Dennis_the_Menace Posted September 10, 2001 Posted September 10, 2001 Guy walks into a bar with a 25 lb piece of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, give me 2 beers, one for me... and one for the road. Quote
EddieE Posted September 12, 2001 Posted September 12, 2001 How do you fix a leaking dishwasher? Push her closer to the sink. Quote
Dru Posted September 12, 2001 Posted September 12, 2001 Man walks into a bar. "Ouch" Whats the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls? You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork. Horse walks into a bar & the bartender says "Hay! Why the long face?" Quote
Wopper Posted September 12, 2001 Posted September 12, 2001 A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food." Quote
dkemp Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says "ya know, we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says "you got a drink named Irving?" Â Quote
Beck Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 True story! from 20 years ago, Nevada high desert saloon. Two miners came to town every month and weren't happy till the blew all the money. They'd get totally shitty, order drinks for everyone by hollering, "From the front door to the shithouse, get all us niggers a drink!" or to send a drink to a lady, "Get the fat lady in the corner a drink!" One morning, two hours after they both left, stumbling(bars are open 24 hours in NV), one of them comes in and goes, "Give me a case of beer, I've got to sober up for the road!" I sold him a styro cooler and ice to boot. Â Quote
Doug Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Skeleton walks into a bar. Says to the bartender: Give me a beer.....and a mop. A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk in to a bar. The bartender says, what is this some kind of joke? Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Cause he was dead. Quote
Dru Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Why do the Montreal Canadiens have the letters CH as their symbol? To remind dem dat the face off is at "Centaire H'Ice" Why are the Calgary Flames gonna change their name to the Calgary Tampons? Cause they are only good for one period and don't have a second string. I got lots more hockey jokes if you care Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Keep going Drul those are the best ones yet ! Quote
Beck Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Hey, Cavey, spent two years m/l early eighties in Eureka, NV hiway 50, just 110 miles from the nearest Mcdonalds-oneway. Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Sounds terrible Beck. I lived out in Reno for a few years.... Quote
Dru Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 quote: Originally posted by Beck: Hey, Cavey, spent two years m/l early eighties in Eureka, NV hiway 50, just 110 miles from the nearest Mcdonalds-oneway. How did you survive the grease longing? Mainlining coconut oil? Â Quote
Beck Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Made fakey cheeseburgers that simulated Mcd's, screwed the house whore a lot to keep my mind off the solitude, hiked and scrambled with two canteens, one water the other tequila, good for 5,000 vert before the tequila would run out. Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Heck Beck you should have went east towards the border. There are reports of waterfall ice to climb during short spells of the winter. Oh well. Quote
Dru Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 quote: Originally posted by Beck: screwed the house whore a lot . look out teddy! Â Quote
Beck Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 dru, Teddy's all okay with my past, Cavey, it snowed on me plenty, I was about 60 miles from Wheeler Peak Quote
Dru Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 What's the difference between a locomotive and a teacher? Locomotive goes "choo choo" and teacher says "Get rid of that gum unless you brought some for everyone!" [This message has been edited by Dru (edited 09-13-2001).] Quote
imorris Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A mechanic. Quote
lizard_brain Posted September 13, 2001 Posted September 13, 2001 Why did the skeleton burp? Â Because he didn't have the guts to fart! Quote
EddieE Posted September 14, 2001 Posted September 14, 2001 What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Na'cho cheese. Quote
Dru Posted September 14, 2001 Posted September 14, 2001 Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? There was a face off in the corner! What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip! How can you tell if a leper has been in your shower? He left his Head & Shoulders behind. Quote
Wopper Posted September 14, 2001 Posted September 14, 2001 Why don't they play poker in the jungle? To many cheetahs. Quote
Dru Posted September 14, 2001 Posted September 14, 2001 quote: Originally posted by Wopper: Why don't they play poker in the jungle? To many cheetahs. Quote
Dru Posted September 18, 2001 Posted September 18, 2001 Why did the yogi get his tooth drilled without anaesthetic? He wanted to transcend dental medication. Mahatma Gandhi walked everywhere without shoes as a child. As he grew older, many venerated him for his wisdom and leadership, and considered him almost holy. But he was always frail, and suffered from bad breath and arthritis. This made him a "super callused fragile mystic afflicted by halitosis" - Mary Poppins would have approved. Quote
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