Where's the Empathy?

[Jason_Martin]

Tonight we went out to look at baby stuff. We’re having a baby which – as many of you know – makes you think about things in a different light. Tonight we went to a restaurant and watched families eat with their toddlers beside them. And tonight we passed a police line.

 

It wasn’t clear what was going on at first. We were driving. There were lights. There were patrol cops directing traffic. And there were a lot of people. A lot of people…

 

As we were directed by, it became clear that there was a terrible accident. A motorcycle lay crumpled on the side of the road and a plastic tarp was placed carefully over a broken body. Clearly this isn’t something that one likes to see after baby shopping. It’s not something I like to see at all.

 

But apparently I’m in the minority.

 

As we were directed through a parking lot to go around the accident, more people arrived. Rubber-neckers they’re called; people who can’t help but look at the blood. Indeed, some of these appear to be people who relish at the sight of it.

 

We moved slowly through the lot. People were flooding out of a nearby neighborhood to look and were blocking traffic. It was about nine o’clock at night in a suburb so some were wearing robes. There was even a woman wearing some kind of white skin cream all over her face. These people made a special trip out to see what was going on. These people made a special trip to see a dead person.

 

There is something warped about this. Those driving by and looking are one thing, but people who decide to leave their houses in order to see a dead body are another. There is clearly some kind of disconnect. A person lost his life. Others found this event to be an exciting diversion a little bit more interesting than the normal Monday night line-up on television.

 

In the film Stand by Me, a group of young boys go on a journey to see a dead body. And when they finally reach the body, they encounter something they did not expect. They encounter their own mortality and they come away from the experience more sober. They come away as better people and somehow more grown-up.

 

I don’t think that’s what was going on tonight. Instead, people were going away to text their friends about what they saw. Instead, people were making cell phone calls to tell others where the action was. Instead, people were going away excited…excited that they got to see a dead person. Excited because they didn’t know the person, so he had no bearing on their lives. Just plain excited…

 

[G-spotter]

Instead, people were running home so they could be the first to post a moralistic essay to cc.com about the incident?

[Jason_Martin]

Just musing...

[sk]

jason,

 

I am sorry for your experience. last summer when i saw a motor cycle accident i had the opposite experience. everyone who stopped wanted to lend a hand or help in some way. there were few rubberneckers and there were lots of people hugging and some crying. there are good people in the world.

 

keep the faith.

~muffin

[archenemy]

I believe empathy means that you relate to a person b/c you have actually gone through the same experience yourself whereas sympathy means you feel sorry for someone whose shoes you have never been in before--the grammar police can correct me on this. But, besides this detail, people are fascinated by death. It is the one supernatural experience we are all assured to have. Stepping out your front door in face cream to see it or feeling a twinge when coming across it is normal. It doesn't mean the person doesn't go back to their own life without a moment of reflection--both for the newly dead and their own impending death. We all deal with it in our own way.

 

I am sorry you had to see folks' reactions. And then again, I am not. Good for you for looking away from your object of empathy/sympathy and noticing those around you. And you are right that some of those people will text their friends. Some will post in spray about their experience. Some will have nightmares. All will die. But I for one am glad we can communicate about it in some way...

Edited May 8, 2007 by archenemy

[catbirdseat]

Jason, these people live fake lives. They view this as a chance to experience something real. You live life fully through climbing, so it's different for you. You know what life and death is. These people only know what they see on television.

[JayB]

Instead, people were running home so they could be the first to post a moralistic essay to cc.com about the incident?

 

 

 

[archenemy]

I think that is a gross overgeneralization. People are people--they are human beings with lives just as real and as important, intense, painful, and joyful as any of ours. I can't see how TV would make a difference--but I've never owned and watched one, so I can't attest to the validity of that. However, I assume that people are completely capable of discerning the difference between what is real and what is not. And anyone who is driving by and assuming that they understand the impact that a scene like this has on a person surely can give just a little room to allow for the possibility that their take on folks may be wrong.

[Jason_Martin]

I was thinking about G-Spotter's response...and indeed you could say that I'm part of the problem. I wanted to share my thoughts with this community to hear how people might respond. I was disgusted by the people flocking to the accident. That is the point of my initial post and I was curious what kind of responses might appear to that.

 

But the people flocking to the accident were flocking to see this person's body. By reporting this incident, perhaps I too am exploiting this person's death.

 

If it appears that way, I'm sorry...that definately wasn't the intent.

 

Instead maybe the intent was to ask the question, are people more desenstized today than they were in the past? Have people always flocked to car accidents to see? Or is this really something that has begun to occur in the last fifty years?

[Jason_Martin]

I think that is a gross overgeneralization. And anyone who is driving by and assuming that they understand the impact that a scene like this has on a person surely can give just a little room to allow for the possibility that their take on folks may be wrong.

 

Certainly I could be wrong. Do you think I am? People rushing to look at a dead body, fighting to get around each other to see it... You decide...

[catbirdseat]

I think that is a gross overgeneralization. People are people--they are human beings with lives just as real and as important, intense, painful, and joyful as any of ours. I can't see how TV would make a difference--but I've never owned and watched one, so I can't attest to the validity of that. However, I assume that people are completely capable of discerning the difference between what is real and what is not. And anyone who is driving by and assuming that they understand the impact that a scene like this has on a person surely can give just a little room to allow for the possibility that their take on folks may be wrong.

Why is it then that some people have to crowd around a victim while others show some respect and mind their own business (unless of course they are actually aiding someone that is).

 

Case in point the woman who injured her ankle at Stone Gardens. People were following the paramedics to go gawk at the poor woman. Clearly they weren't going to help. I was curious but I decided not to follow the crowd. I didn't want to add to the embarrassment the person must have been feeling.

Edited May 8, 2007 by catbirdseat

[sk]

I was thinking about G-Spotter's response...and indeed you could say that I'm part of the problem. I wanted to share my thoughts with this community to hear how people might respond. I was disgusted by the people flocking to the accident. That is the point of my initial post and I was curious what kind of responses might appear to that.

 

But the people flocking to the accident were flocking to see this person's body. By reporting this incident, perhaps I too am exploiting this person's death.

 

If it appears that way, I'm sorry...that definately wasn't the intent.

 

Instead maybe the intent was to ask the question, are people more desenstized today than they were in the past? Have people always flocked to car accidents to see? Or is this really something that has begun to occur in the last fifty years?

 

people are fascinated by death. i think that has always been the case. some people text their friends and laugh about it, some contact their community to hash out their feelings.

[TREETOAD]

Usually people that want to get a good look at something like this have never experienced it before. After the first time they view a really twisted up ripped apart corpse they can't get the image from their minds eye for a long time, and as a consequence don't do it so willingly again. Unless of course they are a bit twisted. I have noticed in south east asia that people gawk at this sort of thing a lot more than I would call normal but I think it has to do with buddhist beliefs.

[olyclimber]

Best of luck with your child. The world does change quite a bit. All that shit you maybe never considered or were bothered with will definitely take on new meaning. Like the state of the world in 20 years for instance.

 

Regarding the rubber neckers...we saw them come to cc.com during the hood incident. People just are curious about disaster. I have a book called "Great Disasters" given to me by my grandma (she always gives the best gifts at christmas). You can borrow it if you'd like.

[G-spotter]

I was thinking about G-Spotter's response...and indeed you could say that I'm part of the problem. I wanted to share my thoughts with this community to hear how people might respond. I was disgusted by the people flocking to the accident. That is the point of my initial post and I was curious what kind of responses might appear to that.

 

But the people flocking to the accident were flocking to see this person's body. By reporting this incident, perhaps I too am exploiting this person's death.

 

If it appears that way, I'm sorry...that definately wasn't the intent.

 

 

I don't see a lot of difference between texting your friends or posting spray about it in cc.com or even reporting it on the news. Same message different mediums. I dont think you are any different or any better than the other spectators. The only thing I see different is that they are texting "OMG I JST SAW A DED BODY" and you are saying "Oh my god I just saw people looking at a dead body. They are horrible and I'm not." I think if you cut out the bullshit about how bad they are and recognized that you were there lookin' at a dead body too, and that now you are telling other people about it just like them, maybe you'd see less of a false or moralistic difference between you and them. There's a pointing finger you've put in the way that is hiding you from seing yourself as part of the same crowd. Maybe the only way you can deal with the dead body, the fact that someone died, is to separate yourself from the crowd, but maybe everyone else that was there is doing exactly the same thing? Maybe you're a bit horrible but maybe they aren't so horible as you are making them out to be. No?

[olyclimber]

Big difference between flocking TO an accident to rubberneck than being thrust into the situation as a passerby in traffic.

[Kat_Roslyn]

 

 

Congratulations on the baby Jason!!!

Sorry you had to see an accident scene, especially that day. Don't worry so much about what world you are bringing the kid into, they'll have a great time. My neighbor George always says "every day spent above ground is a good one", I like applying it to climbing.

-Kat

 

I have a book called "Great Disasters" given to me by my grandma (she always gives the best gifts at christmas).

Dang, my grandma always seems to give me ugly sweater vests.