prole Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Best thing on Twitter. *Name: Justin *Bio: I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says # "You're being fucking dramatic. You own a TV and an air mattress. That's not exactly what I'd call "a lot to lose." 5:57 PM Oct 3rd from web # "You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house." 5:08 PM Oct 1st from web # "Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why's he gotta do a trick first? YOU don't have to do shit before YOU eat." 10:28 AM Sep 30th from web # "It's not the gardener's job to pick up the dog shit. If you don't want to pick up the dog shit, then learn a skill like gardening." 12:47 PM Sep 28th from web # Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don't ever say stuff just because you think you should. That's the definition of an asshole." 11:51 AM Sep 27th from web # "A scar ain't 13 god damned stitches. I'll introduce you to men with REAL scars, then we'll all laugh at your fucking 13 stitches together." 10:57 AM Sep 26th from web # "I'm sitting in one of those TGI Friday's places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth." 2:56 PM Sep 24th from web # "You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it." 10:46 AM Sep 23rd from web # "I wouldn't worry about money...No, it has a lot to do with happiness, I just meant YOU shouldn't worry, cause you'd just piss it away." 9:28 AM Sep 22nd from web # "No, you can not borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your fucking laundry?" 3:30 PM Sep 21st from web # I think the baby shit....Well, I'm smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem." 12:05 PM Sep 20th from web # "Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you." 10:38 AM Sep 19th from web # "The universe does not give a fuck about you. You are a speck in its shit." 3:00 PM Sep 17th from web # "Fucking Radio Shack. It's a wonder they even know how to use a bathroom and don't just walk around all day with shit in their pants." 12:08 PM Sep 16th from web # "Don't listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son." 11:57 AM Sep 15th from web # "Happy birthday, I didn't get you a present...Oh, mom got you one? Well, that's from me then too, unless it's shitty." 9:52 AM Sep 14th from web # "Anytime someone sells you food in a sack, it's not a sack of food, it's a sack of shit." 11:29 AM Sep 13th from web # "I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept." 8:54 AM Sep 11th from web # "Why the fuck would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi." 2:58 PM Sep 10th from web --more here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billcoe Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 ROTFLMAO!!!!! I got permanent smile! Thanks Prole! latest: ""Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimmo Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 not funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billcoe Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 is too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete_H Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Isn't 73 pretty old to be having a 29 y/o son? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Don't you outgrow twitter by what, 13? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottP Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Isn't 73 pretty old to be having a 29 y/o son? If/when I'm 73, my son will be 33. I started parenthood late because before that, I wasn't mature enough to even take care of myself, let alone someone else. As it turns out, I'm still not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billcoe Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Isn't 73 pretty old to be having a 29 y/o son? If/when I'm 73, my son will be 33. I started parenthood late because before that, I wasn't mature enough to even take care of myself, let alone someone else. As it turns out, I'm still not. LOL, and in realizing this, you are undoubtedly a much better dad. Congrats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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