best of cc.com [TR] Mt. Hood - South Sizzle 4/18/2010

[Nitrox]

Trip: Mt. Hood - South Sizzle

 

Date: 4/18/2010

 

Trip Report:

Just what everyone wanted to see, ANOTHER South Side TR. Well, sit down and shut up cause here it is:

 

We wanted to see the sunrise from the summit so we got there early. I could have sworn there was a Starbucks portable coffee shop in the parking lot cause there was a ton of cars and campers...even a tent. There were old ladies rolling mob deep into the place.

 

I started to get nervous thinking I'd get shown what time it was by someone who was actually at Woodstock so we randomly hid their Carter Liver pills, got our shit together, and hauled ass. Once on our way we beat feet to the top of Palmer. It was epic, like Mt. Everest only not. We nearly got lost but the ski lift towers saved our lives. Good thing there wasn't a cloud in the sky or it would have been certain death.

 

Once we got to the Palmer lift house it took 10 minutes to recover. We looked down the hill to see what looked like a Chinese celebration following us up. FUCK THAT! The next section up to Cathedral can only be described as a scene out of a Krakauer novel, epic yet smooth as cheerleader's ass. All rock formations covered in nothing but finely crusted snow. No skins or snowshoes needed.

 

A quick look back brought the heavy reality of the situation to the forefront, the geriatrics parade was catching up to us! Damnit, Damnit, Damnit...They must have brought their oxygen bottles!

 

We hauled ass up to the Hoggsback where we put on our crampons. One of the guys had some technical issues but after a half of a roll of duct tape and some bailing wire he was back in action...but then the unthinkable happened...a solo climber had caught up to our group! He must have cheated his ass off and used our perfectly broken tracks.

 

The lone soloist carried Ice tools and spoke of a far away place laden in water ice called the Pearly Gates. He stated that in no uncertain terms should a daredevil attempt this death defying feat without tools and protection. After some conversation amongst my team of righteous friends we decided the course toward the Old chute would be better for drinking and grab-assery.

 

By this time the Chinese New Year celebration had showed up and one group started up the Hoggsback after the Soloist. Once to the wall they started to break the trail to the Old chute, however, in a twist of fate they became perilously lost in a chute much too early. We made our way to the chute right of the old chute and up to VICTORY!!! (The lost climbers regained their bearing and followed us)

 

At the top we met the Soloist and another group, all taking different routes. The sun rose and we took turns getting suntans and telling Yomamma jokes.

 

We made our great escape before the AARP tried to hit us up for early memberships. We landed at the bar for a round of Ice Axe. The beer was refreshing but the waitress got snooty when she thought I made light of her "glandular problem"...we DID do her a favor by eating the extra pastries regardless of what she thinks.

 

Look Ma, no hands!

 

 

 

Did someone spill some honey?

 

 

 

"Excuse me sir, we just climbed your mountain and what we need to know is...will you serve us your beer?"

 

 

Gear Notes:

Speedos and flip-flops, we took all the usual shit but this is all that was really needed.

 

Approach Notes:

The weather couldn't have been better. If you put Mt. Hood off for another day you may as well quit because you probably missed the best day of the year.

[Jimmy J]

Dude, I hope you die before you get old!

[sossity]

HIlarious write-up. Tell me true, though, any need for a rope up the Old Chute?

[KirkW]

Yes...you will most certainly be needing a rope in the old chute. At least a 70m 11mm or something similar. 6 or 7 friends to attach to the rope at widely spaced intervals with lots of slack in between. At least 5 pickets, a full rack of screws and three ice tools (just in case you drop one). Don't forget the MLU, the PLB, the GPS and last but not least your cell phone so you can call for rescue if you get benighted above the palmer and the batteries in your PLB and MLU are dead frozen and you can't find your way down in the dark.

 

Bivy gear is a must but I'm assuming you all ready know this. Of course the hip thing to do right now is just sleep in your tauntaun but that does tend to clog the pores of your gortex and diminish it's efficiency at repelling water. I guess you'll have to make the call.

 

Good luck... the conditions should be perfect right now.

 

 

[summitchaserCJB]

I concur. Anything that gives the illusion of safety is a plus. Also, anything that puts everyone else around you in danger is a plus. (Sarcasm)

[Nitrox]

HIlarious write-up. Tell me true, though, any need for a rope up the Old Chute?

 

Depends on the weather but probably not.

[Ryan Canfield]

No rope needed for the Old Chute but if it makes you feel safer, bring it.

[sossity]

Thanks much, Atreides. Will be sure my tauntaun has his new ice tool too. (and his own PLB...) Thanks for the info all...

[Displaced Native]

your tauntaun had better be at least avy 1 certified. We don't need no damn alien ice planet dwelling critter tripping off slides. For the love of all south side climbers on all mountains, in all countries, please leash your tauntaun.

[KirkW]

Don't mention it. I'm a fountain of stellar beta on Mt Hood. Ask any time.

 

Although I should probably mention at this point that I've never summited. I've tried twice but it was cold and windy so I turned around.

 

I've read every TR on summit post that mentions hood though so I consider myself an expert.

 

 

 

Have fun out there.

 

 

[Joe_Poulton]

Don't forget your N-95 particulate non-rebreather respirator with 15 lpm of Oxygen with a sled to carry your 3000 litre tank so you don't run out...but if you want to explore the fumeroles...

 

Atreides...what do you think....multiple lengths of vacuum ho to venture into the caverns? With a 5000L tank?

[Nitrox]

...I consider myself an expert.

 

 

Yet you failed to recommend a shovel, probe, beacon, and avilung.

 

Amateur.

 

 

[KirkW]

...I consider myself an expert.

 

 

Yet you failed to recommend a shovel, probe, beacon, and avilung.

 

Amateur.

 

 

You don't need any of that shit when you got a tauntaun. Don't you know anything? All of them are guaranteed to find you in an avalanche within 5 minutes or your money back. I guess your not one of the cool kids that can afford the expensive beasts.

 

As far as carrying O2...yeah I'd say that's a good idea considering I've heard that you can get AMS at anything above 3000 ft. Of course carrying everything up may require a second pack tauntaun. I guess if you got the cash and don't mind springing for a second one you might as well. Just to be on the safe side.

[summitchaserCJB]

 

 

 

"As far as carrying O2...yeah I'd say that's a good idea considering I've heard that you can get AMS at anything above 3000 ft."

righhhhht...try meters.

Edited April 26, 2010 by summitchaserCJB

[KirkW]

righhhhht...try meters.

 

No.I meant ft.

 

I heard it from this guy coming down the pearly gates and as you can clearly see...he's a professional.

 

 

Sorry to post this photo again but it gets funnier every time I look at it.

[ivan]

that guy is my hero - seriously

 

still, not as cool as that guy who climbed the sunshine route in cowboy boots over 3 days, cutting steps w/ his bowie knife, only to fall down the pearly gates on the other side

[summitchaserCJB]

righhhhht...try meters.

 

No.I meant ft.

 

I heard it from this guy coming down the pearly gates and as you can clearly see...he's a professional.

 

 

Sorry to post this photo again but it gets funnier every time I look at it.

I've found you can't always believe what you hear. Funny picture none the less. I've always heard of the Mt. Hood perpetual epics.

Edited April 27, 2010 by summitchaserCJB