Nitrox Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Trip: Mt. Hood - South Sizzle Date: 4/18/2010 Trip Report: Just what everyone wanted to see, ANOTHER South Side TR. Well, sit down and shut up cause here it is: We wanted to see the sunrise from the summit so we got there early. I could have sworn there was a Starbucks portable coffee shop in the parking lot cause there was a ton of cars and campers...even a tent. There were old ladies rolling mob deep into the place. I started to get nervous thinking I'd get shown what time it was by someone who was actually at Woodstock so we randomly hid their Carter Liver pills, got our shit together, and hauled ass. Once on our way we beat feet to the top of Palmer. It was epic, like Mt. Everest only not. We nearly got lost but the ski lift towers saved our lives. Good thing there wasn't a cloud in the sky or it would have been certain death. Once we got to the Palmer lift house it took 10 minutes to recover. We looked down the hill to see what looked like a Chinese celebration following us up. FUCK THAT! The next section up to Cathedral can only be described as a scene out of a Krakauer novel, epic yet smooth as cheerleader's ass. All rock formations covered in nothing but finely crusted snow. No skins or snowshoes needed. A quick look back brought the heavy reality of the situation to the forefront, the geriatrics parade was catching up to us! Damnit, Damnit, Damnit...They must have brought their oxygen bottles! We hauled ass up to the Hoggsback where we put on our crampons. One of the guys had some technical issues but after a half of a roll of duct tape and some bailing wire he was back in action...but then the unthinkable happened...a solo climber had caught up to our group! He must have cheated his ass off and used our perfectly broken tracks. The lone soloist carried Ice tools and spoke of a far away place laden in water ice called the Pearly Gates. He stated that in no uncertain terms should a daredevil attempt this death defying feat without tools and protection. After some conversation amongst my team of righteous friends we decided the course toward the Old chute would be better for drinking and grab-assery. By this time the Chinese New Year celebration had showed up and one group started up the Hoggsback after the Soloist. Once to the wall they started to break the trail to the Old chute, however, in a twist of fate they became perilously lost in a chute much too early. We made our way to the chute right of the old chute and up to VICTORY!!! (The lost climbers regained their bearing and followed us) At the top we met the Soloist and another group, all taking different routes. The sun rose and we took turns getting suntans and telling Yomamma jokes. We made our great escape before the AARP tried to hit us up for early memberships. We landed at the bar for a round of Ice Axe. The beer was refreshing but the waitress got snooty when she thought I made light of her "glandular problem"...we DID do her a favor by eating the extra pastries regardless of what she thinks. Look Ma, no hands! Did someone spill some honey? "Excuse me sir, we just climbed your mountain and what we need to know is...will you serve us your beer?" Gear Notes: Speedos and flip-flops, we took all the usual shit but this is all that was really needed. Approach Notes: The weather couldn't have been better. If you put Mt. Hood off for another day you may as well quit because you probably missed the best day of the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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