Beacon

[powderhound]

Clambering around the great bacon tomorrow and the next. Say hi and share a pbr if any of y'all be around.

[stevetimetravlr]

Should be good times at the OK corral. I'll take a Corona, or whatever Kenny's having..

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

[stevetimetravlr]

The puke patch is a nice touch. Then there's that loose block in the gully on last pitch of the corner just waiting to get pulled off. The whole section thru there is getting kind of loose as a goose.

[kevbone]

Great weather for climbing last night. It is surprising to me that there are not more climbers there every single evening. Saw kenny and crew .....otherwise had the place to ourselves. Did SB to Blowout and up and over with arent. Amazing place to climb at.

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

 

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

9/2 - day 37 - corner lap 20 - my 17th campaign commences as another legion of students saunters into another sultry september classroom, soon i'll have spent more time standing then sitting in such a situation, so to speak - august over, the autumn clearly waxing as the beacon weather blew cold and gloomy, rain on the way - all the signs of summer's demise present - the river low, low, low - elk in great batches down by the creek - yellow leaves all bursting out on the oaks

[ivan]

for the love of jesus the crux hold past the overhang on p2 badly needs glueing or bolting into place or some such - feels like it's really not long for the earth

[stevetimetravlr]

Maybe its time for the right side variation to get popular. Good luck soloing that tricky bastard, its got a loose chunk on it as well.

[ivan]

Maybe its time for the right side variation to get popular. Good luck soloing that tricky bastard, its got a loose chunk on it as well.

i'd prefer a solution similiar to royal arches, should that happen and i not ride the death block down - put a fixed little bit of cord to a good piece so you can swing through, or do the new bit of 5.9ish hardness as you like

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

 

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

 

9/2 - day 37 - corner lap 20 - my 17th campaign commences as another legion of students saunters into another sultry september classroom, soon i'll have spent more time standing then sitting in such a situation, so to speak - august over, the autumn clearly waxing as the beacon weather blew cold and gloomy, rain on the way - all the signs of summer's demise present - the river low, low, low - elk in great batches down by the creek - yellow leaves all bursting out on the oaks

9/3 - 38th bacon-basted day of this bitter year - 21st corner lap, though i was sketched enough of the loosening crux block as to practice down-soloing bits of the first pitch to persuade meself i'd not be bitch-fucked if it all went wrong, nor to do a 2nd lap but instead steam home for an early super w/ the little-people

 

fall again, the world turns gray and we must follow - a cool breeze in the deep shade - september's here and we have nothing to fear

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

 

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

 

9/2 - day 37 - corner lap 20 - my 17th campaign commences as another legion of students saunters into another sultry september classroom, soon i'll have spent more time standing then sitting in such a situation, so to speak - august over, the autumn clearly waxing as the beacon weather blew cold and gloomy, rain on the way - all the signs of summer's demise present - the river low, low, low - elk in great batches down by the creek - yellow leaves all bursting out on the oaks

 

9/3 - 38th bacon-basted day of this bitter year - 21st corner lap, though i was sketched enough of the loosening crux block as to practice down-soloing bits of the first pitch to persuade meself i'd not be bitch-fucked if it all went wrong, nor to do a 2nd lap but instead steam home for an early super w/ the little-people

 

fall again, the world turns gray and we must follow - a cool breeze in the deep shade - september's here and we have nothing to fear

9/5 - 39th day out beacon-wrestling this year and my 22nd solo lap - a grand final salute to sailing summer - the shade for sure in the mid-afternoon, but the wind hot n' gusty like the doors of a blast furnace thrown open soon after the gilded glut-fuck of the earth has oozed forth - i glide up the corner, free of fear i figure as if a man is to die doing something totally trivial it oughta at least be in the first flush of the full work-year dawning

 

big things coming to the big stone - many machines on ix, plans within plans, i must parse politics with my ever-present award-winning personality

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

 

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

 

9/2 - day 37 - corner lap 20 - my 17th campaign commences as another legion of students saunters into another sultry september classroom, soon i'll have spent more time standing then sitting in such a situation, so to speak - august over, the autumn clearly waxing as the beacon weather blew cold and gloomy, rain on the way - all the signs of summer's demise present - the river low, low, low - elk in great batches down by the creek - yellow leaves all bursting out on the oaks

 

9/3 - 38th bacon-basted day of this bitter year - 21st corner lap, though i was sketched enough of the loosening crux block as to practice down-soloing bits of the first pitch to persuade meself i'd not be bitch-fucked if it all went wrong, nor to do a 2nd lap but instead steam home for an early super w/ the little-people

 

fall again, the world turns gray and we must follow - a cool breeze in the deep shade - september's here and we have nothing to fear

 

9/5 - 39th day out beacon-wrestling this year and my 22nd solo lap - a grand final salute to sailing summer - the shade for sure in the mid-afternoon, but the wind hot n' gusty like the doors of a blast furnace thrown open soon after the gilded glut-fuck of the earth has oozed forth - i glide up the corner, free of fear i figure as if a man is to die doing something totally trivial it oughta at least be in the first flush of the full work-year dawning

 

big things coming to the big stone - many machines on ix, plans within plans, i must parse politics with my ever-present award-winning personality

9/6 - been 40 days w/ some of dem nights - a boozy sleep-in n' lazy orbit outwards past the car-fucked ozone - never seen the lot at beacon so full i had to park way afore the trail - larry fresh off getting dumped by jimbo, wandering around like only lash can w/ that laconic look on - geoff in the revenge a few moments later - the trio of us spent a good bit of the day on ground zero, me savoring the shade, sipping beers from the cooler and the camels - great gusts all day, raining dust from above - ole'geoff had to go a bit early so we settled for fixing the first full pitch n' left the rope fixed for next week - coulda stayed out awhile for a moonlight ramble but was too desirous of nap n' nosh

[pink]

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

 

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

 

9/2 - day 37 - corner lap 20 - my 17th campaign commences as another legion of students saunters into another sultry september classroom, soon i'll have spent more time standing then sitting in such a situation, so to speak - august over, the autumn clearly waxing as the beacon weather blew cold and gloomy, rain on the way - all the signs of summer's demise present - the river low, low, low - elk in great batches down by the creek - yellow leaves all bursting out on the oaks

 

9/3 - 38th bacon-basted day of this bitter year - 21st corner lap, though i was sketched enough of the loosening crux block as to practice down-soloing bits of the first pitch to persuade meself i'd not be bitch-fucked if it all went wrong, nor to do a 2nd lap but instead steam home for an early super w/ the little-people

 

fall again, the world turns gray and we must follow - a cool breeze in the deep shade - september's here and we have nothing to fear

 

9/5 - 39th day out beacon-wrestling this year and my 22nd solo lap - a grand final salute to sailing summer - the shade for sure in the mid-afternoon, but the wind hot n' gusty like the doors of a blast furnace thrown open soon after the gilded glut-fuck of the earth has oozed forth - i glide up the corner, free of fear i figure as if a man is to die doing something totally trivial it oughta at least be in the first flush of the full work-year dawning

 

big things coming to the big stone - many machines on ix, plans within plans, i must parse politics with my ever-present award-winning personality

 

9/6 - been 40 days w/ some of dem nights - a boozy sleep-in n' lazy orbit outwards past the car-fucked ozone - never seen the lot at beacon so full i had to park way afore the trail - larry fresh off getting dumped by jimbo, wandering around like only lash can w/ that laconic look on - geoff in the revenge a few moments later - the trio of us spent a good bit of the day on ground zero, me savoring the shade, sipping beers from the cooler and the camels - great gusts all day, raining dust from above - ole'geoff had to go a bit early so we settled for fixing the first full pitch n' left the rope fixed for next week - coulda stayed out awhile for a moonlight ramble but was too desirous of nap n' nosh

9/8 - 41st day, 23rd solo lap for the year - a day long in coming - 12 falls ago i did my first climb of the corner w/ sketchy-todd the marine - he assured me he'd done it before and led the crux 2nd pitch overhang and slab - i don't recall the details - something like 30 minutes into the pitch he went over the overhang and dissappeared from sight - 30 more minutes went by - a soloist passed us - another hour went past - the soloist passed us again - "how's my boy doing, dude?" "aww man, shit, he didn't look like he was doing so well"

 

so...12 years later and i've come a little way, but today was the day that wouldn't have suprised me then but did now

 

the crux hold(s) after the overhang are GONE

 

all energy moves according to the whims of the Great Magnet - God Beacon is beckoned down ever lower each passing year, and soon enough the whole shit-show to be sucked under the crust n' recirculated to be Born Again until the sun grows fat in its dottage and restarts the cycle all over on a far more cosmic scale

 

so...then...caution is called for as the crux part of the crux pitch is a new beast now - discovering this for the first time sans cord not quite the what-have-you i was wanting, but i'll take that over not riding the bitter-bit down to the ground when it was finally time for it to go

 

the new situation is perhaps not long for the earth either - as is, i fear flopped onto my knees and pawed over, putting plenty of force onto the only other x-marked block still in the neighborhood, which holds good enough but is rotten-awful too - in fact damn near the whole panel by the overhang reverberates to the palm when pounded on - i think it's time to re-locate one or two of the spikes from the north side - who's w/ me?

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

 

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

 

9/2 - day 37 - corner lap 20 - my 17th campaign commences as another legion of students saunters into another sultry september classroom, soon i'll have spent more time standing then sitting in such a situation, so to speak - august over, the autumn clearly waxing as the beacon weather blew cold and gloomy, rain on the way - all the signs of summer's demise present - the river low, low, low - elk in great batches down by the creek - yellow leaves all bursting out on the oaks

 

9/3 - 38th bacon-basted day of this bitter year - 21st corner lap, though i was sketched enough of the loosening crux block as to practice down-soloing bits of the first pitch to persuade meself i'd not be bitch-fucked if it all went wrong, nor to do a 2nd lap but instead steam home for an early super w/ the little-people

 

fall again, the world turns gray and we must follow - a cool breeze in the deep shade - september's here and we have nothing to fear

 

9/5 - 39th day out beacon-wrestling this year and my 22nd solo lap - a grand final salute to sailing summer - the shade for sure in the mid-afternoon, but the wind hot n' gusty like the doors of a blast furnace thrown open soon after the gilded glut-fuck of the earth has oozed forth - i glide up the corner, free of fear i figure as if a man is to die doing something totally trivial it oughta at least be in the first flush of the full work-year dawning

 

big things coming to the big stone - many machines on ix, plans within plans, i must parse politics with my ever-present award-winning personality

 

9/6 - been 40 days w/ some of dem nights - a boozy sleep-in n' lazy orbit outwards past the car-fucked ozone - never seen the lot at beacon so full i had to park way afore the trail - larry fresh off getting dumped by jimbo, wandering around like only lash can w/ that laconic look on - geoff in the revenge a few moments later - the trio of us spent a good bit of the day on ground zero, me savoring the shade, sipping beers from the cooler and the camels - great gusts all day, raining dust from above - ole'geoff had to go a bit early so we settled for fixing the first full pitch n' left the rope fixed for next week - coulda stayed out awhile for a moonlight ramble but was too desirous of nap n' nosh

 

9/8 - 41st day, 23rd solo lap for the year - a day long in coming - 12 falls ago i did my first climb of the corner w/ sketchy-todd the marine - he assured me he'd done it before and led the crux 2nd pitch overhang and slab - i don't recall the details - something like 30 minutes into the pitch he went over the overhang and dissappeared from sight - 30 more minutes went by - a soloist passed us - another hour went past - the soloist passed us again - "how's my boy doing, dude?" "aww man, shit, he didn't look like he was doing so well"

 

so...12 years later and i've come a little way, but today was the day that wouldn't have suprised me then but did now

 

the crux hold(s) after the overhang are GONE

 

all energy moves according to the whims of the Great Magnet - God Beacon is beckoned down ever lower each passing year, and soon enough the whole shit-show to be sucked under the crust n' recirculated to be Born Again until the sun grows fat in its dottage and restarts the cycle all over on a far more cosmic scale

 

so...then...caution is called for as the crux part of the crux pitch is a new beast now - discovering this for the first time sans cord not quite the what-have-you i was wanting, but i'll take that over not riding the bitter-bit down to the ground when it was finally time for it to go

 

the new situation is perhaps not long for the earth either - as is, i fear flopped onto my knees and pawed over, putting plenty of force onto the only other x-marked block still in the neighborhood, which holds good enough but is rotten-awful too - in fact damn near the whole panel by the overhang reverberates to the palm when pounded on - i think it's time to re-locate one or two of the spikes from the north side - who's w/ me?

9/10 - douglass adams day for me out at the big-b, my 24th lap too - a bevy of old bastards at the base: sal, larry n' jimbo, all juiced up n' jabbery - jibes against the Great Satan that tossed off the sacred corner bits - light airs, limpid sky and sullen river - clanking machines wage war against the many boulders by the big river down at the dock, making the way broad and deep for the freshets of fall

 

kee-rist i hate the new reality of the route - can't figure out how to pull the overhang now w/o desperately ending up on my knees and yarding down on a block that will not suffer a fool such as this so sweetly when it blows in its big way

[pink]

[ivan]

he just ain't trying hard enough

[stevetimetravlr]

I watched a guy lead that pitch yesterday, and he didn't pull the crux over the overhang, but went a little left and then straight up until he could cut back right. The lady with him followed no problem. not sure what its rated that way or if its more secure but it might offer a solution to the problem.

 

[billcoe]

 

Yup, Steves got it, route goes fine that way and in fact that's the way the route use to go in the early 70's. Trend left and up, right up under that roof was a bolt or 2 for belaying 5.6. Next lead stepped right onto the slab and up the dihedral crack. Jim cleaned out the slab so you don't have to stay in the corner. You'd leave snag ledge, traverse and climb the crux @20 up to that belay to the anchors in one 40M pitch. I went out with JT last year and lapped it that way to get a bootie cam (unable to pull it) and it's still good to go with one exception (PAY ATTENTION IVAN). Where the bootie cam was looks like it might be a bit of an expanding flake. I was thinking that a 3/4" angle hammered in there would flex it and the cam would pop out. Both Jeff and I were concerned that it might pop the whole flake off, Measures @ 1-1/2 feet x 6-9" thick. Looks like a nice crack for pro, but I think it's an illusion. So we passed on doing the work and left the cam. Might be a great fixed piece for beginners.

 

Per JT the route, when first done, was led off the ledge we all know and love. Don't know when the lil 1/4 bolts were put in, probably soon afterwards. I think Jim cleaned the current version out and put in the anchor currently there on the ledge. It's a heck of a lot better now, but ask him about that. Anyway, instead of going up and over, just keep to the leftish @ 8-10 feet more, then step right onto the slab. Once you figure out the moves it's gonna seem simple, but if you get your sequence screwed up it's gonna seem a lot harder. The flake is entirely avoidable I believe from poor memory. The pro isn't as good either but you can make it work.

 

My rotator cuff surgery repair is coming along...slowly. I hope to get my first corner lap in this year @ late October in what will be poorly remembered, if at all, as the season of supreme suckage.

 

xoxo

[kevbone]

There is a great way to go to the right of the usual way. There is a bolt without a hanger on it. Goes about 5.8. Better rock.

[kevbone]

BTW.....I am headed to Squamish this next week for the entire week. YEAH!!!!!

[ivan]

i fear change

[ivan]

1/15/14 - day 1 - what better way to mark mlk's berfday (and my inaugural beacon ascent of this foul year of our lord two-ought-fourteen) than to "climb to the mountain-top?"

 

the national wedder service promised portentous skies, a bold moon, a hero-ascent, but mike n' geoff n' i settled for much less - cloud murk on the evening drive - a shaft of bright sun at cope horn, than all gone, sucked down into a cloud vortex, a river of moist, cold air motoring on down to portland

 

the rock super slobbery gob-smacked wet n' drippy n' perspiring beads of putrid moss-muck - soon full dark and just cans of flowery beer n' bike-bottles of sweet-wine to pass the time waiting for one warrior-poet-god-king or t'other to Put the Rope up there

 

to the new season and to the storms that will not settle until they have shit all they have to shat upon us!

 

1/21/14 - day 2 - my first solo lap of 2014 and the first maybe for me ever in the month dedicated to that dolorous diety, janus, the god of fortune n' gaudy expectations for the gaunt future - exam week for these ersatz earthlings, they don't seem to deem it of much import - quaint conversations with a curious few in my office hours, some felicitous graduates even stopped on by, delaying me w/o thought as the daylight ticked away and we dispensed w/ the troubled history of the Temple Mount

 

a savage head-wind on the drive in - not warp 9 mind you, but we've definitely made the jump to light-speed - the big bulk of the durango barely making head-way it seemed - the lot w/ two rides of climbers, and good-ole kenny one of them - i froze as i fumbled into my high-tech war-gear and spritned down the trail, croc-shod, just to stay warm - trees down all over the place - folks bailing down young warriors - kenny n' arent just casting off up the corner, all glistening dry n' clambery after last week's sodden adventure

 

climb 50 feet to a stance - thrust fingers against my bare belly to bring back the feeling, then 50 feet more - blasted through the distance w/ dispatch, eschewing uprising n' opting for the longer exit - both peregrines flapping n' screeching n' flyign off as i surprised them at the top by the pin, me deep under 3 layers of hat, head down and figuring what's the worst case scenario should they dive-bomb me?

 

happy, happy day - 1 month of winter dispensed with and more sun for a good long pull still predicted - half the school year done with and we head for the long downhill that bowls us merrily out into summer in the Big Ditch n' anything else mis amigos can propose for diversion

 

1/22 - day 3 - lap 2 of the new year - beacon all alone, nary a soul on the south side - solid grey gloom all day in camas but sunbreaks and inspirations on the drive in, cooled by camels n' a can of rolling rock - cold but much less wind than yesterday, the ranger flag barely flapping - an uneventful ascent n' an easy ramble on down, discoursing w/ a few tourists n' sopping up the views of the dappled river n' dim, setting sun

 

1/24 - day 4 - truly, a january hat-trick, such a stretch of weather so close to our tragic shut-down i can't recollect - warp 5 winds at cape horn, helm's a lee and shuddering at the next road-cut, truly wing n' a prayer conditions on the drive-in

 

kenny's ride in the lot, i crawl into my war-kit n' cast off, scudding down the trail w/ my top-masts unfurled, screeching down the thing before my tits freeze off - race up the corner in the hurricane wind, my hands down my pants every half-pitch, hand-job from a stranger it feels in the forceful breeze - my breath grabbed from my lungs before i can suck it in, panting

 

beers n' butts down by the boat-launch, fuckers passed out in the sweat-lodge again, rocked by the endless gales gusting over from the island - plans to make plans w/ adam n' kenny n' geoff for the what-have-you on hood soon hereafter

 

can this mad season manage to continue?

 

1/31 - day 5 - the dying day, beacon about to be banned and gone till the sun of summer grows high in the western sky - i dreamed that this stretch of winter-dry might linger, but it was not to last- rain all week, not a chance of a solo - friday the final desperate hope, the signs all set to be cemented into place - fuck off you unfeeling fumbling freak

 

no partner could i prepare - mike too molested - kenny contaminated - adam all a'hoo - so i drove out in the growing dusk, gunmetal gray all around, a fresh pack of poison n' a wondrous hip-flask of you-know-what - i lusted that i might arrive to an ecological aberration, a monstrous monolith undamaged by the falling damps of late; slut-dream i deemed, and damned so it turned out - the lot besodden n' me too it seemed - no courage at all to contend w/ the dripping cliffs - i settled instead for a romp up the retard trail, rope in tail

 

a pleasant rappel it shoulda been, but my belay device turned bitchy, and i tossed it into the trash-heap after - hurk n' jerk n' force-feed, the 'biner all besmirched w/ rope-shakings - a smoke n'a few-fingers on the ledge, then continued on down, the day dying and the golden globe breaking out in bold shafts of light at the last minute - finally at the base, in the dark, i trod along the way w/ bottle n' soaked in the scene so soon to be denied - up the trail at last, i found the preternatural phucks had already posted their signs closing the fucker down!

 

to summer, may it soon come!

 

2/22 - day 6 - calm n' chilly - snow in the trenches of the north side - busted burritoes - bad black-ass coffee - a ringing crescendo of a half-baked hangover - siege tactics - lawn chair - hammering - beer(s) n' satan smoke - red rover red rover - calm at the end of day

 

bryan hanging on the big-green-big-boi

drippy drippy drippy

crept back into the deeps of the glistening cave

 

3/8 - day viii - a pre-pour cascade chevauchee - mike, the jovian giant, rides the road to greet me there - weeds and whimperings - a gift of gods, road-smokes - the sodden trail so soon it climbs - waterfalls past whispering volumes - the cobble-stone cliffs a proper place to puff a butt n' down the dregs of harsh ales - rain upon the return to the road - vivian savaging the scofflaws

 

3/16 - 9th day - a sunday stolt - sad rain predicted, but not so grim it ended - geoff at camas right at the crack of nine, me awoke on the couch, gob-smacked, not a few minutes before - reborn in beer stench and debasement

 

went adventurneering - hiking up to the top, then scrambled down to big trees n' fixed a big long rope to a tree, rapped down, conquered n' crooned, then jugged back up - fun times - the big old log sent down 2 falls ago found all bound-up tight to a tree anchor - mental lines drone over dreary block-land

 

later did some adventure rapping down the west side, then clambered back up the alpine route to 3-tree ledge, finishing w/ a funky-sad rap for geoff back down to the ground

 

4/25-27 - days 10-12 - the long awaited hollabahoo - infernal plans pondered n proceeded upon even as mudder-earth pissed relentlessly all over them - friday mike, geoff n' i hike 6 ropes up to the summit, hop the railing, n' fix from there to the ground - bursts of sunshine here and there - the work quickly over and we head over, swingers-style, 3 of us in 3 cars to discover the whereabouts of the secret rebel base

 

a fine evenign drinking all kinds of things as the rain came and went - yer lebowski lebowski, etc, etc

 

saturday not so terrible at first w/ sun and scudding clouds - strangers assemble - the party grows by leaps and bounds - eventually a few of us head off to jug the lines - some wierd spots here and there and i nearly killed unknown tourists by kicking off a few good sized stones - at the summit i drank a beer than promptly damn-near broke my ankle by turning over on it while walking down the stairs and dodging the tourons - sigh...

 

saturday evening too epic to attempt description - dogs n' kids, raffels, ole'opdycke, speeches and salutations, the savage post-amniotic scene splayed out - rain builds upon rain, the beers go deeper and deeper, and soon the day rode out of me

 

sunday really quite nasty w/ wind and sheets of steel rain - a slow stumble-fuck back to the summit after breaking camp n' making our farewells - felt tempted to turn back from the recovery operation at the moment of truth but luckily geoff dissappeared over the edge and it was too late - not too tough to get it all back, thanks to help from geoff n' dave - strong weather once we hit earth, but then the weekend was over and it was time for wine n' school work n' hbo-fare

 

happy 70th old man

 

may day! #13 for the year (holy sheeit muslims, should i've known that, i'd a been a mit more skert!)

 

lovely wedder, wicked hawt for spring - crunchy moss - many tourons - birds bitching n' circling n' crying all over the place

 

hum along fellow travelers, hum along

 

Stand up, damned of the Earth

Stand up, prisoners of starvation

Reason thunders in its volcano

This is the eruption of the end.

Of the past let us make a clean slate

Enslaved masses, stand up, stand up.

The world is about to change its foundation

We are nothing, let us be all.

This is the final struggle

Let us group together, and tomorrow

The Internationale

Will be the human race.

 

5/7 - #14 - a rare may-day 24-hour wedder-window - bright sunshine n' light wind - the river runs full - lions abound, loll n' leap, embayed, the waves lap over them - damn near cock-blocked by bastard choo-choos way back at the dawn of day

 

5/12 - #15 - piercing sun, a soothing, steady breeze, and balmy skies - no time for cheap heroics, just an hour between bothersome obligations - a quick blitz and off i wandered - beautiful, sloe-eyed ladies on the trail, so very nice

 

5/14 - day sixteen - hell of an evening for a hike, the lot stale and empty near dusk - a bitter day of bickering w/ the man and waging holy jihad on behalf of my perplexed polity - all is fair in love n' hate, no?

 

5/15-6 - days 17-18 - awful bickering w/ vicious bastards across an itty-bitty table followed by lunar ambulations followed by a day of drooling, dumb-founded by dipshits, done at last with a pleasant stroll up a sunny trail into the soothing sky

 

5/20 - number 19 - after strong storms sunday, all is clear and bright and dryish and balmy - a billion boaters sucking up the salmon on the main channel, no doubt the source of the strong salmon stank in the bathroom - the n side in groovy, groovy conditions - peregrines pirouetting n' screeching piss off despite their confusion on which side exactly they have for their private privations - summer's breathe subsuming all

 

5/22 - day 20 - strange storms brewing, vexing vapors rise and seethe at the setting sun - a quick run up the well-worn trail and back for politics n' pissing matches before the working-man's day was even done - a mere month till the sweet solstice, then california dreams and soon that southern bitch will be blossomed-up n' street-legal once more?

 

6/4 - blackjaaaack! - choking, guttering, drowning in my own bile doing battle w/ these bilious bastards - no space to see, no air to breathe - jesus christ man, the weasels have built condos 'round this mother-fucker they've been camped out here so long. fled in horror in the middle of a meeting and slummed me way out, nipping on luke-warm stale keg-beer on the short cruise. a quick rattle on up, sleazy tourists in tattered tee's abiding everywhere. will it never be dawn?

 

D-Day, 70 years on - Day Double Dos for the Year - geoff rolls into the bk a tad late, all tricked out in his curvaceous corvette, me sucking down rapidly warming swill in the shade and puzzling over my biblical tome regarding the life n' times of that cornelius vanderbilt motherfucker

 

a true rare day, how often do you climb something new at beacon? last year i saw them old fellers working out their labor of love near the spike route and today was finally the day to give it a go - wow, what a wonderfully unusual bit of stone it saunters up - the second pitch the most slab-tacular out at beacon - amazingly crisp and clean rock w/ millions of microscopic curious cross-hatched horizontal lines that make smearing oh-so-sweet - geoff got that lead and suffered for it - i followed and couldn't figure out how not to cheat at one point in wierd pod, feet all askew and off-line

 

we rambled on up to the trail after a sesh at rancho relaxo - those upper pitches so super stupid it's a wonder i do them even once a year - oceans of oak, and me in shorts like i've not an iota of an idea what the fuck i'm at

 

3 days of damned seniors left to suffer through - the rock n' roll types clearing out the pipes and set-ready to start belting out "schooooooooooooool's ooooooooooout foooooor daa suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmer!!!!!!!"

 

6/11 - day 23 - mighty prime - another day of gentle ambulations, alcohol-adled, on the north side on sublime slab routes i'd not yet done - sailed out swiftly in the hms revenge w/ first mate swabbie silverman - fun n' games n' all that shit, up-down-n-all-around - allergy attacks for the lot of us n' shaping out to be a shitty season for the mozzies too ta boot - a sleepy drive home, my all slumber-stupid after awaking in the awful dawn to get the familias on that far-flying plane on back to the old dominion - 3 more work days till we say fukit to the welter-weight blues

 

7/14 - die XXIV - opening n' bastille day bitches, there's new baguette-muff on the field - rumors were of a rock wicked-hot, yet arrived mid-afternoon to cool temps n' pleasant breezes - shot up young warriors w/ geoff n' saw no sign of that kurious kev-bone feller, yet i was sure he'd have been up n' at it long afore we arrived - jim n' kenny did the corner about the same time and was glorious to see ole'jim giddup the route w/o a hitch despite his big what-have-you of a few months back - beers n' bullshiting at the ledge, not a fucking cigarette between the whole dirty lot of us - i felt so healthy and like a herpes-ridden cock-handler at the same time

 

7/15 - day 25 - 20 years ago this night i finally got into the good graces of the woman i've been w/ ever since

 

dodd's w/ a spot of wind-surf'n in the morn w/ ben n' his boy, then afternoon jill's w/ kenny after a head-swim'n sesh out at the no-bo-trifecta w/ smoky jim, a new stranger n' plenty wierd - kevbone thrown'n down on the warrior - american teenage spirit permeating through the day - the no-bo circle complete - wine n' ginned up neighbors - a plan for the morrow crafted and curved to fit the needs of a world on the crest of a true and beautiful wave

 

7/16 - #26 - last day alone for the summer - woke in fog and tempest in the mid-morning - sleep w/ dogs, wake w/ fleas, confirmed - wine n' breakfast n' tidying up - long pull to bonneville by 1 to fetch young kenneth - lightning ascent of warriors and good fun in the breeze n' shade - down just in time to sprint out to pdx to bring the magic home - gardening n' gabbing - pizza n' parlor tricks - mid-summer satisfaction

 

7/19-20 - days 27 n' 28 - saturday morning doldrums, drifting along on drink and dregs of home-chores - afternoon ambulations camas-ways - bday parties for little bitty peoples - robots and addled adult ramblings - felicitations to the family-folk and fumbled east-wards as evening set in - galloped through the gorge w/ gutfuls of pabst n' crawfuls of camels- emergency core-breach at st. clouds - beacon in the gloaming - geoff in the h.m.s. revenge - giddy-upped the good old corner, passing near a dozen dawdling just below the tip-top - 11 minutes trail to base, pouring sweat and huff-puffing like a wounded fuck

 

party at the no-bo moon-tower soon thereafter - 'skitters n' grill-fare - kids n' cosmo n' numerous curious-fucks - slide show n' half-hearted heckling (i should try harder ) - the evening wore on n' geoff left to Defend his Castle (flush w/ glory after getting hisself a new-gem that day) - Many Beers - the bridge well after midnight, brush and brambles at my half-shod heels - passed out hard near 2 a.m., my sleepign bag for a pillow yet somehow i was well within it by sunrise

 

sunday half-bright and broody - the auold-folks awake - a quick exit even as the weasels wiggle in - out to beaocn for a days-gone-by lap - jibber-jabber w/ jihad-joe as i suck down a pre-noon pabst - the Long Highway home - hashbrowns - helluva time to take a nap

 

7/25 - day 29 for 2014 - days of storm n' souse - good times w/ the kids in camp, hard rains, and little to do but fuck-all w/ the recently-returned wife (so to speak, literally not literally)

 

planned to climb w/ minnesota adam who i'd not seen since the garden of eden just outside the dynamite cave had been inundated w/ rain in rare days gone by - busted cars n' busted dreams that day, but a spectacular last minute save sucked the bitterness out of the expedition at least

 

tuesday we'd planned at first but morning after morning after morning of ruinous damps downshifted us to friday instead - all set to saunter off in mid-morning

 

i was a bit late meself to the bk-rendezvous after binging n' purging until late the night afore on norse horror-films, stale beer and basic astronomy textbooks - no white boy upon arrival, kewl - kinda thought maybe he'd just boomed out to beacon after i waited 30 minutes - bought some smokes just in case the cosmos had decreed this and went bounding out there w/ a wistful air about me when he still hadn't showed - nope, no early-riser waiting to regard me w/ edged, red eyes, so did a lap on the corner to see if maybe he wouldn't arrive eventually - got back down n' met that ole'boy rick in the lot and smoked all kinds of things, gesticulated wildy and talking-tall while him n' his kid started banging up cruising - this new feller george came gambolling along n' we ended up doing some good things - great guy that newborn-babe-in-the-woods - he got his first leads of crusing and free for all and crushed them

 

ended up w/ jimbo for a while - all your favorite conspiracies considered - goddamn muslims, moon-bases on mars, mormons sucking satan's cock, etc - parted ways as the shade came side-saddling over the south-side n' finished off the day w/ an overladen second solo lap - gallumped on back home well before the banishment of day to break bread w/ the little people and puzzle out this precious weekend before us

 

may summer never die

 

7/27 - XXX - 17th corner lap of the year so far - crawled down the gorge w/ the family crew to drop the little lady off at her girl scout camp - the way back we sauntered up the bacon-wand w/ dog n' friends, me breaking off to do a solo lap n' meet them up top - newbs looking awful lost at the base, casting off 30 feet right of crusing when they were looking for the corner - good times on the walk down and the long way back

 

8/6 - day 31 - hiroshima day, and only half as hot - not been climbing much of late after inexplicably mangling my shoulder while horsing around w/ the kids - gave it a test run w/ the great and powerful kenny on the mere corner - left some fine literature up on the ledge for all you fucking heathens to study on

 

8/8 - #32 - took ole'calen out for his first climb and he did well on rhythm method n' the 1st pitch of the corner - most memorable event of the day, a long train heading east carrying a huge cargo of what smelled like festering fetuses - holy shit, the market in dead hookers must be booming in montana

 

8/9 - 69 years after nagasaki got kicked square in the nuts - 33rd beacon excursion for the year - a midnight full moonlight ascent w/ ze phuzzy - frogs n' bats n' owls dominate the deadly-still air - heavily laden w/ homebrew and commercial swill we sashayed our way up in the elven-ambiance, bullshitting n' bantering on a billion topics so long the dawn began dragging it's ass into the eastern-wings of the amber sky as we reached the trail - amazing drive home w/ the ocher-orb huge and low in the west, casting conflicting shadows it seemed in its bitter battle w/ big brother

 

8/23-4 - days 34-35 - the ass-hit of summer - a good long time since i'd had a taste of bacon - a week at the beach w/ the famibily chilling in the cool, cool sands - a good bit of a week clambering at wolf rcoks, then some random work and then shit, here it all is - good times w/ the powderhund n' squire geoff

 

swam the river from the boat launch out to the bird island - always wanted to see the wall from there and the water was crazy warm - turns out you only have to swim half the distance and can wade the rest

 

we a 3-some on warriors - kenny n' company along the way - the russkis above - crackers crawling all over this scaly lizard-prick - dusk approaches - left the lawyer n' the shit at the top of the raps n' romped back down to pick up the party supplies - a crowd in the lot, good times ensued - stumble-fucked up the trail sans headlamp in the dark purple of the sunless night - munched on sandwiches n' pringles n' howled at the moon - perfect temps, not a breathe of wind - bats n' shooting stars - fine music until that bastard decided it was time to rap back to portland

 

sunday dawned bright n' early - scampered up to the trail n' down the bathroom for a christian crap - bryan didn't quite see the need - fumbled around on riverside but we were probably both too hungover for having it - back at the base for right gull - nearly killed folks when i kicked off a block on pitch 2 - tasty fish n' bagel sammies - back home soon enough for pizza w/ the little people and the dread reality of Work Tomorrow

 

highlights: great swim, balmly night, evidence of some sad soul making the Big Spit all over the anchor on snag ledge

 

8/27 - day 36 - 18 n 19th laps of the year - scorching sun - busted block on the snag ledge traverse - both jugs past the overhang on p2 marked w/ pink-X's and deserving of it - the world winds over on itself and is the worse for it - the moon is broken and the sky is cracked

 

9/2 - day 37 - corner lap 20 - my 17th campaign commences as another legion of students saunters into another sultry september classroom, soon i'll have spent more time standing then sitting in such a situation, so to speak - august over, the autumn clearly waxing as the beacon weather blew cold and gloomy, rain on the way - all the signs of summer's demise present - the river low, low, low - elk in great batches down by the creek - yellow leaves all bursting out on the oaks

 

9/3 - 38th bacon-basted day of this bitter year - 21st corner lap, though i was sketched enough of the loosening crux block as to practice down-soloing bits of the first pitch to persuade meself i'd not be bitch-fucked if it all went wrong, nor to do a 2nd lap but instead steam home for an early super w/ the little-people

 

fall again, the world turns gray and we must follow - a cool breeze in the deep shade - september's here and we have nothing to fear

 

9/5 - 39th day out beacon-wrestling this year and my 22nd solo lap - a grand final salute to sailing summer - the shade for sure in the mid-afternoon, but the wind hot n' gusty like the doors of a blast furnace thrown open soon after the gilded glut-fuck of the earth has oozed forth - i glide up the corner, free of fear i figure as if a man is to die doing something totally trivial it oughta at least be in the first flush of the full work-year dawning

 

big things coming to the big stone - many machines on ix, plans within plans, i must parse politics with my ever-present award-winning personality

 

9/6 - been 40 days w/ some of dem nights - a boozy sleep-in n' lazy orbit outwards past the car-fucked ozone - never seen the lot at beacon so full i had to park way afore the trail - larry fresh off getting dumped by jimbo, wandering around like only lash can w/ that laconic look on - geoff in the revenge a few moments later - the trio of us spent a good bit of the day on ground zero, me savoring the shade, sipping beers from the cooler and the camels - great gusts all day, raining dust from above - ole'geoff had to go a bit early so we settled for fixing the first full pitch n' left the rope fixed for next week - coulda stayed out awhile for a moonlight ramble but was too desirous of nap n' nosh

 

9/8 - 41st day, 23rd solo lap for the year - a day long in coming - 12 falls ago i did my first climb of the corner w/ sketchy-todd the marine - he assured me he'd done it before and led the crux 2nd pitch overhang and slab - i don't recall the details - something like 30 minutes into the pitch he went over the overhang and dissappeared from sight - 30 more minutes went by - a soloist passed us - another hour went past - the soloist passed us again - "how's my boy doing, dude?" "aww man, shit, he didn't look like he was doing so well"

 

so...12 years later and i've come a little way, but today was the day that wouldn't have suprised me then but did now

 

the crux hold(s) after the overhang are GONE

 

all energy moves according to the whims of the Great Magnet - God Beacon is beckoned down ever lower each passing year, and soon enough the whole shit-show to be sucked under the crust n' recirculated to be Born Again until the sun grows fat in its dottage and restarts the cycle all over on a far more cosmic scale

 

so...then...caution is called for as the crux part of the crux pitch is a new beast now - discovering this for the first time sans cord not quite the what-have-you i was wanting, but i'll take that over not riding the bitter-bit down to the ground when it was finally time for it to go

 

the new situation is perhaps not long for the earth either - as is, i fear flopped onto my knees and pawed over, putting plenty of force onto the only other x-marked block still in the neighborhood, which holds good enough but is rotten-awful too - in fact damn near the whole panel by the overhang reverberates to the palm when pounded on - i think it's time to re-locate one or two of the spikes from the north side - who's w/ me?

 

9/10 - douglass adams day for me out at the big-b, my 24th lap too - a bevy of old bastards at the base: sal, larry n' jimbo, all juiced up n' jabbery - jibes against the Great Satan that tossed off the sacred corner bits - light airs, limpid sky and sullen river - clanking machines wage war against the many boulders by the big river down at the dock, making the way broad and deep for the freshets of fall

 

kee-rist i hate the new reality of the route - can't figure out how to pull the overhang now w/o desperately ending up on my knees and yarding down on a block that will not suffer a fool such as this so sweetly when it blows in its big way

9/11 - 13 years ago i lived in a cursed city 3 hours from even a single pitch of decent climbing - as of today i had my 43rd day at a fine joint just 25 minutes from work and got my 25th solo lap of an astoundingly amusing easy, easy climb

 

took a good look at the recommended alternatives for the recently repugnated crux - in true late-summer beacon-form the new course is curiously chalked-up already - da'lright, guess it goes - sure ain't no reliable pro near it and leader or follower falling looks like it'll come w/ heart-ache, but this ain't exactly fucking golfing now is it?

 

the first finger-fucks of fall big n' fresh on the wall - great gusts galloping in from the west - not full-on winter wedder just yet, but da check is in the mail - my awning at home all ripped to shreds when i returned - not a soul in sight with all that wind, it were lonely and loopy on the south side - sat on the ledge w/ beer n' book n' butts and savored the loudness of silence

[pink]