, Professional, Educated female looking for a man who believes in the Feminist Cause like I do."

 

[ 07-31-2002, 05:02 PM: Message edited by: Greg W ]

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Here ya go, Erik. Deciper mine, and make one of your own!!! I am sure they get more colorful with the application of alcohol.

 

WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish...................... 49

Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends

Athletic.................... No tits

Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound

Beautiful................... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy

Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor

Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated

Free spirit................. Junkie

Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut

Fun......................... Annoying

Gentle...................... Comatose

Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic

New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned............Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs

Open-minded................. Desperate

Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk

Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional................ Certified Bitch

Redhead..................... Bad dye-job

Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light

Social.......... Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray

Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker

Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself

Young at heart.............. Old bat

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that's the one! [big Drink]

 

MEN'S ADS

40-ish.............. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic............ Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking..... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated............ Will patronize the **** out of you

Free Spirit......... Banging your sister

Friendship first.... As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun................. Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking........ Arrogant

Very good looking... Dumb as a board

Honest.............. Pathological Liar

Huggable............ Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle..... Insecure mama's boy

Mature.............. Older than your father

Open-minded......... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested

Physically fit...... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Poet................ Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall

Sensitive........... Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive...... Gay

Spiritual........... Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable.............. Arrested for stalking, but not convicted

Thoughtful.......... Says "Excuse me" when he farts

 

[ 07-31-2002, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: trask ]

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quote:

Originally posted by sk:

who's next jules
[Wink]

Hmmm... this is fun, sk...... how about Dave Schuldt?! No, wait, you haven't met him in person yet. We may have to do this offline first, consult, then post online. Oh, yeah, this could get really fun!

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we men are not intimidated

by childish gurly games and surveys

never forget the cc.com alma mater...

 

us mountaineers we have no fears

we do not care for riches

we knock our cocks against the rocks

us hearty sons-a-bitches*

 

(* trask excluded in the mtneer' class)

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Some new material...

 

Drinks & Personalities....

 

Drink: Beer

Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.

Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

 

Drink: Blender Drinks

Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.

Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

 

Drink: Mixed Drinks

Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste;

knows exactly what she wants.

Your Approach: You won't have to approach her,> if she is interested, she'll send YOU a drink.

 

Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)

Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.

Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

 

Drink: White Zinfandel

Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.

Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is.... this should be an easy target.

 

Drink: Shots

Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk...... and naked.

Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!

 

Then there is the MALE addendum. The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

 

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

 

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

 

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

 

Whiskey: He doesn't give a hoot about anything but getting laid.

 

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

 

White Zinfandel: He's gay.

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