Holy God....

[fenderfour]

The following is the _Unusual_Case_ case column from the July 1991

issue of the trade magazine _Medical_Aspects_of_Human_Sexuality_, by

William A. Morton, Jr.

 

Scrotum Self-Repair

 

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse.

She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem

other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's

troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously

uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his

trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

 

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to

remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling

stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice

the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag

laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

 

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some

half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were.

Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the

machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself

with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch

staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

 

We x-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him

to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum

antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery

the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and

debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty

staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened.

The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the

spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the

vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present.

Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and

the skin was loosely closed.

 

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital

less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to

me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at

lunchtime with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the

regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the

canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery. One day,

as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too

close to the belt. When his scrotum became caught between the pulley-

wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few

feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too

stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed

work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-

gratification.

 

[William A. Morton is a retired urologist residing in West Chester,

Pennsylvania.]

[i_like_sun]

OH CHRIST, THATS INCREDIBLE!!!!

 

I now know WHY I want to be a doctor........

 

I also NOW know never to masterbate around power tools.......

 

Thanks for sharing this. It seriously made my complete day!

[lizard_brain]

I now know WHY I want to be a doctor........

 

...A urologist, maybe?

 

I also NOW know never to masterbate around power tools.......

 

If you do, keep the staplegun nearby.

 

[archenemy]

ok, so the nakkid nerguy thing wasn't such a good idea after all.

[i_like_sun]

I now know WHY I want to be a doctor........

 

...A urologist, maybe?

 

 

 

 

No. Probably Cardiology or Endocrinology. And maybe I'll do a specialty in high altitude masterbation I mean medicine?

 

 

 

Why didn't the guy use something BESIDES staples????? I mean, if it were me (fuck I'm glad its not) I'd use something like DUCT TAPE or, chewing gum........

[fenderfour]

I make it a point to keep my genitals away from power equipment. Never seemed like a good match...

[KaskadskyjKozak]

 

that story is so old...circulating the interweb for years

[i_like_sun]

that story is so old...circulating the interweb for years

 

 

SO WHAT! ITS STILL KICKS ASS!

[billcoe]

I make it a point to keep my genitals away from power equipment. Never seemed like a good match...

 

You must have a very lonely shopvac.........

[fenderfour]

...July 1991 issue of the trade magazine _Medical_Aspects_of_Human_Sexuality_, by

William A. Morton, Jr.

 

Ummm.yeah.

[Greta]

Just saw a guy in the ED that had been injecting milk and beer into his scrotum. I asked him "why milk?"

 

It had been going fine until he managed to break the needle off in his sack. Im not sure how he did this, but it was clear that he had misplaced the sharp upon viewing the xray. The whole while, he was pretty nonchelant about the event. He wasnt in much pain, but likely sterile now

 

 

[lizard_brain]

...I'd use something like DUCT TAPE or, chewing gum........

 

I have one word for you... HAIR.

 

[lizard_brain]

...I'm just wondering who in the shop FOUND this "avulsed testis", and what they thought it was! And if they didn't find it, is it still there, shriveled and stinking...

 

[archenemy]

I make it a point to keep my genitals away from power equipment. Never seemed like a good match...

Different story for the girls.

[fenderfour]

I make it a point to keep my genitals away from power equipment. Never seemed like a good match...

Different story for the girls.

 

...against the

canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery.

 

This seems likee a bit much, even for you. "bedroom toys" shouldn't need a hard hat or safety glasses.

[i_like_sun]

...I'd use something like DUCT TAPE or, chewing gum........

 

I have one word for you... HAIR.

 

 

 

 

Very true. However, I personally would rather lose some genital hair than jam staples through my scrotum! Youch!

[i_like_sun]

I make it a point to keep my genitals away from power equipment. Never seemed like a good match...

Different story for the girls.

 

 

 

[kevbone]

Holy shit.

[archenemy]

...I'd use something like DUCT TAPE or, chewing gum........

 

I have one word for you... HAIR.

 

 

Very true. However, I personally would rather lose some genital hair than jam staples through my scrotum! Youch!

You can be both plucked and pierced.

Edited May 15, 2007 by archenemy

[i_like_sun]

Archenemy, you are a very sick individual. Mental institution cough cough.....!

[archenemy]

You are young and uninitiated.

 

I am not that much more fucked up than other people, I just don't bother hiding it.

[sk]

...I'd use something like DUCT TAPE or, chewing gum........

 

I have one word for you... HAIR.

 

 

Very true. However, I personally would rather lose some genital hair than jam staples through my scrotum! Youch!

You can be both plucked and pierced.

 

and spanked and shocked and tied up and hot waxed and punished... oh my *sigh*

[sk]

You are young and uninitiated.

 

I am not that much more fucked up than other people, I just don't bother hiding it.

 

thats not at all fucked up... alternative perhaps... and also dreamy

[archenemy]

See.

 

 

Let's get married right now. I can't keep waiting for Sherri. We'll just let her catch up later.

Edited May 15, 2007 by archenemy

[sk]

See.

 

 

Let's get married right now. I can't keep waiting for Sherri. We'll just let her catch up later.

Deal